Partied Thursday afternoon until Saturday midday with a lot of dramas, heroin, fentanyl, crack, coke, benzos, buprenorphine, Zopiclone and weed.
Saturday slept all day only waking to order pizza and smoke weed. Sunday felt terrible. Drank one coke sized can of 6.5 larger. I glass of processo and 30mg diazepam. Lots of Zopiclone to sleep.
Yesterday one can of Stella, 2/3rd of a 35cl vodka and 30mg diazepam (I was easily taking 80mg before),
Today 1/3 35cl vodka and one Stella. I have another in the fridge for later. 1.5mg diazepam.
Yesterday I felt like hell. I went down MDART to see J but they were in their two hour work meeting.
Today I saw my counsellor and she was well impressed at the level I had cut down and my determination.
Said I still want detox. But 2 weeks arranged in advance over Xmas so I can withdraw from benzos and reduce opiates.
It's not been fucking easy. I've now experienced mild to severe opiate withdrawal, mild alcohol withdrawal (now) and mild benzo withdrawal. Whilst I know if severe alcohol and benzo withdrawal are very dangerous, bit on the mild scale, nothing beats opiate withdrawal. Then alcohol second and benzo last. But I was in detox with the benzo withdrawal and coming off other shit (speed), which probably made the benzo withdrawal less painful. I could sleep for starters.
Just to kick of my anxiety my parents text to say they're coming over with a letter about the noise (Friday, yet to be written about).
Straight away I craved a drink like mad. The craving was unbelievable. Definitely worse than the opiates cravings in opiate withdrawal (physical pain in opiate withdrawal makes it beat alcohol).
Said I would be out, took a benzo and hid in my room in the dark. Consumed with anxiety.
Just heard next door getting a bit heated. The son shouted something about crack heads. Clearly me. They've had a couple of 4am arguments, so pot, kettle and all that malarkey.
Just want today to be over. I have one Stella. I need to get some vodka so I can booty bump my benzo. It's easier to keep track of the exact amount you take (don't have to account for food). And it's much stronger.
But I'm living up to my name and waiting for some crack to arrive.
ADDED LATER
There was no letter about any noise!!!! They almost caused me to get drunk, ruin my taper, trying to get clean!!
Nice family!
#itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked
