❤️ Re-Doing Blog... UPDATE - THEY’VE DELETED 168 OF MY PERSONAL BLOG ENTRIES

It’s come to my attention, whilst double checking the diaries I had written into my blog... that a HELL of a lot is missing!

Thankfully this still comes up on my blog.

You cannot log into my google, without me getting a txt message.

So they’ve clearly, very slightly, started deleting my blog entries!! Through my hacked phone!

What the fuck!!

This is MY online diary.

Thankfully, they’re still on the actual blog, so I’m having to copy and paste all my old posts. I know they’re missing as they don’t have my twitter name and #itsnotaboutthedrugs at the bottom.

How pathetic!!!

I still have my diaries. What you gonna steal them

All too????

They’ve deleted well over 100 entries. I couldn’t find the camera light bulb post the other day.

This is evident in itself someone has a guilty conscience!!!!!!! 

Which in turn, is event itself, that what I’ve gone through is real.

Fuck you arseholes. 

You’ve knocked me down a million times before. And this week I shall go through every single diary and add not only the posts which are missing, but anything else I may have missed which shows your pathetic true colours.

Update - it appear 168 had vanished. All my heart felt diaries. But of course, more important to them... all the abuse they have bestowed on me!!!!

Don’t worry, I have a week off work. I’ll bet this up to date!!! And I vow to get my blog posts to reach at least 500. Will be checking both by counting and will keep a separate paper copy of each title of my blog post.

Tick tock tick tock.... time to adult like decent, NORMAL human beings is running out. What till

I get this updated and sent out to all the publishers who follow me on Twitter!!!!

Every little bull shit thing you do, just makes me wanna succeed even more.

Oh, and that involves abusing plenty of drugs until I am successful. 

I’ll get fresh pins each time I use now.

Don’t know why you’d feel threatened by your ‘crazy’ daughters incoherent ramblings... unless there’s truth in them.

#iwillbefamous #thetruth #Itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked

❤️ 25th January 2018 - Journal

As more days pass by, with me living alone, the more I crave human companionship.

I love my pets dearly. Adopting Cyra was the best choice ever... even though I could have adopted a more responsible approach and waited until once had financial stability.

But, thanks to the unnecessary noise I have in my house, anything that can help my brain to justify it as normal, is welcomed.

Bar the slight knock on my door and my Oyster card vanishing, I’ve not been the subject to anymore abuse.

Which is good. Cause I’m really on the edge right now.

I don’t think I want to stay in London anymore. Or anywhere commutable to London.

My health has taken such devastating blows whilst living here, I crave nothing more than peace and tranquility. 

Should I return to Devon, I could purchase a house outright and rent out the spare rooms.

I don’t even want to fight to have my abusers punished appropriately. 

I’m so tired. I’m so depressed. Each day I do not hang myself is miraculous.

I am so broken. And I must be due my period, as I feel immense sadness for what I once had and what could have been.

I wish I was abused as a child. I wish they did something more than dish out beatings which were not appropriate for little children. I wish I was deprived. I wish my calls for love and attention where ignored.

As, that would have made this all the more bearable and not cause the immense pain I am subjected to. 

Why buy me my car, help me with the deposit for my house.... and then, when I needed you. Really needed you... abandon me? My cry for help, was the most humbling, shameful experience in my life. You didn’t have to do anything. Just tolerate my failures and celebrate my successes.

I needed you more than I needed to drive. More than I needed to purchase a property.

I needed to come down stairs when I was at yours, and snuggle up to my mother on the sofa and rest my head on her. 

I needed to feel like a little girl, and hug my father and feel protected.

However, after a good 15 years of substance abuse problems, my inability to rectify this in a 15 day detox, meant I was to be dropped from what I naively believed was my family.

It took 15 years to get into this mess. I am an outcast for not fixing these problems over night. 

I feel so hopeless. So low. I don’t understand why they started this stupid torrent of abuse. 

Why, would anyone, want to make their child, who clearly has mental health issues, decline with their mental stability.

I know this started before my disclosure. Why? I just want to know how exactly you believed they causing my mental decline would be a catalyst for sobriety?

Surely any idiot can come to the conclusion that, mental decline equates in increasing substance abuse to cope with this?

Then, when I fought for sobriety and was managing many clean days at a time... why continue to abuse me?

Surely, you can see how much you’re hurting me? Why do this, when I’m trying to achieve what you pretend you want? Again, a few hours without this immense pain, is a hard temptation to ignore. Especially when you’re treated the same, clean or high. 

Shit, I hurt so bad I can’t even continue this. Fuck it. I’m an idiot. Nothing’s gonna change, nothing ever will. This world isn’t meant for me.

❤️ Who Is Normal? Not My Sick Fuck Family!

As I sit here, struggling to breathe, with the worst viral infection I’ve ever experienced, I am also contemplating.

Who is normal?

Yes I use drugs.

So do thousands of others.

But, to those supporting my family, do you honestly think their behaviour is normal, acceptable and a suitable response to a adult child who has made the incredibly brave step in asking for her family’s support?

Whether that person asked you directly, or like myself, undertook actions fully aware she would be discovered, this was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I’ve never asked before. I have fought alone. I know if I didn’t ask I’d be dead.

I wish I didn’t ask.

They’d still be good people.

Around 12% of adults use drugs.

Undiagnosed adult with ADHD are 80% more likely to abuse substances to self medicated their ADHD.

So, 80% of people with ADHD self medicate.

12% of adults in the UK use drugs.

How many families, authorise mass stalking when their child has problems? 

How many families systematically abuse their child, after their child turned to them for help?

I work.

I own my own house... alone.

Once my bills are paid, I’ll use my money, how I see fit.

❤️ 23rd January 2018 - Journal

Only writing this, just in case I do bother to try and make something of my experience one day. But doubt I will.

N went crazy, recording me with stupid little cameras. Told me he was going to his brother’s and not coming back. When I arranged to see R***, so I wasn’t alone and N decided not to go.... it was all a big joke threatening me with the thing I find most petrifying... of course, me requesting he spent 1 night at his brother’s was enough to cause a massive melt down. He trashed my house in the process. He stole my old iPhone. I’m also having mini anxiety attacks over thoughts he may have stolen other items. If he hasn’t, I’m sure they will have taken them. So I’m not even looking. So sad, if so. Anyway, tears,’spilt milk and all. 

Fucking blackmailed me with the rabbit. Cunt. Came here like he was gonna return. Caused a massive scene. Asked for his stuff and ran off with her. 

I slashed the wires on his razor and shit.

Everyone needs something to love. Not everyone can have a person to love. All I have are my pets. Without them, there’s no point to life.

My notoriety is in full force again. Everyone is staring at me. Too much to cope with when I feel so awful.

I’d spent the week fucking up big time at work, thinking I had a cold. Only to find out I have pneumonia.

Went to hospital last week thursday. Hadn’t slept so relied on way too much sugar and caffiene. So when my meds wore off I was hype. 

Stupid junior doctors clearly skipped uni on the day they read the paragraph on ADHD has more concerned I was hyper and had a fast heart beat. I’m always taccy... I’m lucky to get 118bpm.

So sent me away recommending sugar based cough syrup.

Anyway after a weekend of not being able to breathe, GP sent me back their yesterday for chest X-ray.

It’s really scary.

On antibiotics and steroids.

Have never felt so poorly. Bar, chronic anxiety, I have no hyperactivity... which is very strange.

Chance to tell my story seems too good to be true. The financial incentives are unrealistic, the producer made reference to this blog, when I had not told my colleague the web address. And I know it’s not easy to find via Google. No major websites link to mine. No advertisers... it’s fucking hard to find, unless you have the link.

With my health being so poor, I don’t even care about them having justice in this life. I’m too poorly to fight, too tired for their bullshit, to beaten and broken.

God know exactly what they’re doing, and a lifetime of karma ensues. They are bad, bad people. They are going to Hell. On the other side, a lifetime on earth is over in a matter of hours, or days. I know God will punish them. They destroyed me when I stupidly admitted I needed them. 

People who were my family. I doubt I’ll ever know why on this life. They’ll never put a stop to my pain by being honest. Or prove they’re not as bad as I anticipate by modifying their behaviour. 

As R*** said, they can change things before it’s too late. They could make a tiny step on the road to forgiveness. They can make positive changes... if they want to. 

But the destruction of me, in order to hide their dirty little secret is more important. 

With the dodgy film offer, which will most likely only be a documentary to cause more damage to my reputation, I’m broken peeps.

Instinctively my heart longs for them. Like that split second when you wake up and haven’t remembered the recent devastating events in your life... and then, you remember and your heart sinks. 

So... I’m at breaking point. I’m sure I’ll have more chance of the truth being told if I’m dead anyway. Their sick behaviour turns from abusers to manslaughter, if I end this miserable existence.

Ohhh... just to coincide with the pneumonia, which can be caused by fungus’s... I’ve found more mould in the house.

Every time I’m sick I find mould. This house is killing me.

Think my only chance of living is to move far, buy outright and not work in a full time, stressful job.

Anyway, over and out.

I give up.

❤️ 17th January 2018 - My Rant - Private Thoughts

Well today, I can say I’ve enjoyed this evening’s ‘honest communication’ with my family.

Of course we never spoke. Nor did I authorise them to these thoughts. Like a LOT OF MY PRIVATE THOUGHTS.

Right now I know this phone is most likely hacked. And I know they’re watching on their CCTV, which is a huge crime against my human rights for starters. 

Please ensure invasion of my privacy is included when you convict these people.

In my absence. 

Please punish them for the abuse they have done to me.

If I’m dead, it’s manslaughter not suicide. Well murder to be honest. But the former should be the least of their charges.

Anyway, wrote a rant on another post. Seems a shame to waste it.

Things are moving forward for me... either good or bad, they’re screwed.

Even if I’m done over, the abuse that they’ve done will slowly be uncovered. And if I am done over I’ll top myself. I know Mr X and colleague are reading. So they’re part of my murder too. They pretended they would help me. They lied and if so, I’m dead due to their actions.

Here’s my rant. Time for me to play games. Who does NBD love most. Babies or fat cunt partner? Blood and water and all...

She can decide.

If I get anything official that confirms my offer, this offer is null and void unless prior contact has been made.

If contact has happened... in my OFFLINE folder will be a post called her full name. It will grant amnesty to her in the event of prosecution. 

I promise, swear. I was brought up correct. NEVER LIE OR STEAL.

So this isn’t a lie. It’s here, black and white.

So.. read my rant. You’ll get my drift. She’s a fucking evil bitch too... but not by nature. Her environment made her evil and sick.

I honestly want my nieces to have their mummy. So regardless of her participation, if there’s a post in public or OFFLINE, please no charges.

NBD - be grateful little P has amazed me with the love she gives me and I feel for her. I HATE YOU for refusing me one last visit with her. I wasn’t even gonna bring her in my house. I was gonna bring Orion out. But I love her so much. I’ll spare you. Only coz I love her. Don’t be fooled, NBD has fully participated in the actions on my blog. And coz she’s kinda my age and female, really hurts. Coz I couldn’t do what she’s done. 

Ok.. rant ahead 

Better get stupid named B**** and S**** (NBD’s siblings... really dumb rhyming names. Like her mum’s IQ is a bit low names... but I’m nobody, being watched is all in my head, so I can say what the fuck I want. In privacy. Everyone does. Should have heard the bitch slagging off NBD and F.C. after they refused me to see my niece) in mum and dad mode. They didn’t abuse me enough to be sentenced. Fat Cunt, Nice But Dim, Bitch and Sir-Cunt-A-Lot, enjoy P and P while you can.

Oh... NBD ... I kinda think you’re ok 😉and your behaviour has been influenced by the negative/detrimental people in your life (aka the sickos). I don’t think this behaviour is really your nature.

If you wanna join this team... before it’s too late. I’ll spare you. You can be with P and P. But you gotta chose. Before I decide it’s too late.

Why not send me a random chain email, a joke.. I’ll reply, we can do some BS small talk, and maybe... if I’m in a good mood and nothing pisses me off... I’ll see if you wanna link.

I want my nieces to have their mummy. It’s natural. But wait too long, and you can go down with the rest of them.

You were happy to abandon your maternal instincts and abuse me. You ignored my pleas. You left me desperate. And for fucks sake... you were / should be a nice person.

Look at you.

Anyway, wait until I have official confirmation and it’ll be too late. You have my email. You know where I work.. 

It’s up to you. Decisions decisions. Life behind bars with only some lesbian to eat you... or wave bye bye to the sick partner and in laws who made you a sicko too! And keep your kids. Who do you love more? Fat cunt, or P and P? 

My heart bleeds for the love I will never have from P and P. Which is why you and you only may get a chance.

IF YOU WANT A CHANCE, GOTTA MAKE THAT MORE BEFORE ANYTHING IS CERTAIN. You’re not watched 24-7. He goes work. Up to you. 

But... you may be a sicko like my mummy and not wanna be with the babies. In which case get your family ready. 

And I promise, screen shot this if you’re want, I know you’re watching, reading, hacking my account and all sorts... but I won’t delete it. You make that move, and as soon as this hits the ground I’ll get my legal guy 😏 to confirm you’ve got amnesty.

Promise. Coz I love P & P. Swear on their lives and all. And Orion and Cyra’s. 

Even if this is a con, no matter how much bad publicity I get, the abuse will be told. It’s a massive part of it. 

Or I commit suicide and my friends alert press and police to this blog, my diaries, other notes...

Either way your fucked. And whilst the latter means no charges pressed, everyone will still know what pieces of shit you are. EVERYONE. COZ YOU MADE THIS BIG!! You dug your own fucking graves. Why be so sick and involve so many people? Did you think I’d just pretend it’s not real. Even though it still happens now, fucking sober??

If I die, you’ll be famous. People will look at you like scum. I expect there’s enough evidence to press charges of manslaughter against FC, SCAL and B. You’ll be followed in shops like a crim, even though you’ve got a £5k credit card and £100 cash... oh and it’s fucking Poundland! 

People will sneer at you. When they notice you, they’ll stare. They’ll look in disgust. No matter how much of a nice person you really are.. no matter if it was one stupid mistake which landslides into a mess.. and there’s no one to help you... public don’t care. They’re cruel and you’re all abusers.

Enjoy what you’ve subjected me to! When I needed you all so badly. And cried and begged for you. 

Either way, no matter what, screwed. Either truth or suicide. 

❤️ 14th January 2018 - Update

I’ve been rather quiet on here! Well, if you read often, you may remember my discovery at noticing half my posts had been deleted.

Work has been crazy busy, and I smashed my targets in December. 

Being totally impulsive, I’ve bought / rescued a little rabbit! I need more noise in this house, to drown out the back ground disturbance created by arsehole family number one.

Little bunny maybe a little special. She’s obsessed with licking. To the point she was licking a wall for 10 minutes.... most of my pets have been a little bit special needs to be honest. She’s called Cyra. Arabic for lucky/friend. I’ve had another bunny I called Cyra only to find out she was a he.

I really love her already. She’s been litter trained in a week. And clearly weaned off Coca Cola, crisps and junk food! I’ve never seen a rabbit hound you for human food before.

I’ve got her a bird feeder seed/nut thing and give her fruit and veggies in the evening.

No more wasting vegetable peelings! 

My needles continue to be destroyed, ensuring they are not air right and I can’t flag. 

25 diazepam have vanished.

The mass stalking has dramatically dropped... and guess what?? Surely there’s no correlation... but my junkie drug use has also dramatically reduced too!!!

Even N noticed that when we were out together. 

I’ve done one pin this weekend. The rest was rectal. Ok, it wasn’t cocaine. But still. I could have been a junkie and IV-ed the drug.

It was MCAT. Which is the same as MDMA I’ve discovered. Not worth wasting a vein for.

I have smoked white quite a bit. Maybe three times this week.

I’ve got a non-benzo sleeper, and I’ve stopped the benzos (yay!). Still can’t see me sleeping without sleepers anytime soon. Hopefully, in 2-3 months I’ll be back to just a couple of spliffs.

Ohhh... having the heating on full blast and buying the extra heaters have worked out! Haven’t seen mould since mid December and my house sale has gone through! Hurray.

I get to move far, far away. If any of this shit continues in my new house, fuck life. I will hang myself. Period.

Wanting to do well at work and having my pets encourage me to live right now.

Take it away bastards.

I wonder if they’re getting worried about me telling the truth about them.

Apparently the producer is going to call me next week.

I need to establish how I will be portrayed, get evidence of their funding/credentials. Establish the size of the project, and ensure they’re aware of the fee I will require in order to sign a release form.

Right, gonna sort some posts out.

#iwillbefamous #thetruth #Itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked

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