❤️ My Medical Notes

Whilst in Springfield I asked for my complete medical history. This was advised. I thought I would go through the amount of times I was a 'Red Zone' patient and the reasons why

20/12/11 - Red Zone 

I had been breaking my 2mg buprenorphine into 1mgs so I could cut down 

29/12/11 - Green Zone

No problems 

13/02/12 - Green Zone

No problems 

24/02/12 - Green Zone

No problems 

23/03/12 - Green Zone

No problems

04/05/12 - Green Zone

No problems 

06/06/12 - Green Zone

No problems 

12/12/12 - Green Zone

No problems 

09/01/13 - Green Zone

No problems 

01/02/13 - Green Zone

No problems 

17/05/13 - Green Zone

No problems 

11/06/13 - Green Zone

No problems 

09/07/13 - Green Zone

No problems 

09/08/13 - Green Zone

No problems 

21/11/14 - Black Zone

In hospital. Detox 

05/12/14 - Red Zone 

Concern as I was released from detox and I left early 

12/12/14 - Red Zone

Arrived stoned and had been smoking crack after detox 

16/12/14 - Red Zone

Missed appointment 

29/12/14 - Red Zone

Missed appointment

30/12/14 - Red Zone

Missed appointment

 02/01/15 - Red Zone

Restart on buprenorphine. Admitted to hospital because of finger infection

09/01/15 - Red Zone

Suicidal intention, talking about bugs (I did have scabies. I had wounds that wouldn't heal, tracks from where they dug into me and felt bites. I think this went after hospital when I had antibiotics. However the high use of amphetamines and lack of sleep magnified this problem. I'd see swirls of what appeared to be insects everywhere.... the only scary thing about this is.... I have seen the swirls once.. when I had been completely sober for months!! I opened my window and they seemed to leave the room and go outside... you know when you stare at the carpet and let you eyes not focus... those little specks you see darting around... anyway seeing them sober was fucking freaky. When I was injecting speed I can tell you one thing, they didn't fucking like it!! I would see swarms coming towards me and get covered in bites every time I banged up. I almost crashed my car several times due to these swarms.... but I don't know. I hope they are purely drug induced).

12/01/15 - Red Zone

Self harm and 'psychosis'

19/01/15 - Black Zone

In hospital with finger infection 

20/01/15 - Black Zone

In hospital with finger infection 

23/01/15 - Green Zone

I'm confused about this one. Tested only for buprenorphine and cannabis and was less psychotic

30/01/15 - Amber Zone

My cat needed to be put to sleep 

03/02/15 - Red Zone

Sent them an email after I overdosed and had a seizure in a pub toilet and was taken by ambulance to A&E

06/02/15 - Red Zone

Sent MDART videos of the 'bugs'. Didn't attend appointment. When I did attend I asked for detox again. Had suicidal intentions.

09/02/15 - Red Zone

Couldn't get hold of me, my cat was being put to sleep today. They wanted me to go A&E for a psyche asseasment for my 'bugs'. Home treatment team tried to visit me at my parents but I wasn't their. Apparently no female beds which is why I wasn't sectioned this day. Still taking about bugs. 

10/09/15 - Red Zone

I sent emails about not wanting to be detained stating I was not mad.

13/02/15 - Red Zone 

Now avoiding MDART, would only collect my script in the car park 

27/02/15 - Black Zone

Back in detox 

13/03/15 - Red Zone

Discharged from detox after they stopped my ritalin.

20/03/15 - Red Zone

After my overdose in hopsital, police are now instructed to section me. I left the hospital because I couldn't get my buprenorphine 

24/03/15 - Red Zone

Now on Sutton Police's Missing Persons Register for walking out of hospital. Told them I was ok and they told MDART I wasn't detainable, when my doctor notes, all in caps lock I HAVE ALREADY BEEN DETAINED. They confirmed I collected my script 

27/03/15 - Red Zone

Missed three days of my script, therefore it was stopped. Police have now been informed. Key Worker emails me as they cannot contact me 

31/03/15 - Red Zone

Missed script. Worried I would be using b and likely to overdose 

02/04/17 - Red Zone

Admitted to Springfield 

03/04/15 - Red Zone

In Springfield 

04/04/15 - Amber Zone

No evidence of mental issues. Mentioned I was with my boyfriend. In fact he brought speed and fresh works in for me 

05/04/15 - Amber Zone

Again although I'm still abusing speed there's no comments which would suggest this

06/04/15 - Amber Zone

No evidence of psychosis. Boyfriend visited (bringing me more speed). Refused to see parents 

07/04/15 - Amber Zone

Noted I go to sleep late and wake up late. That's due to the speed and benzos I was taking in there. I also had weed and would smoke a nightly spliff when the others had gone to bed (bar the one sane guy who would sometimes share the spliff with me). Noted I would commit suicide upon discharge (I wish I did!!)

07/04/15 - Black Zone

In hospital 

08/04/15 - Amber Zone

Sleepy and anxious 

Total 

Green Zone - 14

Red Zone - 21

Black Zone - 4

Amber Zone - 6

❤️ 10th April 2015 - Journal PART 2

Well I've just escaped from Springfield. Although I was officially discharged this morning they tried to get me to stay. I realised something was amiss upon my arrival. Suddenly there was a flurry of activity in the staff office. 

The head nurse, who had little time for me during my detainment, when I needed support and advice, had a sudden interest in me. 

Refusing to give me my buprenorphine,  nor unlock the door, separating me from imprisonment and the free world, I sat in the waiting room as a sense of panick and urgency engulfed me. 

My heart began to race, my palms moistened and my head raced as they said I wasn't free to go. I had only just picked up around 20 grams of speed and fresh works. Unable to use a toilet I panicked they would be taken and destroyed should they search my bag prior to taking me prisioner again. 

Being sectioned wasn’t an issue. Losing £150 worth of speed was.

I stated the doctor discharged me, they couldn't over rule this. I knew my rights. All I had done was research this during my stay.

It was now 7pm and any doctor they could reinstate my section, had long gone home. 

So, they asked me to say as a voluntary patient. This I too refused. They kept me, trapped for a good 45 minutes, trying to delay my discharge and get me re-admitted. 

However, unlike the patients who should actually been on a mental health ward, I was far too aware of my rights and the lack of power a couple of nurses had with regard to my detainment. Which is none. 

They only gave up on their lamentable attempt to re-section me, upon realisation my bed had already been allocated to a new patient and they were full.

I agreed to return for my buprenorphine, which is fine as it's Friday night and MDART can't script me until Monday.

And the reason why they wanted me back on the ward? On Wednesday and Thursday when I had leave, I stayed at my friend's house and didn't go home to mummy and daddy.

No doubt my evil family have influenced this (in hindsight I am fully aware they asked for me to be detained and the patient Glen Who had befriended me, Had done so purely to get me resectioned)

My argument was, if they had asked where I was staying, I would have been congruent and said my friend’s house. I'm an adult so surely I can stay where I like.

I got quiet upset, but not due to the impending detainment. My fear was being sectioned and my speed being confiscated. This would mean I would have to wait a whole day until visiting time when I could get my friend to sneak some in for me. 

My speed was in a zipper pocket on the flap that closed my shoulder bag. I opened the bag and flipped the front between the back of the bag and me. 

My feeble plan, should they make me stay was to hide the front flap and I'd just empty the items inside the bag. I would state the same items were in it as when I left and hope they would not notice the bulging sectioned packed with my precious drugs. 

I went to the court yard to smoke a cigarette and utilised not being watched. Waiting for K and G to leave me alone, I quicklya shoved a smaller bag of speed and the benzos in my bra cups.

Now I'd just need works sneaked in. I hoped I could see N**** prior to being imprissoned so I could give him the speed and my works. Of course, bar one syringe and one pin which I'd hide in my Timberlands. On my initial admission, their search routine was so inadequate, they completely ignored my weed grinder filled with weed.

Thankfully for me they realised my bedroom had already been allocated to someone else bed. My tears and protests stating my rights meant eventually I was allowed to leave. 

I truly hated Springfield. It was full of very sick people who weren't with it. I'm a junkie, I need rehab not being locked up and left to rot.

Only good thing was being able to use in peace. The pay phone got around the problem of my hacked mobile phone. 

They broke all requirements of the law regarding being sectioned, providing no treatment for the reason of my admission. Some days there wasn’t even enough food to feed the whole ward. Thankfully food wasn’t high on my agenda when I was using my beloved speed.

Good bye Springfield. Little did I know this meant hello chaos.

❤️ 10th April 2015 - Journal PART 1

Hooray! I'm officially discharged from Springfield after 10 days. Days 8 and 9 were spent 'on leave' and I stayed at my friend's house. I'm dreading returning to my parent's.

I have to return at 5pm for my TTO (To Take Out) buprenorphine. I'm down with medical abreviations. I've had 7 hospital admittances since November and out of 112 days, 52 have been in hospital. That's not far off half.

17/11/14 - 04/12/14

18 Days

Detox

Dove Ward

Crawley Hospital 

27/12/14 - 31/12/14

5 Days

Cellulitis 

Champney's Ward

St. George's 

16/01/15 - 20/01/15

5 Days

Cellulitis 

Keate's Ward

St. George's 

09/02/15

1 Day

Accidental Overdose

Urgent Care

St. George's 

17/02/15 - 27/02/15

11 Days

Detox

Dove Ward

Crawley Hospital 

09/03/15 - 10/03/15

2 Days

Overdose

Resus & Urgent Care

St. George's 

01/04/15 - 10/04/15

10 Days

Sectioning 

Springfield

St. George's

It's the non-accidental overdose that landed me in Springfield. Lessons learnt? Yes do it properly next time. Sectioning is the punishment for half arsed attempts on suicide via overdosing (I was under the pretence Glen and Steve were genuine patients at the time of writing).

❤️ April 2015 - The Inmates

Here are some of my eccentric fellow Springfield inmates.

❤️ 09th April 2015 - Journal

I have returned to Springfield as instructed to take my Victorian Pharmacy opiates, buprenorphine. I must return tomorrow at 10am to be seen and officially discharged, by the consultant. I am currently on a section 2. 

I kindly have a section 17 implemented allowing me two nights of freedom.

From buzzing the door buzzer I'm swamped with misery and depression. I get flash backs to when my counsellor R*** and my social worker C******* brought me.

R***’s previous congruency has vanished Paul Daniel's style. Gone was the honesty which encouraged me to accompany her to the nut house. Instead she kept repeating that I mentioned there had been a larger than normal helicopter presence in my life. Apparently no helicopters are involved. I just seem to suffer an awful paranoia inducing coincident. Maybe I have a gravitational pull.

However R*** is a liar. I'm hurting real bad helicopters or no helicopters.

I have no privacy and my mummy and daddy think this is appropriate behaviour when dealing with a child who, at aged 33, should be able to do what the fuck they chose.

I hate you. I'll never love you. If I want to inject shit leave me alone to do it. Sabotaging my attempts only increase my drug use.

Seriously the treatment I've endured you would think I was a prisoner of war. A terrorist. A mass murderer. A baby raper.

But I'm far from it. I'm just someone who self medicates their ADHD.

My family are the ones who are sick in the head, not me. I'm kind, I live with karma in mind. I rescue animals. Help people. 

They need sectioning, not me.

My parents decided to create psychosis.  They’re the ones who need sectioning not me. 

They are sick. Psychosis is created in your mind through sheer terror.

My parents have made a nightmare, areality

 

They took a nightmare and made it reality, when helping me would have ended this hell we're all living. 

My parents decided to create psychosis 

#iwillbefamous #thetruth #Itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked