Woke up at 11.47am and my appointment was at 12pm. Got there at 12.25pm.
My psyche and the manager where both at this appointment. My psych probably wanted the manager there as I'm a pain in the arse.
I explained about the mess I'm in and the fact my new job wants me to start on the 9th. I've probably only been offered the role as someone else has pulled out. I don't want to lose it.
Anyway I was basically told I have no choice but to have an emergency detox. It would take 14-21 days as it's alcohol and benzos.
I pleaded to just deal with the alcohol and let me home detox.
Again, told no. I could die.
I don't know what to do. My psyche said just to lie to the job and say I'm ill and start later. She said I couldn't go to work in the state I'm in. I guess that's true. But it's only the alcohol that's a problem. As long as I get off that I can taper the benzos and opiates myself until I can take annual leave for a detox.
The only option I was given was to massively cut down on the alcohol and benzos myself.
So I'm doing that.
I haven't had a drink all day until now. Bought what I thought was a fancy cider, but it's some rank larger. At least it's 6.5 alcohol content.
I've not taken any benzos either.
I've spent all day sweating and anxious. Didn't know if it was opiates, benzos or alcohol. But it's stopped now I've had a drink, so I guess alcohol.
I'm hoping the proper work arrives late for this new role, giving me some extra time.
I'm saving my Zopiclone in case I get admitted. I'll will crotch them, along with extra Ritalin and a throw away mobile phone (as you're not allowed mobiles in the new detoxes they use).
Told my psyche about the fentanyl, she said she was aware as I had emailed someone. Said Wednesday's appointment was only booked as I was going to ask to be sectioned. Dr. P threatened me with being sectioned until I promised her I would look after myself and not try to kill myself.
Once the meeting was over I disposed of my sharps. Almost chucked a pin with a little b out. Dr. P was NOT impressed.
She also made me speak to my drugs Counsellor and book an appointment.
So all I've heard all day is I don't have a choice over the matter of detox, I will end up dead otherwise.
Told Dr. P I saw my medical records! That I was green Zone for ages, then nothing, then red and black Zone (black is hospital.. detox.. nut house). She asked me how I saw the records, knowing I'm clever enough to easily swipe someone's computer log in and access the system... I got in trouble in rehab for swiping the staff door codes.
I replied freedom of information act, which is the truth.
Kinda worried if I don't go detox it will fuck up my ADHD meds. Really worried about this job more though.
#itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked
