❤️ 13th March 2018 - I’m Working Hardly Using, They’re Still Abusing

I just wanted to add this. I don’t normally publish in the morning, but they’re still off their fucking rockers, abusing me.

Yes I’ve been smoking crack a couple of times a week.

But, bear in mind... 

1) I could be mutilating myself with needles

2) PARADOXICAL AFFECT!! My head works backwards

So stimulants CALM my head.

It goes quiet. 

It’s still.

PEACEFUL

but they still watch... and what’s worse. They make it fucking obvious.

Meaning, A 36 YEAR OLD WOMAN HAS NO PRIVACY!

None of my diary entities are private. Imagine your fucking mother, father and brother who hates you, knowing your inner most private through.

Every time you shit 

Every time you masterbate 

Every time you watch porn.

Every time you have sex.

Surely you can see how warped and fucked this is.

I’m 36 NOT 15.

So last night they made me so angry (again) I ended up trying to abuse my medication.

So... from now... I think I’ll be staying out. And if I’m staying out, I can’t just smoke crack. 

Remember I don’t abuse heroin. And smoking crack makes me still, quiet and calm.

I’m not harming anyone.

I sit here and chill.

I have a feeling a binge is coming on.

I have so much anger and hatred I need to release it somehow.

They could watch in fucking silence, if they HAVE to watch. And let me be happy.

They don’t want me happy.

They know their behaviour pushes me to use.

They are sick sick people.

Thanks for being a part of their sick plan.

I’m having to move over 300 miles away to escape them.

You may dislike drug users. But there’s millions of us.

How many sickos like my family can you count?