❤️ Two New Members Of My Household

I am so excited! I’ve finally found Cyra a husbunny! Rabbits should not be kept single. Rabbits naturally live in large groups.

I had a lot of trouble adopting Cyra. As there are no more rabbit rescues in London, I had to rely on Gumtree.

Needless to say I was let down a million times. Cyra’s previous owners, were trying to sell her as a dwarf breed... well they used the correct terms in the advert, mini lop, but used photos of her as a tiny baby. Which lead me to believe she was a dwarf lop. 

She’s certainly a big girl now. 

They had clearly kept her shut in her cage, and she was growing too big for it. Having re-wired my Sky TV and the WiFi cable several times (I’m hoping now I’ve sufficiently rabbit proofed it), I’m well aware of the destruction a bored bunny can cause.

So, she was kept in her cage. That was becoming far too small for her, and clearly was damp most of the time as the poor little thing had very sore ears when she first came.

She now has her cage and an indoor run. She’s only shut in the cage when I sleep. She’s always with me, and allowed out in the front room and in the garden (supervised).

She was clearly fed crisps, takeaway and cola. She loves her fruit and veggies now.

But she’s getting to the stage where she needs to be out in the garden during the day. And I didn’t want her to be alone.

So I contacted Jenny, who clearly had special needs (learning difficulty) in Wimbledon. I’m naming and shaming the bitch because of the following information she told me when I spoke to her.

She’s so dumb she let one of the rabbit’s own son do it with the mother, and was over run with babies. She was so desperate to get rid of them, she was doing two for a fiver. I said I’d love to see if Cyra would bond and would happily pay £30 for the right rabbit.

She was well aware I had a rabbit, so knew I wasn’t taking one rabbit to be alone. She mentioned I could see if she bonded with the older male. I said I didn’t mind.

She then disclosed she was going to take them all to some nasty rabbit research place, which clearly does cruel testing on animals.

I told her of the lovely life Cyra has, and my plans to relocate to Devon. 

When I texted her a little later, she suddenly said all of the rabbits where gone. 

She’s clearly an evil bitch. And the poor things are probably being abused and tested on.

So... I found one last advert. Two boy rabbits. They were the most expensive on Gumtree and miles away from me. 

They had been neutered, which was good... but I didn’t really want two.

 Not wanting Cyra to be alone, I gave it on last try.

So I wrote the long text message, saying I wanted a bunny date, how well I treat my pets. I don’t have kids so they’re my babies. But I would need to bring Cyra over first to make sure they didn’t fight.

And... thankfully..., she said yes!!!!

So Cyra had a bunny date today. With two boy bunnies... and it went great. 

She was scared, I think she thought I was abandoning her. But the two boys were lovely and friendly, and even washed her. 

I’ve bonded twice before, and this was the best ever.

So welcome Ronnie and Reggie

Their owner saw them at Pets At Home, who are fuckers with animals. Apparently they were the only two babies left (black and black and white bunnies are less popular, plus Ron has one sticky up ear and one lop). So even though they had bonded Pets At Home had separated the two babies. So this lovey lady took them both. I can’t believe how fucking awful PAH are to separate two babies who had not only bonded, but where the only two left from a litter! Makes me furious!!

She was told by PAH to feed the muesli, which is one of the worst things you can feed a rabbit. And carrots. Just fucking carrots!!! Like what the fuck! Carrots are a treat. Rabbits need dark greens and plenty of them. A little bit of fruit, sweet corn or carrot as a treat. 

Unfortunately her dogs (also rescue) are allergic to the rabbits and it meant either the rabbits or the dogs had to be alone. 

They are gorgeous. Both friendly as anything (apparently Ronnie isn’t normally friendly with anyone but her). They both came and groomed Licky, although she was a little scared it went amazing.

So tomorrow, I’m going to get them! She’s also giving me a lot of food, treats, hay, etc. 

She had reduced the price from £120 to £100, but I said I would pay £120 as I paid £60 for Cyra and she wasn’t neutered.

I’ve also just bought this massive outside run for them.

I can’t wait to bond them. There’s nothing nicer than seeing bunnies snuggled up together.

And all three of them did have a little snuggle today, although Cyra was kinda boxed in, but she seemed ok.

This lady really cares about her pets, and she’s so glad she found me. She said I clearly know about rabbits from what I had messaged her. And she knows they’ll have a lovely life.

And I’m so happy, that Cy Won’t be on her own and lonely. She’s far too much of a nice rabbit to be alone.

I’m so excited and will probably keep in touch with their owner, as we have a LOT in common.

❤️ Relationships The Truth

I wouldn’t say I loved him anymore. I’m never happy in his presence. Drugs don’t make me feel good anyone.

If I’m lucky, I’m timid, nervous and scared, but there’s no pain. I’m lucky if I mong out 

If I’m unlucky, the above feelings are followed with crushing blows, the pain tearing through me. Unlucky I get depressed and sad

Whether physical or mental.

At least this confirms my existence. 

Because sometimes I feel like an empty soul, wondering in a world where she shouldn’t be... unable to see the light and reach happiness.

The pain confirms I am alive. The pain I feel thanks to my family reminds me I am alive 

Otherwise, in his presence, I no longer feel joy, motivation, confidence and hope. I no longer plan the future. It’s easier not to think about the future. A couple of weeks max, is all I can manage. I used to feel motivated. Happy on crack. Do the above. Now I just sit here miserable 

Even that’s a struggle. Will my mood slip... will he remind me of the years of abuse I have endured.. will I resist the temptation I swallow every single pill I own... a plethora of controlled medications I have obtained illegally, plus my own deadly beta blockers.

He used to be the reason to wake up. My first and last thought. We’d meet. Spend the night basking in the warm glow of love. The following day the love hangover would keep me feeling like life was worth living, for another few days. Until we met again. When I first tried crack and brown. You don’t get dope sick for 3 day’s. So there’s no pain when accustomed to coke, pills and suffering next day 

Nothing was too challenging with him. Crack calmed me, I tidied and organised. No anxiety. No depression. I was normal. Worked on crack for a year.  No one had a clue 

Nothing impossible.

It was perfect.

Until he moved in. Addicted 

I knew he was a bad boy. I knew others would disapprove. So this meant lies... I couldn’t cope with another lecture... more concerned faces... hearing the same old sound track. So, rather £100 of crack and smack a day, I’d say £20/40 of coke x2 maybe x3 a week

‘No, no, no, he’s not like that anymore’

‘No, it’s not serious, we just have fun’

‘I only see him twice a week, he’s not taking over’

‘He’s not controlling me’ denying my addiction

Soon the late nights took their toll. I lost weigh. I also lost a bit of me I know I will never get back. 

No longer pleasurable, he was using me. Finally realised I was addicted 

I’m certainly not stupid. I knew this. But, he had poisoned my mind. He was twisted and manipulative. He told me I would not survive without him. Like a mantra. Again and again. Until I believed him.

He drained my finances. Well aware my good credit rating, meant easy access to credit and loans. Every time he demanded more, I simply stuck my card in the cash machine, and never answered yes to the question about checking my balance. Spending £20k on crack and heroin 

Then one day, the whirl of the machine did not commence. My card was spat back out, with disgust. Yes I know a machine cannot have human feelings, but when it dispensed cash and I would be eager to quickly retrieve my card, and return to him, it felt as if my card was returned in slow motion.

When it was decline, not only was it spat out at speed, but it bleeped several times in succession, alerting the queue of people, I had no funds.

Hanging my head in shame, I returned to my car and then him. I knew this meant I would be punished. 

And I was.

Never completely battered. Just constantly... little things. Causing aches that seeped through to my bones. Then, there was the sleep deprivation. Sleep and food.  Forcing me to swallow laxatives, my tummy, already too small, quickly emptied of all susbstance. Withdrawal 

Unable to work, I tossed and turned in bed. I’m vain I endeavoured to ignore my suffering.

By day 3, I crumbled. He would make me suffer forever unless he was content. Desperate phone calls, frantically made, when finally I managed to borrow some money. Getting subutex

I quickly drove to collect this. And the minute it touched my hand, a sense of relief went through my fingers, up my arms and radiated through my whole body.

I drove home, calm, cool and collected.

We’d be friends again. No longer withdrawal 

But not for long.

Eventually, the negativity of having no money, caused his departure. Went on opiate replacement meds

But not completely. And I doubt if I’ll ever be free.

You see, he’s the ying to my yang. My life gets so chaotic and hyper alone. He provides a well needed break from the negative. My adhd gets so bad, I’m

Scared I’ll kill myself without my moments of serenity

Without him, I speed up so much, it’s relentless, exhausting. 36 years would not been achieved without this oxymoronic prerequisite. Equal to air, sleep and food. Life would be impossible without him.

And I know that is a fact. The abuse 

The anxiety and depression would have terminated my existence many years ago without him.

I know he no longer evokes any positive feelings, in fact, he evokes negative. Sadness, anger and depression.

But... he still gives my head a needed break. From my ADHD 

I hate him.

I’m scared to live without him.

Reliance has been deeply embedded within my psyche. Drugs calm me down and help me get over my abuse and deal with the current abuse 

Flash backs to September 2016 are far too frequent. Recalling my behaviour becoming more and more psychotic, during a 3 week trip away from him. Stopping all drugs and anti psyches too quickly 

Yet... yet... I know I can live without him. Drugs 

When I am safe, and I trust my environment. I know I can be happy. Slowly we’d see each other less and less. 300 miles away from abusers 

But the fear keeps me trapped. He knows that. I am stuck. Stop using. Their abuse affects me too much. Me = suicide 

My body is littered with the permanent marks he bestowed upon me. It’s too late to fully recover. Tracks 

And I’ve been left with too little... to fully recover.

But I will escape. Be safe. And eventually escape.

❤️ Relationships

I wouldn’t say I loved him anymore. I’m never happy in his presence.

If I’m lucky, I’m timid, nervous and scared, but there’s no pain.

If I’m unlucky, the above feelings are followed with crushing blows, the pain tearing through me.

Whether physical or mental.

At least this confirms my existence.

Because sometimes I feel like an empty soul, wondering in a world where she shouldn’t be... unable to see the light and reach happiness.

The pain confirms I am alive.

Otherwise, in his presence, I no longer feel joy, motivation, confidence and hope. I no longer plan the future. It’s easier not to think about the future. A couple of weeks max, is all I can manage.

Even that’s a struggle. Will my mood slip... will he remind me of the years of abuse I have endured.. will I resist the temptation I swallow every single pill I own... a plethora of controlled medications I have obtained illegally, plus my own deadly beta blockers.

He used to be the reason to wake up. My first and last thought. We’d meet. Spend the night basking in the warm glow of love. The following day the love hangover would keep me feeling like life was worth living, for another few days. Until we met again.

Nothing was too challenging with him.

Nothing impossible.

It was perfect.

Until he moved in.

I knew he was a bad boy. I knew others would disapprove. So this meant lies... I couldn’t cope with another lecture... more concerned faces... hearing the same old sound track. 

‘No, no, no, he’s not like that anymore’

‘No, it’s not serious, we just have fun’

‘I only see him twice a week, he’s not taking over’

‘He’s not controlling me’

Soon the late nights took their toll. I lost weigh. I also lost a bit of me I know I will never get back. 

No longer pleasurable, he was using me. 

I’m certainly not stupid. I knew this. But, he had poisoned my mind. He was twisted and manipulative. He told me I would not survive without him. Like a mantra. Again and again. Until I believed him.

He drained my finances. Well aware my good credit rating, meant easy access to credit and loans. Every time he demanded more, I simply stuck my card in the cash machine, and never answered yes to the question about checking my balance.

Then one day, the whirl of the machine did not commence. My card was spat back out, with disgust. Yes I know a machine cannot have human feelings, but when it dispensed cash and I would be eager to quickly retrieve my card, and return to him, it felt as if my card was returned in slow motion.

When it was decline, not only was it spat out at speed, but it bleeped several times in succession, alerting the queue of people, I had no funds.

Hanging my head in shame, I returned to my car and then him. I knew this meant I would be punished. 

And I was.

Never completely battered. Just constantly... little things. Causing aches that seeped through to my bones. Then, there was the sleep deprivation. Sleep and food.  Forcing me to swallow laxatives, my tummy, already too small, quickly emptied of all susbstance.

Unable to work, I tossed and turned in bed. I’m vain I endeavoured to ignore my suffering.

By day 3, I crumbled. He would make me suffer forever unless he was content. Desperate phone calls, frantically made, when finally I managed to borrow some money. 

I quickly drove to collect this. And the minute it touched my hand, a sense of relief went through my fingers, up my arms and radiated through my whole body.

I drove home, calm, cool and collected.

We’d be friends again.

But not for long.

Eventually, the negativity of having no money, caused his departure. 

But not completely. And I doubt if I’ll ever be free.

You see, he’s the ying to my yang. My life gets so chaotic and hyper alone. He provides a well needed break from the negative.

Without him, I speed up so much, it’s relentless, exhausting. 36 years would not been achieved without this oxymoronic prerequisite. Equal to air, sleep and food. Life would be impossible without him.

And I know that is a fact.

The anxiety and depression would have terminated my existence many years ago without him.

I know he no longer evokes any positive feelings, in fact, he evokes negative. Sadness, anger and depression.

But... he still gives my head a needed break.

I hate him.

I’m scared to live without him.

Reliance has been deeply embedded within my psyche.

Flash backs to September 2016 are far too frequent. Recalling my behaviour becoming more and more psychotic, during a 3 week trip away from him. 

Yet... yet... I know I can live without him.

When I am safe, and I trust my environment. I know I can be happy. Slowly we’d see each other less and less.

But the fear keeps me trapped. He knows that. I am stuck. 

My body is littered with the permanent marks he bestowed upon me. It’s too late to fully recover.

And I’ve been left with too little... to fully recover.

But I will escape. Be safe. And eventually escape.

❤️ 21st January 2010 - Journal

Had the worst day at work today.

The vile bitches in health and social care didn’t want the placements I had worked so hard to secure, they wanted nurseries. Yes, they chose health and social care, not childcare.

MR went mental, screaming at me about it. I asked her how was I supposed to know if I wasn’t told. I am only as good as the information I receive.

Very close to walking out of that job.  

Came home, got some crack and b off Yellow, which sorted my mood immensely.

Knocked myself out to sleep.

❤️ 07th January 2010 - Journal

Yay!

NO WORK TODAY!

Checked the website at 7.30am and it said the college was closed due to the adverse weather conditions.

Went back to bed till 1pm.

Got up at 2.30pm.

Went shops. Got bday present for mum. £5 slippers from Lloyd’s.

Walked Tsega. Orion was having none of it.

❤️ Favourite Lyrics 2016

Eminem

Still Don’t Give A Fuck

I’ve calmed down now

I was once heavy into drugs

I could walk around straight for two months with a buzz

To all the weed that I’ve smoked

This blunt’s for you

To all the people I’ve offended

Yeah fuck you too

To all the Friends I used to have

Yo I miss my past

But the rest if you arseholes can kiss my arse

To all the drugs that I’ve done

Yo i’m still going to do

To all the people I’ve offended

Yeah fuck you too yeah fuck you too

For every time I reminisce for every time I reminisce

Yo I miss my past

But I still don’t give a fuck

Ya’ll can kiss my arse

Sing For The Moment

He’s a problem child and what bothers him all comes out

When he talks about his fucking dad walking out

Cause he hates him so bad he blocks him out because he hates him so bad he blocked him out

If he ever saw him again he’d probably knock him out

His thoughts are whack he’s mad

They want you to lose your mind 

Every time you’re mad

So they can try to make you out

To look like a loose cannon

For anybody who’s ever been through shit in their life

So they sit and they cry at night wishing they had died

❤️ 12th March 2018 - Journal

Just a quickie.

After smacking the targets at work last month with 141% new starters, 110% job starts, 100% people retained, coming higest in staff feedback surveys (looked kinda fraudulent.. I haven’t done ONE on myself yet! Swear!) and bizarrely enough topping ‘compliance’ chart at 91% (how the fuck!!?! I’m soooo ‘slightly’ inappropriate... fuck me, I am such a fluke at my job!), I am super glad to have a new, FULL TIME, colleague.

Kinda gutted I’m leaving, coz she’s so amazingly nice. I’d love to keep in contact with her! She’s like the same as me!!! 

So, both single (well I assume she is) girls, own our properties, drink the same wine, have a left arm tattoo... god, I love her already and it’s been a week.

She wants to party with me, and is pissed I’m leaving! J** (the one who hated me... initially... till I kept topping his stupid leagues, which I told him I would!) and A**, must have been singing my praises, as from day dot, she was begging me to stay and complimenting me!

She’s gonna pick it up really quickly. No employment experience, but this is good. I’m teaching her my ways. I really wish someone did this to me when I started. 

I’m glad they’ve realised part time clearly wasn’t working. When my old colleague was off sick, we’d have candidates who had turned up x 2-3 times, only to be turned away. 

New girl, fucking BLAM. Already might have some Job Outcomes from her caseload. Very receptive of any advice. I’ll over hear something, and she doesn’t mind if I turn around and interject. 

Which I WISH I had. N***** (girl I took over from) was nice to me, but her smiles were through gritted teeth. That’s not to say she wouldn’t have grown to love me, like the rest, or maybe we just weren’t compatible... but that’s life. N***** just threw me in the deep end. I was glad it was quiet when I started.

A next EA from another office is now doing a day in Stockwell... and again, I think he’ll be talking about my ‘magic’. I am funny... either unintentionally or I’m sarcastic and dry. Especially towards J**... but first impressions count, and scathing reports about me ‘moving too much’ have left their mark. I just don’t think he’s gotta clue how much work the little people do. 

So, I had a good laugh with him. Told him I was like white noise, he would be able to ignore my constant chatter soon.. to which others agreed. Told him we were the best office! Which we are. I spent £65 on pizza for everyone Friday to celebrate my house completing. Stuck a picture on our work ‘Facebook’ type thing, with a comment saying ‘this is what happens when you leave your PC unlocked at Stockwell’... which is running threat. Data protection, leave it unlocked and someone will email the whole office, offering them all lunch, pretending to be you. 

Then.. he saw my magic. Which is engaging with customers and helping them. So P******* had an interview... BLAM, she’s got a work trial Thursday!! 

Sooo much hard work, on both accounts! He saw us hi-five each other, hug and scream like girls at a pop band concert! 

P******* was there on Friday, so joined us for pizza. She’s my candidate. So, her offer of going to the pub if she got it was genuine. I know she a bit rusty on knowledge, but when they see her work, she’ll get a job offer.

And the candidate working with me on a CV whilst this happened, saw the results of my hard work. He disengaged for ages. When he was new, I was new. It didn’t work at the time. So, I made his CV proper BLAM, and he was all revved up to come in, work hard and get a job.

When E****** (CV guy) left, I did an over exaggerated ‘phew’ gesture. M* (EA from other office), was clearly impressed and congratulated me!

I’ve told the other providers on project I’ll be leaving at some point. The one I’m friendly with presumed it was due to stress. I replied I actually love my job, with the candidates. I hate the number of excel spreadsheets I’m asked to fill in and the management. 

But, once I’ve gone, I would still pop back... and volunteer.. only my current caseload. Like the top 10

I have to admit, my success, is mainly a fluke. Partly due to my OCD and the organisation need. Partly my ADHD and the ability to do two things at once... but mostly a fluke.

Oh... biggie.. one dual language colleague... and one very telling comment. Talking about starting smoking at college and that it was weed I started smoking regularly.. and he said ‘no crack’ to which the other dual language, new EA started laughing and gave a glance...

Opppppsssss slip up.

Guys, I’m psychic! I can feel the cringy, I’ve-fucked-up vibe radiating from you!!!! 

And, besides, I react completely different from what you would expect a ‘crack head’ to react. I’m quiet, chilled and my head slows down. Unless you’ve experienced the chaos of my head, you can’t really comment. I ain’t a crazy crack head, I don’t rob and steal, I don’t live in shit. 

I’ve had to work fucking hard to prove this though... due to the deformation of character my own ‘family’ bestowed upon me even though I was endeavouring to secure employment.

Sunday was a bitch.

‘You picked me up when I fell. You wiped my tears and held me when I cried’

My head was flooded with

‘You kicked me when I fell and needed you. You walked away and carried on abusing me when I cried’

BUT... it’s not me who is a bad person. So ashamed. So let down. So broken when I allow myself to feel.... so I don’t.

N** is still out! And it’s been lovely!! I’ve struggled a bit with housework, but coming home to an empty house! Bliss!

Drinking with my R***. Bliss.

No crack arriving at 1am on a work night. No suddenly smelling brown and realising he’s rolled a heroin spliff (I have asked he doesn’t bring it to my house... I cannot smoke it.. I hate my preferred choice of admin, so just ask he doesn’t bring at all... he still did!)

No concerns my handbag is being nosed through.

No conversations which go 

Me ‘where’s my Xxxxxx’

N ‘oh, I told you I had loaned it’

Me ‘no you fucking didn’t’

Such piss poor disrespect. He owes me a ladder and an iPhone 7. 

To be honest I was just waiting for him to fuck up. 

Yes, I am eternally grateful for his help when I was broken. I will most likely give him some ££ when I get my house money. Well not give him to spend on crack. I’ll pay off some of his debt. 

But, he’s proven he is what he is... a crack head. 

I’m using WAY less. I only use what I want to use... no heroin for example. I’m only paying for one (as N gets a LOT of money in benefits and now wages, but it never lasts more than a few days... what he spends it on.. I don’t know. Probably loans £150 and only gets £75 back). 

None of my stuff vanishing, only to hear.. I told you I was borrowing XYZ. I’m glad he’s not doing painting and decorating or else I’d be low on a lot more tools. 

And he had the cheek to call me a junkie when he gave me some sleeping tablets the other day???

Gosh, my quickie is fucking essay.

Night with R*** was hot! 

Well a boring blog post, mainly for me! 

❤️ In Lurve!!!!!

Shit, I love my gal R*** so much.

Mainly coz I can text her my craziness and when we speak, she won’t mention anything that cause me embarrassment.

And she’s so fucking hot. 

Like, I must be hot, coz I’ve pulled models, TV presenters, pop stars, premiership footballers... but I

Don’t see it.

R*** is totally hot. Like wow!!

And I’m astonished she used to do my tan and get horney. If I knew in Longreach, well shit, I wouldn’t have been strumming the guitar!’

We have fun, wake up half fucked, have fun again, and then act like it never happened.

OMG you are amazing R***.

Not only amazingly beautiful, but a fucking beautiful person.

It sounds shit, but I’m glad she’s had the negative experiences she’s had. As it’s made her the wonderful person she is now.

Fuck.

I must be ok looking, coz I pull fucking hot people

And do you know what I love even more. She’s so

Fucking nice. She’s had so much shit, it’s made her the nicest person I’ve met. And I’m glad; not coz she’s had shit, but coz it’s made her the loveliest person I’ve met,

In rehab when I first met her I felt proper jealousy coz she was a better version of me. Prettier, more slim, blonder, more fake tan.

So.... I’ve just rocked off, to my dirty mind of me and her.

I love being girl. My bisexual taste is accepted!

R*** you are my biggest turn on ever!

❤️ 06th March 2018 - Journal

Sheesh, I post some crap when I’m fucked.

Well N did me a favour yesterday. I had been home all day, sorting out house move and cleaning. I really achieved a lot. N didn’t respond to my messages all day. Phoned at 8pm to ask if I wanted sleeping tablets.

I said no. I knew he was with his brother, and he was getting money at midnight so smoking.

Anyway, changed my bed, ate dinner, put stuff on blog and at 11.30pm I texted and said not to come back.

I blocked the door and by 12.30pm was falling asleep.

In comes dick head. With crack cocaine. Of course I smoked some, I’m only human.

Anyway he kept me up till 4am. Then spent 30 minutes trying to reload, shouting on the phone.

So... that’s it. He’s gone.

Was fucking late for work, but seeing as I topped the league for EA’s hitting their targets, my senior manager couldn’t really do shit.

I got 141% new starts, 110% job starts, 100% sustained jobs and even top score for compliance of 91%. I don’t fcuking comply.

And, customer feed back...

Out of 20 EA’s, 8’listed. Everyone else got an average of 2. Me 10.

It’s nice having the upper hand. 

They’ve hired a new EA. Not welfare to work, or Employability background, but housing. Which is good. I’m blam at CVs, interview prep, M* is self employed expert and the new girl had housing.

Anyway, my project (coz my other colleague who left has been off sick most the time), ranked 1#!!

Anyway, peace at home. And seeing as the only times I’ve used in the past week is due to N,  this is a good thing. 

Hopefully they fuck off, leave me alone and accept my occasional usage.

❤️ THE VIDEO - 05th March 2017 - The Rasist

Video as promised 

https://youtu.be/jvY0aKfmhM8

❤️ BIG BROTHER YOU DECIDE

10 anonymous comments with C to IV Cocaine (0.05-0.01mg)

10 anonymous comments with CR tho smoke white (1/3 ten rock) 

10 anonymous comments with BIV to IV Heroin half a ten bag

10 anonymous comments with B to booty bump b half / whole ten bag)

5 anonymous comments with BZ to booty bump a benzos (5 - 1)

5 anonymous comments with ZZ booty bump a z-drugs (5 - 1)

2 anonymous comments with.DRINK for shot

Wanna play???? 

Will video this. Friday night no foss

❤️ 02nd July 2017 - Journal

They want me dead. Woke up to my big window opened I was quite sober when I finally came home. 

Orion could have escaped. 

Even if I was mashed on drugs, I wouldn’t risk losing him. He’s the only thing keeping me alive.

I’ve ordered Sky TV and broadband. I will set up CCTV. 

Going to order benzos, barbiturates and opiates for when I OD.

I’m taking Orion with me.

❤️ I’m Worldwide BAYBEE!!!!

My worldwide readers!!! Thank you for taking the time to visit me, whether you love or loath me. Please, don’t be like me and learn from your own mistakes, please learn from mine and save yourself a lifetime of hell. If only one person reads this and chooses not to take drugs, my blog has been worth it.

God bless, keep coming back, I have nothing but love for you all.

I’ve probably missed some countries off, as I’ve had posts about them before and deleted them.

Keep sharing the Famous Junkie’s Love! I wanna be world wide.

Whether you love me or hate me... if just one person is prevented from the hell that is drug addiction (especially those who self medicate their ADHD), I’ve won!

Whether I disgust you, or intrigue you.. God bless you all!

Australia 🇦🇺 

Austria 🇦🇹 

Bangladesh 🇧🇩 

Belgium 🇧🇪 

Brazil 🇧🇷  

Cameroon 🇨🇲 

Canada 🇨🇦 

Catalan 🇪🇸 

China 🇨🇳 

Columbia 🇨🇴

Croatia 🇭🇷 

Cyprus 🇨🇾 

Czech Republic 🇨🇿 

Denmark 🇩🇰 

Estonia 🇪🇪 

Finland 🇫🇮 

France 🇫🇷 

Germany 🇩🇪 

Greece 🇬🇷 

Hungary 🇭🇺 

India 🇮🇳

Indonesia 🇮🇩 

Ireland 🇮🇪 

Israel 🇮🇱

Italy 🇮🇹 

Japan 🇯🇵 

Mexico 🇲🇽 

Netherlands 🇳🇱 

Norway 🇳🇴 

Panama 🇵🇦 

Philippines 🇵🇭 

Poland 🇵🇱 

Portugal 🇵🇹 

Romania 🇷🇴 

Russia 🇷🇺 

Seychelles 🇸🇨 

Singapore 🇸🇬 

Slovakia 🇸🇰

South Africa

Spain 🇪🇸

Sweden 🇸🇪 

Switzerland 🇨🇭

Thailand 🇹🇭 

Turkey 🇹🇷 

Turkmenistan 🇹🇲 

Ukraine 🇺🇦 

United Arab Emirates 🇦🇪

United Kingdom 🇬🇧 

United States 🇺🇸 

Venezuela 🇻🇪 

Vietnam 🇻🇳 

Think I’ve accidentally added one extra in Africa! But it’s such a hassle trying to do this map, so if that’s your country, hit one of your home boys up to click on one of my links, and ta-da. Sorted.

There’s many more but these are the only ones that I can see listed on my blog stats.

If you’re reading from another country not listed, let me know! I’ll get you added!!

Australia has been the only English speaking country that hasn’t read my blog before, so yay! 

Twitter

@Gemma_Stalked

www.thefamousjunkie.blogspot.com

Facebook

JayElle Famosjunkey

#iwillbefamous #thetruth #Itsnotaboutthedrugs

❤️ Why Are You Obsessed With Me

Right, I’ve had 5 abusive messages from you. The police have told you to stop contacting me. 

I shall go to Sutton police and tell them you’re still abusing me.

You’re not clever enough to put any preventative measures into place to hide your identify.

Every computer, mobile, tablet as a finger print. 

1. You tell me to take an overdose?

Unlike you, who has only taken from society through drug detox, mental institutions, 4 children adopted, abused the benefit system, never worked, relies on government for housing, spends all her money on crack, goes to homeless food banks to fill her cupboards, commits crime, lowest of the low... sZe.the £1 shop... while I do have a drug problem, bar two years, I’ve always worked in roles where I give back. I spend my hard earned wages on my drugs, not the tax payers money you should be using to eat with. You should take your own advice and save us taxpayers thousands of pounds. 

2) Calling me ‘smakhead’ sic. I don’t even use smack, unlike you. Also, unlike you, I’ve mastered the complex spelling of smack. 

3) Ugly rat - babes you’re the grey skinned, over weight, manky teethed one. I know your jealous. 

4) pretending to be N’s family - now, even those with mental retardation, would change their language and spelling if pretending to be someone else. For example, if I was pretending to be you, I’d write like this - 4xample if I woz tryin 2 b u id writ lik dis u ugly junk ie smakhead . Go kill yaself. 

5) also, leaving a message at 4.18am it clear its sent by a proper smack head, coz even this junkie was asleep by them.

6) you begged me to get you a mobile contract. Even N can get one of them

7) chose drugs over 4 children 

8) NEVER WORKED

9) Taken about x 10 from the system than your average Joe. Will pay ZERO back.

10) Let her home be a crack den for £10 crumbs of crack a day. 

I normally hide identities,  but Kate, you are a piece of shit. A true stereotypical junkie. It’s you, who give functional addicts like me a bad reputation.

Evidence of this weirdos obsession and the weirdo.

❤️ And While I’m Sat Here Feeling Miserable

Ok, I’m on a bit of a low at the moment. Nothing to cause concern. I’m not stashing my pills, although starting propranolol again, triggers thoughts of suicide.

I know this is just expected, when one suffers with ADHD.

The propranolol actually helps with the stomach churning anxiety. But the lows still are present. And, bar work, I struggle to undertake the simplest of life’s prerequisite, such as feeding myself, cleaning my home and bathing.

I sit, fretting about, what will never be. What if this happens, what if that? It rarely does. Still, if one anticipates an alternative ending, more positive, and the negative is the actual outcome, I will be crushed to a greater extent than if one spends an unreasonable amount of time, raising my levels of cortisol right now (stressing now basically).

And then I watched a CBeebies documentary. Yes, that’s kids BBC, I love documentaries though. One can never have too much information.

It was on a young man called Johnathon Bryan, and he aged 10.

Johnathan has incredibly complex disabilities. He needs oxygen 24-7. He can’t eat food. He can’t walk. He can’t talk. 

For many years, he attended a special education school. Sadly, these schools, whilst excellent and the staff dedicate a lot into stimulating the children, the children are not given the opportunity to learn to read or write.

Johnathon’s mother, a real life saint, never tiring of having the struggles of having to provide the same attention required to care for a baby, under 1 year, never gave up.

She created a ‘speach’ board and Johnathon took to it.

Oh boy, did he take to it!

Johnathon’s level of communication, surpasses his class mates. He’s articulate and eloquent, far beyond his years.

What I’ve just watched, written by Johnathon, even makes my own communication seem juvenile.

Breath taking. How much frustration the years where he could not communicate must have been.

I wonder if God, when giving Johnathon such devastating disabilities, also gave him intelligence far beyond what would be expected.

How many other non verbal children, have been blessed in other areas. When God takes away with one hand, he gives with the other. 

Hopefully Johnathon’s campaign for every non-verbal child to be taught to communicate will be achieved.

Please follow your ambition to be a writer Johnathon! I would love to read an autobiography of your life when you’re older 

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5302531/amp/The-story-Jonathan-Bryan-locked-boy.html

http://www.bbc.co.uk/mediacentre/proginfo/2018/06/my-life-locked-in-boy

❤️ Wish I Knew About This 20 Years Ago

And I’ve been relying on drugs and alcohol 

❤️ Snow Fun

This week I have been mostly writing rude words in the snow

❤️ 02nd March 2018 - Journal

So, we’ve established my pins are being sabotaged.

Due to the fact they are on my 24-7, I had a feeling it was an inside job.

So, I’ve been waiting.

Last night, had a smoke, N wanted a sleeping tablet.

He normally needs 1/2 max!

Went sleep.

Woke up and caught him in my bag.

Moved it to the windowsill.

Woke up again and it was on the floor.

Went mad, was fed BS it’s all in my head.

Sleeping tablet I gave remains on the side.

Apparently he needed two and took out 3, hence the tablet still there.

Why, when I caught him the first time he didn’t ask... well that’s an enigma which will never be solved.

Trust gone.

I knew this would happen. 100%.

Roll on my house move!!