That's really shit, because I never had psychosis, my parents were being sneaky, over whelming, psychopathic freaks and filming me. I also suffered with an allergy to some kind of mite. Like dust mites.
Ritalin makes me normal and stops me using drugs as I no longer get any high from cocaine or crack when I'm on it. I also get motivation, concentration, I do all the jobs I hate to normally do.
I will never forgive A = myself and B = my parents, for fucking my methylphenidate script up.
They've put me on atomoxetine instead which is like an antidepressant. It takes 6 weeks to work (verses immediate action) and the side effects are horrendous. I sleep for 18 hours like a cat, I'm zombie-fied, I just stare into space out of it. It stops my appetite, gives me a tummy ache, makes me lazy and not bothered.
I'm trying to withdraw from my buprenorphine and really cut back with the drug use, tell MDART I've stopped using, so hopefully the ADHD doctor will switch me to methylphenidate.
The only problem is that means no cannabis, but the atomoxetine stops me eating, I can only eat when I get weed munchies.
Maybe being super skinny will help me get my meds switched. Knowing my luck I'll stay relatively clean, lie to MDART and when I see ADHD doctor she'll credit my non-using to the atomoxetine, not my desperate attempts to get Ritalin back.
I have to get skinny. I have to prove this medication isn't right for me. I'd rather no medication than this medication. The only positive is I'm not hyper, but that's only because I'm so monged off it.
I'm also having anxiety over going and finding work. As I'm not getting the methylphenidate I'm not going rehab, so I need to find a job. And quick. Can't move back home otherwise.
In tempted to sell my story to a magazine or newspaper. I think Closer pays £5,000 for a good story. That way at least I could buy a car and get mobile again.
Advice appreciated if anyone is out there!!
Stress, sad (did I mention sad, meds make me feel sad too), anxious
Jay
