❤️ Rehab Bullies - Emails 2016

To - Counsellor and Social Worker

Subject - I'm being bullied!!

There's this woman who's always had a bit of an attitude with me, like kissing her teeth when I sit down and the chair accidentally scrapes, etc. and now she's started bullying me.

Yesterday in art the tutor was waiting for us to fill out forms, and the music was on. Since we were not doing anything I started singing. She's then shouted aggressively 
'WILL YOU SHUT UP'

I've replied no we're not doing anything. So I've carried on singing and she kept on shouting the above. She then shouted I was acting like a toddler (what does she expect when she was speaking to me like one). Shouting got worse and we were pulled from the session.

In with the counsellors she tried to say she spoke to me nicely, and said please. I replied this was bull, and when ever anyone has asked me nicely to stop doing something like being loud, I've always complied.

So now today, she normally isolates, but made a real effort to come out to the smoking shelter and who ever I was talking to she had to get their attention, start talking to them making sure she took the attention away from me.

So back in group and I've gone to speak and she purposely started talking over me. Now outside in the smoking shelter I tolerated, as I'm more well received than her so it didn't bother me.

I was calm as fcuk and asked her not to talk over me. She started shouting aggressively how do I like it. Everyone was telling her to leave it

Instead of getting angry I went and spoke to a counsellor who were super impressed I didn't react and did the right thing.

Anyway I'm ok with the situation at the moment but I will not tolerate bullying behaviour. 

I've suggested mediation should it continue. 

I knew this would happen. She can't cope with me having ADHD, and yes I talk over people, but NEVER is it done maliciously. I can help having ADHD.

Anyway this is why I didn't want a woman's only rehab. But I'm well liked and everyone else says they would change me, as I make them all laugh.

Speak soon

Jay

Counsellor 

HI Jay

nice to hear from you. As you said you are managing difficult situations which always happens between humans ... man and women alike 

big hug, 

R 

Social Worker

Hi Jay
Sounds like you dealt well with the situation. 
I've left a message with your support worker, Paula, but have not yet heard back. I'll give her a call today. 
Thanks for letting me know. 
L

#itsnotaboutthedrugs

@Gemma_Stalked

❤️ SUICIDE NOTE TO R*** AT MDART

Dear R***,

AUGUST 2017

Sorry I told you I couldn't be saved. Well my family started doing their bullshit again. I couldn't take it anymore. So now I'm gone. And free. No more lies, no more hurt, no more pain. I'm sorry this letter is in Private but I couldn't risk sending it before it has happened. I did not want anyone to save me. Plus I would only be undoubtably locked up in Springfield again and left to rot. So I had to do it properly this time.

Remember you told me the truth last time to get me to go there.  I hope you can now tell the truth I'm gone so justice is done. This isn't suicide R*** it's murder.

They continued to torment me R***. I had been to rehab for fuck's sake. What else could I do to make it stop? Being sober just made it hurt real bad.

They made N**** want nothing more to do with me. He was all I had left. He was going to give me £500 for my bills that would have given me a couple more weeks of trying to sort my life out. They knew that and they still carried on. They wanted this. 

OCTOBER 2017

Relasped. Can't take life anymore. Sorry, got wasted and it seemed like too much an easy option! 

#Itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked

❤️ 16th September 2017 - Pretending To Be My Counsellor

Ok, here's the latest saga!!

On Thursday I got an email. It was from my counsellor Rosa and also had her surname.

It Read

Dear J

I'm just waiting for a referral from Sutton and I'll be in touch.

Kind regards 

R***

I deleted the email immediately thinking it was referrals regarding the job that I lost (I could work with people with addiction). Then I suddenly thought... the posts about my suicide attempts on Facebook, disclosing my relapse and despair to the rehab manager... 

So I wrote a fresh email to her asking her about what referral. I said I hadn't been in contact with Sutton.

I sent two emails and there was no reply. 

So I checked my trash and the email from R*** had vanished. I checked all my email folders and it was gone.

I assumed she had recalled it, and began to panic... was I not supposed to know that I had been referred to the drugs team... where they trying to section me again?!

So I went down there and it was her day off.... even more worrying... she felt the need to email me on her day off.

Then Friday she replied and claimed she had not emailed me at all.

So I got drunk, ended up washing out my old coke pins and banging that up, banged up some diazepam (waste of time, not water soluable and the PG oil didn't seem to do anything) and banged up some subbie.

Went down there and ended up speaking to J*** the manager.

Spilled out the whole story. Said I was worried I would be sectioned as I have two interviews for manager roles next week paying £35k.

By the time I had finished my story it was well past 5pm and J*** wanted to go home (not that he made me feel like I had to leave). 

He said on Monday he'd call Sutton and see if they had a referral for me. He'd also book me an appointment to see Dr. P.

Before I went in there I contacted my old rehab and checked they hadn't referred me. They replied they hadn't.

Got wasted... totally wasted.

Then woke up today and had a light bulb moment.

Anyone could set up an email and chose the display name R*** (plus surname).

The email I got at first had no email signature.

The email I got was signed off Kind Regards and R*** always uses Warm Regards

The fact my phone is hacked means they could have easily deleted it from my trash items.

THEY SENT THE FUCKING EMAIL!!!

I've emailed both J*** and R*** to explain this. I've asked they check for a referral and if there is none, please do not make an appointment with Dr. P. I will not be requiring their services.

I can't believe my family did that. My ADHD doc uses the same computer system and I could lose my medication.

Fucking idiots.

Suicide is definitely on the cards now.

And D day... no one shall know that date. I will not even say it aloud.

I feel so relieved now I've made this decision. It will all be over soon

X 

❤️ 28th January 2015 - Dear R*** - Email To My Counsellor

It's at times like these when I actually feel any kind of negativity towards my saviour, methylphenidate.

It's a well known fact, methylphenidate or as you may be more familiar, Ritalin, calms the brain of an ADHD sufferer. It's also used as a sedative. I myself, enjoy my last dose of legal cocaine around 9pm,,and regularly drift into a deep slumber before 11.

Whilst the actions of Doctor B*****, halving my daily dose, have been negative as I now use half the time and take my meds half the time, I am grateful for my prescription.

It offers a break from the chaos not only present in my head due to ADHD, but it means my parent created psychosis, calms down a bit.

Small pleasures 

J