❤️ August 2013 - The Junkie Diet

Here I was 7 stone 7lbs / 47.6kg to 8 stone / 50.8kg. Although my boobs vanish I LOVE my tummy. 

Until recently I looked like this.

#itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked

❤️ September 2013 - Too Skinny

Here I hadn't progressed to intravenous drug use. I used rectally. Simply dissolve in water, use a syringe and squirt.

Life was just getting unmanageable.

I weighed 7 stone / 44.4kg - 7 stone 7lbs / 47.6kg.

UPDATE - 2017 - When I was weighed before detox, in my clothes, with my hair extensions and jewellery I weighed 7.3lbs / 45.8kg. This was after 5 days of being fed/fattened up. I know minus clothes, hair extensions and jewellery I can lose 5lbs / 2.2kg easily.

Therefore before I was forced into detox, I believe my weight could have been as low as 6.7lbs / 41.2kg

I actually miss having an arm that was slimmer than the elbow! 

#itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked

❤️ Introduction - April 2015

From my hand written diary.... 

If you’re reading this and you’re not my privacy denying family and I’m either...

Famous 🤩, Published 🤑, or Dead ☠️

YOU know ‘some’ of the things my parents did under the guise of ‘psychosis’

Psychosis 🤪 By Mum 👵🏻 & Dad 👴🏻

Notes, memories, tarot readings from a time when I needed help and no one came.

But I’m sure you’re unaware of the full length of TORTURE I was subjected to from my ‘loved’ ones. 

I cannot even fully detail their ‘Prisoner of War’ style torture, for fear of being Sectioned.

I HAVE NO FAMILY 

How My Family Made Me Mad, Glad & Bad! - She'll be so crazy she’ll need more drugs to cope!

Jay - a rather successful person, trip and falls after losing her car, her home, being bullied at work, finding out the mother she used to love had cancer and losing her beloved pet. 

Her family decide sectioning her is the most successful way to ensure she refrains from intravenous ethylphenidate use.

Instead of helping her reach sobriety their actions make her so miserable her using sky rockets. And this is her story. 

Methylphenidate was snatched from me under cruel, unfair circumstances. Ethylphenidate, like its prescription only cousin, is a short acting stimulant. At the height of my addiction I was using between 1-3 grammes, intravenously, where I'd bang up 1/10th a gramme to 3/10th a gramme per hit. I'd do this from 10 to 20 times per day as my tolerance, combined with it's length of action, meant it lasted no more than an hour.

Waking up sober and indeed the numerous times during the day I faded back to sobriety, yet still suffering from their cruel actions under the guise of  psychosis, only drove me to use far more drugs. At least double the amount I used when I was able to use in peace. My useage was upped by 50% easily due to their action. Ultimately they are the reason why I lost my Concerta script resulting in the same consequences too. I was so addicted at one point I was unable to arise from my bed without hitting up first.

So enjoy my decent to hell.

This blog contains information from my iPad and subsequent phone emails, journals in notes and finally diaries and has been collated since my 20’s at the start of my drug addiction, declining to crack and heroin addiction. My brief moments of relative recovery and then my final decline when I hit rock bottom during my legal

High addiction which progressed to intravenous drug use.

The more you read the more you will understand why my psychiatrist was quick to get me two urgent drug detox admissions and the subsequent week’s admission in Springfield mental hospital.

The sad thing is, my parents actions only insured my drug use skyrocketed. Instead of showing me love and researching addiction, they turned their backs on me and researched psychosis in an attempt to recreate something a brain creates through sheer horror. 

I always have suffered from mental health. My ADHD was not diagnosed until my 30’s. Treated 32. I had suffered crippling addiction problems by this age. Self medication of my ADHD began at 13. These destructive habits were deeply engrained now. It would require a lot more than 10 days in detox to undo the damage all ready done.

At first it was cannabis and alcohol. They would soothe my hyper ADHD brain and enable to me sleep. From 16 was smoking cannabis daily.

Whilst it calmed my ADHD it also made me lazy. So my discovery of ecstasy and cocaine, it’s effect on my dopamine receptors was all I needed to quickly become addicted. This meant I was no longer relying on weed, which means no bingeing and being lazy. In fact I wouldn’t eat at all. 

However I could hold articulate conversations. I didn’t go off on a tangent. I could organise things, tidy, deal with paper work. I was efficient and effective.

The come downs where crushing. The misery, which whilst cocaine was generally a day, ecstasy could have you feeling blue all week.

Mind you, dropping from 12 stone (168lbs / 76.2kgs, to 8.7lbs (119lbs / 53.2kgs).

After ecstasy and cocaine was crack and heroin. I only ever smoked b in a spliff and crack was never injected. I did max out two  £10,000 credit cards and new I had to make some changes.

So, I kinda got clean. I changed to subutex, an opiate replacement like methadone. And changed to £60-£100 crack a week. Much better than £700 a week.

Then, whilst almost within reach of my Ritalin script, methylphenidate... the temptation to buy the legal high ethylphenidate was too consuming to ignore. I purchased it, along with numerous legal highs (I have easily take the over a 100 Drugs in my life... I must list them!)

You can find the majority of them listed in the ‘List of Drugs I’ve Tried’

The loss of my normal Concerta increased my self-medicating to daily.

If I am unable to get my Concerta prescription reinstated I will definitely purchase Ethylphenidate’s new replacement and revert back to self-medicating.

The events depicted in this blog are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental

Twitter

@Gemma_Stalked

 

www.thefamousjunkie.blogspot.com

Facebook

JayElle Famosjunkey

#iwillbefamous #thetruth #Itsnotaboutthedrugs 

❤️ Global Drug Survey - My Answers Part 2

Prescription drugs I’ve used. 

Atomoextine is the non-stimulant ADHD medication I was forced to go on before they put me back on Concerta. I was forced to use it for 3 months. It gave me such bad anxiety I had to start taking a beta blocker called Propranolol. I knew there was no way I’d be prescribed the other medication for anxiety which is benzodiazepines. 

I also got one of the really rare side effects from it, which is menstrual bleeding. So basically I was on a 3 month period. 

Buprenorphine is subutex or subbies. I’m prescribed that.

Benzos - as you know I’m addicted to these. Started using thanks to these wankers and the anxiety they cause me constantly... I mean, they would and still do, abuse me whether I’m clean or sober. Their abuse did and still does, cause me huge amounts of anxiety.

Adderall was purchased from Dream Market. Although I abused this (used intravenously), and this medication was not legit, it felt AMAZING!!! I did NOT get high. Far from it. It was like when I first took Concerta. On the 1-2 days I used this, I did not have the crippling anxiety I was plagued with. I used this not long after losing my job. It breaks my heart that bad in June, just pre ‘The Most Stupid Mistake I’ve Made In My Career’ my ADHD psyche refused to let me try the last ADHD med in the UK which is amphetamine based (Ritalin is methylphenidate, not amphetamine), as she was still judging me on my past. This was another huge influence in the big fuck up I made.

Methadone - actually about 16 months ago. Pre-rehab.

Methylphenidate - Ritalin / Concerta. Prescribed.

Modafinil - for narcolepsy... also supposed to work for ADHD... this was February this year. As my Concerta was failing me, I was desperately looking for anything that helped my meds work better and keep me from illegal drug use / self medication.

Opiate pain killers - only prescription codeine, 15-30mgs

Tramodol - prescribed when I was in hospital.

Zopiclone - purchased and given by my family (LOL... that makes them enablers!! 😁)

#Itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked

❤️ 14th August 2015 - List of RCs I've Tried

The Famous Junkie’s Drug Cornucopia

Here’s a list of the ‘majority of the drugs I have experienced in my life. Unlike EVERY other article I’ve encountered on the internet. They will either portray as ALL drugs bad or ALL drugs good. Bar cannabis.

So here, the honest truth. If you wanna try drugs, read some honest information.

If you wanna check out more impartial information check out Forums like 

www.bluelight.org

www.erowid.org 

Amphetamines

Drug Type: Stimulant 

Affects: Sedative, hypnotic, anxiolytic, anticonvulsant, muscle relaxant

For: Treating anxiety, insomnia, agitation, seizures, muscle spasms, alcohol withdrawal and as a premedication for medical or dental procedures.

withdrawal and as a premedication for medical or dental procedures.

Addictive: Yes. 5 days to 14 days is enough to cause discomfort and rebound insomnia upon stopping. 

Withdrawal: Life threatening if you are heavily addicted and stop suddenly. Other symptoms include depression, anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia

The Fun Stuff: They’re like smoking weed without the pesky munchies. Nor yellow teeth, wrinkles, rotten teeth,  tar, cancers, etc. 

Benzodiazepines 

Drug Type: Minor Tranquillisers 

Affects: Sedative, hypnotic, anxiolytic, anticonvulsant, muscle relaxant

For: Treating anxiety, insomnia, agitation, seizures, muscle spasms, alcohol withdrawal and as a premedication for medical or dental procedures.

Addictive: Yes. 5 days to 14 days is enough to cause discomfort and rebound insomnia upon stopping. 

Withdrawal: Life threatening if you are heavily addicted and stop suddenly. Other symptoms include depression, anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia

The Fun Stuff: They’re like smoking weed without the pesky munchies. Nor yellow teeth, wrinkles, rotten teeth,  tar, cancers, etc. 

25C-NEOmB 🤔

25CI-NEOmB 🤔

2-Aminoindane - analogue of amphetamine ✅

2-CI 🤔

2-Fluroamphetamine (2-FA) ✅

2-Fluromethamphetamine (2-FMA) 🤔

2-MeO-Ketamine 🤔

2-NE1 ✅

3,4-CTMP - 3,4-Dichloromethylphenidate - analogy methylphenidate ✅

 

3F-Phenmetraztine - Stimulant ✅

3-MeO-PCP 🤔

4-Fluroamphetamine (4-FA) 🤔

4F-MPH - 4-Fluoromethylphenidate - See Review ✅

4-MEC 🤔

4-MeO-PBP 🤔

5-MAPB (5-2-methylaminopropyl benzofuran) 🤔

5F-AKB-48 ✅

5F-PB22 ✅

5-Meo-DALT ✅

5-MeO-DMT 🤔

6-APB (5-2-aminopropyl benzofuran) ✅

APICA 2-NE1 - canaboid ✅

APINACA AKB48 - canaboid ✅

BK-2C-B ✅

Name: Bromazolam ✅

t 

Cocaine ✅

Clonazolam 🤔

Crystal Ethylphenidate - Similar to methylphenidate (AKA Ritalin) ✅

Deschlororetizolam 🤔

Diclazepam- benzodiazepine ✅

Ethylphenidate - Similar to methylphenidate (AKA Ritalin) ✅

Etizolam - benzodiazepine ✅

Fentanyl ✅

Flubromazelam - benzodiazepine 🤔

Flubromazepam - benzodiazepine ✅

Isopropylphenidate - Similar to methylphenidate (AKA Ritalin) ✅

MDAI (5,6-methylenedioxy-2-aminoindane) ✅

MDVP (methylenedioxypyrovalerone) ✅

Mephtetramine ✅

Methiopropamine ✅

Methoxphenidine ✅

Methoxypiperamide ✅

Metizolam 🤔

MMB-Chimnaca ✅

N-ethylhexedrone 🤔

Nifoxipam - benzodiazepine ✅

Nitrazolam ✅

Nitracaine ✅

Phenazepam ✅

Phenibut ✅ 

Propylphenidate - Similar to methylphenidate (AKA Ritalin) ✅

Pyrazolam - benzodiazepine ✅

Synthacaine ✅

Definitely used - ✅

Sounds familiar - 🤔

Sedative - a substance that induces sedation by reducing irritability or excitement.

Stimulant - a substance that increases the activity of the body. They are pleasurable and invigorating. Or drugs which have sympathomimetic effects 

Sympathomimetics - Stimulants affecting serotonin and dopamine. These chemicals help calm you down, are anti anxiety, appetite regulants, help cognition, learning memory, mood, thermoregulation.

Tranquilliser 

 

#Itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked

❤️ 27th June 2017 - iPhone Hacked - Letter To My Abusers

You took my post didn't you. That's why is was late. You're even determined to ruin my last time here. If my package doesn't come tomorrow BLAM. I'll buy £400 of cocaine and mainline that. It's my life, I'll end it how I want. And if I suspect it's tampered with in the slightest.

I'll go Brixton and I know people who I can pay to receive post for me. And I'll order a lot more. 

Later...

Only the truth can save me. The ball is in your court. But time's running out. If everything comes out, at least I stand to make some money selling my story. I'm quite happy to die. I'm so broken I don't care. 

❤️ 05th July 2017 - iPhone Hacked - Letter To My Abusers

You have to go work

Some time!!

And I'm Gonna order barbiturates, benzo and probably some

Fentanyl (just for the fun of it) and I'm fucking overdosing baybeeeeee! Yeah! 

Fuck the appeal. Fuck getting a next job.

You WIN!!

Fucked though really as even Reed (the main contractor) have told me to appeal

Maybe I'll get a water soluble benzodiazepines and not diazepam. Can stick it in my arm if it's water soluble

If I was you I'd be contacting my drugs counsellor, drug psyche, my social worker and possibly the nut house too!

Ok, thanks for that. I'll get the water soluble onesy

❤️ 04th September 2017 - 09th September 2017 - Journal

Last week was bad! We used every day Monday to Friday. N brought crack home Monday and Tuesday, I bought coke Wednesday and then Thursday both the gram I ordered to N’s and and replacement half a gram (which was sent here! Fucking lucky to get it!!) arrived.

I think the only reason the half arrived here is the bloke on Dream Market said he would resend and I replied saying to send it to N’s address. He clearly had sent it before I sent that message. So my family, expecting it at N’s, didn't intercept my post here.

I also had 3 job interviews... if I don't get one, surely I'm famous again and everyone knows I'm a drug abuser. I definitely got that feeling in my last interview on Thursday.

I'm gutted. That means there's no other option other than moving to Plymouth. I can't start again in London. That's been taken away from me.

Anyway, everything happens for a reason. 

Famous J x

❤️ 2017 - THE TRUTH

Ok, here we go. This is being written especially for the residents of Pershore Grove who have done their upmost to enable my family to torment, abuse, stalk and harass me.

Here is the TRUTH!!

Ok, firstly, I have got myself into a bit of a mess. However, if my friends weren't tormented and I had privacy and security in my home, this mess would not have happened in the first place.

I'm a 36 year old woman. It's my human right to have privacy.  I should also be able to feel secure in the home I worked hard for and I purchased!!

However thanks to you supporting my parents, I am faced with no other choice but to sell my and move far far away to escape their abuse.

For starters, I spent 14 weeks in rehab, but that wasn't good enough for my family. Upon leaving they still watched me 24-7 . The manager of the rehab was even going to let me stay the additional two weeks even if I didn't receive the funding, as she was so concerned about me returning back to living with them. 

I'm not going into what happened, but ultimately I lost my job due to their abuse and lack of personal boundaries.

Yes, I did have a period where I was using a lot of drugs. But that stopped. However they didn't.

They continued to torment me to the point my friend has to live with me so I was able to get some respite. They would constantly whisper when I was in the house alone, reading everything I do on my phone and watching me 24-7. I cannot use the bathroom, have sex or masterbate without being watched.

As I'm in financial difficulty I thought I would sell MY share certificates to help me get through this period. However I stupidly mentioned this in my house and they disappeared. 

My family are well aware should my money run out, suicide is likely. I can only come to the conclusion they clearly want this, or why steal my share certificates. Not so much a loving family eh?

They steal items from my home, only to replace them the next day. They clearly want me to think I'm mad. I already have ADHD and mental health issues. Would a loving family who care about me want to make these issues worse??

There's no respite for staying clean. Nope, none at all. I stay clean and I'm still tormented. After a few days I am desperate for a break of these negative torrential feelings. Can you really blame me for using?

They make me constantly feel anxious. It's well know anxiety is a major cause of drug abuse. If they wanted me to stay clean, why give me so much anxiety??

I feel so desperately sad due to their behaviour. They know this. There's many a time, when I know I'm being watched, I've pleaded with them to knock on my door and tell me the truth and I'll stop injecting and using hard drugs. They never knock on my door. I feel so constantly sad. Again, why would they continue to make me so sad that I will do anything for respite?

Their behaviour makes both my ADHD and OCD worse. Again, they know that self medicating these conditions is what brought me to drug addiction in the first place. Yet they continue to make both of these conditions worse.

All it took was one relapse! My first relapse after detox and this crazy behaviour started.

Let me ask you all, do you really deem constant surveillance on a 36 year old necessary? And it's not just the surveillance. It's the whispering , the noises in my house, the stealing things, the unlocking of my front door when I've just paid £100 for new locks.

This IS NOT about drugs. They clearly want me to think I'm mad. And they clearly want me to kill myself.

They've spent thousands turning my dream home into a house of horrors. The people who should be helping me in times of need. But instead, all they've done is push and push me to use all for a blissful few hours of respite.

I went to north London for a treatment I booked and I was even stalked there with some bloke watching me and saying aloud 'YEAH, SHE'S GOT BLONDE HAIR'

I've caught them on camera stealing from me and I've caught a family member I do not talk to entering my property. I did have a really good incriminating video, but of course they went to extreme measures to make sure this was deleted off my phone and online account. Their stupid secret and game is what is important here. Not me... not me staying clean.. not me picking myself up and finding new employment... nope none of that. Their game of abuse and torment is all that matters.

I try to stay clean. But after a day spent job searching when you come home to a glass of wine and are trying to watch TV in peace, only to still be tormented, it's not hard to see why I crack.

Yes, I have a problem with addiction, but addicts need support, or else they relapse. Not only do I not get any support but my family actively continue to abuse and torment me. Is it any wonder I relapse??

Yesterday I tidied up, did some craft projects, visited my mother in hospital. Came home, watched TV and went to bed. And as soon as my friend was asleep they started making noises appear to come from down stairs in my house!!! What have I done to deserve this? I didn't use. Why make their single 36 year old daughter scared to be in her own home??

They are nasty pieces of work and all you've done is enable them. 

I will ALWAYS have additional mental health problems because of my family. I will always be paranoid.

I don't even want to go for job interviews or to look for work because I come home to an unlocked door. They clearly don't want me to find employment.

So thank you all for ensuring I am a complete outcast. For believing their lies. They are not concerned in the slightest about me, my wellbeing or myself staying clean. All they want to do, is make me think I am mad!! Tough love?? No, sick, warped, twisted, evil behaviour!!

Please please look at what you have witnessed and look at what I have written above and answer honestly... is this treatment normal? Would you do this to your adult children? Especially if they needed support and help. Would you undertake behaviours which only increas their drug use? Would you have your single adult daughter stalked by strange men? Would you make her petrified to be in her own home? Would you watch your adult children 24-7? Would you steal from them? Take their post? Go through everything, right down to their rubbish? (I noticed my rubbish was regularly tampered with when I was stuck living in their house). Would you hack their phones? Read every single text, email and listen to every phone call? To the point where I have to wait until I leave the house to deal with my business.

All I want is to be happy. I was happy in rehab. I craved drugs around 4-5 times in 14 weeks. They know I'm not happy now and they go above and beyond to ensure I remain that way.

They are the sickest family in history. I am so sad I got stuck with them, instead of a family who cares about me.

But, the good news is, if you're reading this I'm finally free!! I've either moved very far away or I've killed myself!! Either way, I'm incredibly happy, I'm free from my abuse and I'm in a better place now.

Feel free to read the rest of this blog to see the other sick things they've done.

Love The Junkie with a kind heart who you all ran out of town.

#Itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked 

❤️ SHARE YOUR DRUG NIGHTMARE!!!

I'm obviously rather obsessed with drugs, if you can't tell from my posts!! However whilst my tales are no way near complete, there's many drugs I haven't tried.

Even the ones I have is no way near to the numerous negative outcomes legal or illegal drugs can have on you.

If you'd like to share your story, please leave a comment. I'll contact you upon doing so. You can be named or anonymous.

Mwah Jay x