My drug use began with smoking cannabis. I was adamantly against drugs that was stronger. Aged 14 and a karate champion, I was more into sports, where I got my highs from winning championships in fighting competitions.
As I was unaware I had the disability ADHD at the time, but doing 8-10 hours of a strenuous karate, burnt off any excess energy I had. It was aged. 14-15 that I got my last nights' sleep without narcotic or alcohol assistance.
The lure of skunk and weed grew as I soon discovered, the girl who struggled to quiet her mind, had it quietened by this pleasurable green plant and aged 17 I gave up karate for fear I would be selected for a random urine sample at a tournament.
By then I smoked huge amounts of weed. Choosing to spend my smoking breaks outside in the bitter cold, over the warmth of the allowed smoking rooms of the late 90's.
I was 17 when I first tried cocaine (I feel in love, but earning £3.15-£4.78 working as a Crew Member in McDonald's, meant cocaine was a luxury,at £30-£40 per gram) and ecstasy (£1-£10 per tablet, buying bulk secured the cheaper price) which soon be came my Drug Of Choice.
In order to recoup my costs, I starting shotting (selling). Buying St £1 and selling for £2.50-£5.00 depending on whether we were pub/bar/club whilst adding my own mental note as to whether they were able to sort me out should I take the pee and their experience with the drug.
Aged 21, I swapped pills for cocaine, which I also shot. I also added skunk to my remit for selling. By now I had also tried amphetamine, LSD, poppers and magic mushrooms. I had tested pretty much whatever I could, bar the big three. Crack, heroin and crystal meth.
Fast forward,5 years and cocaine (which became a huge addiction upon splitting from my boyfriend), was swapped for crack and opiates (Burprenorphine initially then heroin) was consumed to remove any crazy crack head fiending.
It took two years, but aged 28 I realised I was now slave to the dreaded opiate Master. I had just turned 29 and been addicted for a year, when I removed the dirty brown, and ensured I had buprenorphine from the street. I would crush a sniff three tablets well aware the bioavailability increased when administering through insufflation.
It wasn't until I reached 30, failed an attempt at withdrawing from bupe, did I finally seek professional help and self referred myself to Merton Community Drug Team (MCDT, soon to be Merton, Drug, Alcohol, Recovery Team or MDART.. 2018, now Engage Merton). The first time I visited I was interview by the psychiatric nurses, a senior team member. The initially crippling ashamed girl, isolated through chains she created herself, Ebenezer style, poured her heart out, no holds, no bars.
It was September and by November the Psychiatric Doctor had referred me for treatment for her ADHD. This explained the immediate calming in my head upon taking a rock of crack. When I smoked crack, my illogical brain functioned like a normal person. Around 18 months after my key worker had referred her, and I had annoyed everyone, bouncing around the centre like Tigger at 9.30am before mental most people are fully alert.
Finally two years after first attending MDART, aged 32, I was treated for her ADHD by the Nutty Professor in December 2013. He soon was elevated to Godly status. Prior to treatment my head was a metaphorical kettle, all my stressed, anger and negativity would begin to invade my head, squabbling for most attention. More and more, and steam began to seep. Finally a blaze of crack, BLAM! Kettle off. Now I had my saviour, methylphenidate (ritalin), and the same crack calming effect, minus the tacchacardia, damaged lungs and increase of cancer.
I had always worked, bought a flat at 25 and my house at 32. I was signed off due to my workload doubling and my means to cope removed. This caused me that much stress I managers suggesting I took the full six months off with sick pay. Prior to being prescribed methylphenidate I self medicate with ehtylphenidate. The legal high version. I had been spending £200-£500 per month
When attending ADHD clinic I met a other adult with the disability who frequently shot up crystal meth. He was healthy and full of life, any negative thoughts about shooting up were wiped away.
This is what pushed me to try heroin intravenously. The first two times it did nothing. Third time lucky though. It was now March 14 and I was aged 32.
As soon as I pushed that plunger, within 30 seconds it was 'WOOOAAAHHHH' I now know why people do this. I had what I can only describe, a full body orgasum. I was hooked.
It didn't take long for me to try ethylphenidate intravenously. Again I knew I could never take it rectally again.
The first rush hit me like a smack in the face. The rush was amazing and it enabled me to cut down the amount I was using.
Within a couple of months by June 14, I had neglected to continue with my buprenorphine and methylphenidate scripts, with the latter being something I deeply regret.
I fell into a dark dank place where my life slowly became more and more consumed with getting drugs and using intravenously.
It didn't take long for my house mate to discover my works as I became more consumed with using and less bothered about discarding used works or hiding the ones I was using.
It was heroin that he tried first. Me finding and flagging a vein for him. I only did it once. After the first time I told him if he wanted to indulge in this disgusting habit he would be stabbing himself.
During the summer me and my house mate would finish DIY at midnight and retreat to the hot tub. However in October we took it down for the winter, and its removal paved the way for 24 hour using. Staying awake for 72 hours was common place.
We fell deeper and deeper into drug addiction. This is when my parents first 'created psychosis'. My friend truly believed there was another man in the house.
This caused massive arguments, and after one of these I finally disclosed to my friend I was using intravenously. She in turn told my father.
Inevitably the dreaded visit from him happened promptly. I was now weighing a pitiful 6 stone 10 pounds (94 pounds / 42.6 kg), only my promise of going to rehab seemed to satisfy him enough to leave me alone.
I returned to MDART, after a good 3 month break and was in detox within 10 days. An emergency admission.
However I still was trapped by the lure of using intravenously, something which was only halted with the ban on ethylphenidate in April.
I had a second detox and a stint in Springfield.
There's a replacement for ethylphenidate. Methylmethlyphenidate. I'm hoping I get my Concerta back as this was reduced and then removed in the two detox stays.
If I'm told I can't have it back I'm likely to order some. But my medication means so means so much to me I'm holding out!
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