❤️ Who Is Normal? Not My Sick Fuck Family!

As I sit here, struggling to breathe, with the worst viral infection I’ve ever experienced, I am also contemplating.

Who is normal?

Yes I use drugs.

So do thousands of others.

But, to those supporting my family, do you honestly think their behaviour is normal, acceptable and a suitable response to a adult child who has made the incredibly brave step in asking for her family’s support?

Whether that person asked you directly, or like myself, undertook actions fully aware she would be discovered, this was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I’ve never asked before. I have fought alone. I know if I didn’t ask I’d be dead.

I wish I didn’t ask.

They’d still be good people.

Around 12% of adults use drugs.

Undiagnosed adult with ADHD are 80% more likely to abuse substances to self medicated their ADHD.

So, 80% of people with ADHD self medicate.

12% of adults in the UK use drugs.

How many families, authorise mass stalking when their child has problems? 

How many families systematically abuse their child, after their child turned to them for help?

I work.

I own my own house... alone.

Once my bills are paid, I’ll use my money, how I see fit.

❤️ 23rd November 2017 - What The Terrible Junkie Did Today

Ok... so here’s my day

1) man on the broken northern line, trying to connect to WiFi... most likely to update you all on my location, and couldn’t connect.

I realised by entering my email address in Wi-fi Extra it connected. I shared this knowledge with him

2) Man came in without an appointment. So I had 20 mins for lunch so I could see him. He was angry at first, but once I started talking to him about the programme and the help I could provide he really cheered up. Got him hooked onto CSCS. He’s a single dad. It’s a pleasure helping people like him. He’s also a tattoo artist. Maybe I’ll be treated to a free tattoo when I get him employment!! My candidate last week made me a bracelet for helping him get his driving license.

3) My colleague is off with a bereavement. So I also registered her customer.

4) My candidate J**, lovely boy but he’s a pain in the bum. Couldn’t make it to the office so we could refund his travel. So I met him at the tube station and reimbursed him out of my own money. Of course I’ll get this back tomorrow, but what I did, was above and beyond the remit of my role.

So maybe instead of making MY life a misery, because of the LIES you’ve been told, you read my blog and see that you shouldn’t judge a book, based on some retarded critic’s review, when the critic never read the book in the first place and the review you read was complete fabrication.

Hopefully seeing my R*** tomorrow too!! 

Yay!!

#iwillbefamous #thetruth #Itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked

❤️ 2017 - THE TRUTH

Ok, here we go. This is being written especially for the residents of Pershore Grove who have done their upmost to enable my family to torment, abuse, stalk and harass me.

Here is the TRUTH!!

Ok, firstly, I have got myself into a bit of a mess. However, if my friends weren't tormented and I had privacy and security in my home, this mess would not have happened in the first place.

I'm a 36 year old woman. It's my human right to have privacy.  I should also be able to feel secure in the home I worked hard for and I purchased!!

However thanks to you supporting my parents, I am faced with no other choice but to sell my and move far far away to escape their abuse.

For starters, I spent 14 weeks in rehab, but that wasn't good enough for my family. Upon leaving they still watched me 24-7 . The manager of the rehab was even going to let me stay the additional two weeks even if I didn't receive the funding, as she was so concerned about me returning back to living with them. 

I'm not going into what happened, but ultimately I lost my job due to their abuse and lack of personal boundaries.

Yes, I did have a period where I was using a lot of drugs. But that stopped. However they didn't.

They continued to torment me to the point my friend has to live with me so I was able to get some respite. They would constantly whisper when I was in the house alone, reading everything I do on my phone and watching me 24-7. I cannot use the bathroom, have sex or masterbate without being watched.

As I'm in financial difficulty I thought I would sell MY share certificates to help me get through this period. However I stupidly mentioned this in my house and they disappeared. 

My family are well aware should my money run out, suicide is likely. I can only come to the conclusion they clearly want this, or why steal my share certificates. Not so much a loving family eh?

They steal items from my home, only to replace them the next day. They clearly want me to think I'm mad. I already have ADHD and mental health issues. Would a loving family who care about me want to make these issues worse??

There's no respite for staying clean. Nope, none at all. I stay clean and I'm still tormented. After a few days I am desperate for a break of these negative torrential feelings. Can you really blame me for using?

They make me constantly feel anxious. It's well know anxiety is a major cause of drug abuse. If they wanted me to stay clean, why give me so much anxiety??

I feel so desperately sad due to their behaviour. They know this. There's many a time, when I know I'm being watched, I've pleaded with them to knock on my door and tell me the truth and I'll stop injecting and using hard drugs. They never knock on my door. I feel so constantly sad. Again, why would they continue to make me so sad that I will do anything for respite?

Their behaviour makes both my ADHD and OCD worse. Again, they know that self medicating these conditions is what brought me to drug addiction in the first place. Yet they continue to make both of these conditions worse.

All it took was one relapse! My first relapse after detox and this crazy behaviour started.

Let me ask you all, do you really deem constant surveillance on a 36 year old necessary? And it's not just the surveillance. It's the whispering , the noises in my house, the stealing things, the unlocking of my front door when I've just paid £100 for new locks.

This IS NOT about drugs. They clearly want me to think I'm mad. And they clearly want me to kill myself.

They've spent thousands turning my dream home into a house of horrors. The people who should be helping me in times of need. But instead, all they've done is push and push me to use all for a blissful few hours of respite.

I went to north London for a treatment I booked and I was even stalked there with some bloke watching me and saying aloud 'YEAH, SHE'S GOT BLONDE HAIR'

I've caught them on camera stealing from me and I've caught a family member I do not talk to entering my property. I did have a really good incriminating video, but of course they went to extreme measures to make sure this was deleted off my phone and online account. Their stupid secret and game is what is important here. Not me... not me staying clean.. not me picking myself up and finding new employment... nope none of that. Their game of abuse and torment is all that matters.

I try to stay clean. But after a day spent job searching when you come home to a glass of wine and are trying to watch TV in peace, only to still be tormented, it's not hard to see why I crack.

Yes, I have a problem with addiction, but addicts need support, or else they relapse. Not only do I not get any support but my family actively continue to abuse and torment me. Is it any wonder I relapse??

Yesterday I tidied up, did some craft projects, visited my mother in hospital. Came home, watched TV and went to bed. And as soon as my friend was asleep they started making noises appear to come from down stairs in my house!!! What have I done to deserve this? I didn't use. Why make their single 36 year old daughter scared to be in her own home??

They are nasty pieces of work and all you've done is enable them. 

I will ALWAYS have additional mental health problems because of my family. I will always be paranoid.

I don't even want to go for job interviews or to look for work because I come home to an unlocked door. They clearly don't want me to find employment.

So thank you all for ensuring I am a complete outcast. For believing their lies. They are not concerned in the slightest about me, my wellbeing or myself staying clean. All they want to do, is make me think I am mad!! Tough love?? No, sick, warped, twisted, evil behaviour!!

Please please look at what you have witnessed and look at what I have written above and answer honestly... is this treatment normal? Would you do this to your adult children? Especially if they needed support and help. Would you undertake behaviours which only increas their drug use? Would you have your single adult daughter stalked by strange men? Would you make her petrified to be in her own home? Would you watch your adult children 24-7? Would you steal from them? Take their post? Go through everything, right down to their rubbish? (I noticed my rubbish was regularly tampered with when I was stuck living in their house). Would you hack their phones? Read every single text, email and listen to every phone call? To the point where I have to wait until I leave the house to deal with my business.

All I want is to be happy. I was happy in rehab. I craved drugs around 4-5 times in 14 weeks. They know I'm not happy now and they go above and beyond to ensure I remain that way.

They are the sickest family in history. I am so sad I got stuck with them, instead of a family who cares about me.

But, the good news is, if you're reading this I'm finally free!! I've either moved very far away or I've killed myself!! Either way, I'm incredibly happy, I'm free from my abuse and I'm in a better place now.

Feel free to read the rest of this blog to see the other sick things they've done.

Love The Junkie with a kind heart who you all ran out of town.

#Itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked 

❤️ 19th June 2015 - Journal

Sorry for lack of input.

I've been feeling kinda down. I've got no fight left in me and dread the possibility that this will be expected of me, to brush under the carpet, even when recovered.

I won't be able to clear my name.

So much effort into something causing nothing but further detrimental effects. 

As I'm famed for smoking crack cocaine, least let me share my recovery once achieved. 

I'll probably be denied it. 

Shame, I can admit my faults. I certainly can't live a lie. 

Hmmmmm.

❤️ 04th June 2015 - Journal

Bought new clothes. As I tried them on I heard 'I've gotta watch her she's a junkie'. Just left changing room door open. 

Again in the toilet.

Banged up in wooded waste land.

Tried to speak to The Sun and although I was telling them a member of the Met Police broke the law, they seemed weird. Told me to go hospital. Something not right here.

Found Internet cafe where my brother could spy on me. Makes me so sad. Dunno if he was speaking fluent Spanish. If so well done fat cunt!

Honest I'm surprised.

Got on bus and got talking to Junkette. Well one saw me go to my bag and said in Punjab or similar 'she's banging up'. I replied I was getting my phone. I got the head phones and pretended to talk. Saying out loud what my parents where doing and that it was legal Ritalin. This enabled me to engage with one.

After hearing the truth he felt sorry. I asked

'Why am I famous'

'You were in The Sun'

Wham! Everything fell into place.

Got hostel in Brixton where Junkette was waiting to make sure I didn't bang up.

Crying in tears I tried to find a pay phone to call home. 4 ate my money but didn't work. As I walked the street I told people it wasn't true and more confirmed. A picture of me smoking crack taken by my  bestie. 

My mother still lied. I cannot believe they have ruined my life. And lied. Suppose

'GIRL WITH ADHD USES LEGAL RITALIN' doesn't evoke as much hatred as dirty crack junkie. This is why The Sun seemed weird on the phone. 

This must have been January, possibly when I was in hospital as my LinkedIn profile got more views than an MP.

Not only have they destroyed my house, car, possessions, killed my rabbit, had me sectioned, but now I know why everyone is on track mark watch.

They control my internet so I can't find the article either. I knew people wouldn't lie for them forever.

Either they tell the truth or, if I fight for it, when I win, there is no family. 

They prevent me calling The Mirror, why? The truth WILL come out. 

All they have done is make me use more drugs. They could have paid for ADHD doc, got me concerta, paid for detox and rehab. 

That's all I want my Ritalin. I can't get it until detox is booked. My drugs team are full of excuses as to why it's not being booked.

I want to go. I want my meds. I'd be willing to do daily drugs tests for concerta. I'm heart broken.

My career in education, over.

Everyone is pushing for me to fail. Not one person will help me. I need help. I can't do this alone. I'm scared, weary and running out of fight.

Before I met people and then they decided whether I was nice or not.

Now they all hate me and I have to prove I'm nice.

I wanted a quiet life. Rescue chickens, growing vegetables, peace, being anonymous.

I can never forgive them for taking that from me.

Along with the sick things they've done, they're up there with Fred and Rose West for sickest parents. I'd rather physical abuse. It lasts 20 minutes and it's over. My abuse it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

I'm trying to fight for help and the truth. Otherwise I'm heading for suicide.

I can't fight the whole of the UK.

I'm so devastated. Not only have my whole family ganged up on me, tortured me, destroyed my life, but lied to the national press.

I will never pretend this is in my head. If they want me in their life the truth is imperative.

Death has never seen more appealing.

Junkie Jay (not my real name but I will change it by de-poll) 

❤️ 09th June 2015 - THE TRUTH!!!!!

Fuck me, I've been told the truth.

The Junkettes - Readers of The Sun

The person whom I believed to be my best friend... Well he conveniently snapped me smoking crack.

So the whole of the UK (majority, The Sun is probably the most read newspaper), believes I am a crack head.

This is why I'm famous. And it's damn unfair. Yes I am a junkie. But I suppose 'girl addicted to ethylphenidate who has ADHD is banging it up' wouldn't evoke as much hatred as 'CRACK HEAD, LET'S MAKE HER THINK SHE'S CRAZY'

When I was told everything fell into place. It's so sad, this is why even when I'm clean I have stalkers. Everyone is ready and waiting to knock me down. Not one person will help me.

I want my concerta back. Until I have a date for rehab this isn't happening. My drugs team are messing me around. Giving me a new excuse each time. I'd go detox today if someone would get me in their (you have to be clean before rehab and I need to detox from buprenorphine).

All this madness does is make me use.

My parents could have paid for private rehab months ago. 

I don't like having to use... I like choosing to use. The only drug free time in my life was when I was on concerta (Ritalin).

I cannot fight against the whole of the UK. I doubt I can wait 3-4 months for rehab.

There's always another way out though. It makes me sad contemplating it, but the thought gives me so much peace in my head.

My rabbit has bonded so Mr Fyver and Mrs Fluffy no longer need me.

My cat Orion has found a new home. 

There's nothing left for me really.

Why would any parent want their child to think they're mad. Why? 

I wish I had the kind who sends their kids to rehab.

I wish mine understood it's not as easy as just stopping.

I wish they had ADHD so they knew how my brain feels.

I wish they would help me.

I wish they would tell the truth about me.

Most of all, I wish they would give me a break.

I may find it possible to forgive my mother. Never my father. He is evil, pure evil. When he did the nasty evil things to me I would hear her crying.

Each time another nasty thing happens to me I think my mummy allows this. 

If anyone can help me get into rehab please let me know. All I want is my Ritalin, rehab and a chance to tell the truth.

I know I need help. I know I have problems, I can't do it alone. I'm running out of fight now.

Desperately sad J (I'm changing my name) the junkie or as you know me, the crack head.

❤️ 09th April 2015 - Journal

I have returned to Springfield as instructed to take my Victorian Pharmacy opiates, buprenorphine. I must return tomorrow at 10am to be seen and officially discharged, by the consultant. I am currently on a section 2. 

I kindly have a section 17 implemented allowing me two nights of freedom.

From buzzing the door buzzer I'm swamped with misery and depression. I get flash backs to when my counsellor R*** and my social worker C******* brought me.

R***’s previous congruency has vanished Paul Daniel's style. Gone was the honesty which encouraged me to accompany her to the nut house. Instead she kept repeating that I mentioned there had been a larger than normal helicopter presence in my life. Apparently no helicopters are involved. I just seem to suffer an awful paranoia inducing coincident. Maybe I have a gravitational pull.

However R*** is a liar. I'm hurting real bad helicopters or no helicopters.

I have no privacy and my mummy and daddy think this is appropriate behaviour when dealing with a child who, at aged 33, should be able to do what the fuck they chose.

I hate you. I'll never love you. If I want to inject shit leave me alone to do it. Sabotaging my attempts only increase my drug use.

Seriously the treatment I've endured you would think I was a prisoner of war. A terrorist. A mass murderer. A baby raper.

But I'm far from it. I'm just someone who self medicates their ADHD.

My family are the ones who are sick in the head, not me. I'm kind, I live with karma in mind. I rescue animals. Help people. 

They need sectioning, not me.

My parents decided to create psychosis.  They’re the ones who need sectioning not me. 

They are sick. Psychosis is created in your mind through sheer terror.

My parents have made a nightmare, areality

 

They took a nightmare and made it reality, when helping me would have ended this hell we're all living. 

My parents decided to create psychosis 

#iwillbefamous #thetruth #Itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked