❤️ 30th September 2016 - Rehab Journal

Why am I writing this shit? I don't know. I'm fucking pissed. A) my Ritalin has worn off B) Kate has contacted me, still lying about giving me a date rape drug. She might be able to get her daughter back and she's shifting it about my threat with the Feds and the hair test. 

I don't belong here. I ain't been abused or lost my kids. I'm just a silly little rich girl who loves drugs. I will always be a junkie, I don't wanna change, just stop opiates.

I like my room mate. C likes Eminem too.

I don't reckon I'll sleep tonight.

Food is on par with Springfield.

It's shit and I want out. 

Can't wait to bang up when I'm out.

Fuck this 

❤️ 02nd October 2016 - Rehab Journal

Everyone here complains they are fat, but they eat so much. I felt power refusing cakes this evening. I wanna tell Rosa I vomited but I'm worried this is self harm and she can break confidentiality. 

 

I'll have to restrict tomorrow as I can't be sick everyday.  

 

Ended up binging! I am disgusting! 

 

* 2018 - To Add - just like in prison or detox, or any other institution, when a group of girls lose their appetite suppressors they get incredibly obsessive about their weight. I’d say easily 1/4 of us displayed eating disordered type thinking. However, without our magic substances, we all gained a lot of weight. I came home a good 10lbs heavier. Both me and R would use the bathroom and run the bath to cover the sound of vomiting. And not just us, as Sick was found when neither me or R was responsible.  

 

I managed to hide diet pills through 2 rooms searches and amnesty!

❤️ 05th October 2016 - Rehab Journal

Need to speak to R***, talking about trauma. Only trauma I've had is the sick things my parents have done to me. I can't bring it up. No one will believe me. 

Plus I haven't been traumatised like them. Just suicide and my overdose and my borderline eating disorder.  

 

I want to eat fish goujons but I can't have lunch and dinner. 

 

Might wash hair later so I can vomit. 

 

I thin the counsellors want me to be depressed and find something I can call traumatic in my life. 

 

I NEED my R***!! 

 

They're telling me I will be depressed when I'm not new! What the fuck!

❤️ Rehab Bullies - Emails 2016

To - Counsellor and Social Worker

Subject - I'm being bullied!!

There's this woman who's always had a bit of an attitude with me, like kissing her teeth when I sit down and the chair accidentally scrapes, etc. and now she's started bullying me.

Yesterday in art the tutor was waiting for us to fill out forms, and the music was on. Since we were not doing anything I started singing. She's then shouted aggressively 
'WILL YOU SHUT UP'

I've replied no we're not doing anything. So I've carried on singing and she kept on shouting the above. She then shouted I was acting like a toddler (what does she expect when she was speaking to me like one). Shouting got worse and we were pulled from the session.

In with the counsellors she tried to say she spoke to me nicely, and said please. I replied this was bull, and when ever anyone has asked me nicely to stop doing something like being loud, I've always complied.

So now today, she normally isolates, but made a real effort to come out to the smoking shelter and who ever I was talking to she had to get their attention, start talking to them making sure she took the attention away from me.

So back in group and I've gone to speak and she purposely started talking over me. Now outside in the smoking shelter I tolerated, as I'm more well received than her so it didn't bother me.

I was calm as fcuk and asked her not to talk over me. She started shouting aggressively how do I like it. Everyone was telling her to leave it

Instead of getting angry I went and spoke to a counsellor who were super impressed I didn't react and did the right thing.

Anyway I'm ok with the situation at the moment but I will not tolerate bullying behaviour. 

I've suggested mediation should it continue. 

I knew this would happen. She can't cope with me having ADHD, and yes I talk over people, but NEVER is it done maliciously. I can help having ADHD.

Anyway this is why I didn't want a woman's only rehab. But I'm well liked and everyone else says they would change me, as I make them all laugh.

Speak soon

Jay

Counsellor 

HI Jay

nice to hear from you. As you said you are managing difficult situations which always happens between humans ... man and women alike 

big hug, 

R 

Social Worker

Hi Jay
Sounds like you dealt well with the situation. 
I've left a message with your support worker, Paula, but have not yet heard back. I'll give her a call today. 
Thanks for letting me know. 
L

#itsnotaboutthedrugs

@Gemma_Stalked

❤️ 24th September 2016 - iPhone Hacked - Letter To My Abusers

It's  ok, I'm going to overdose on my meds soon. I'll let you pay for rehab first though. Having time away from you will be worth it

You're all so pathetic. You know (and told the whole of the U.K.) I'm a junkie. You know I was in opiate medication. One would has really anticipated you may had explored what these meds do and what happens when you stop taking them.

I have been opiate sick! Yes I know I took too many Nytol last night (not the night just gone), but i was desperate to sleep. You've (old cunt of a father) have told me you need two zopiclone, so your behaviour is rather hypocritical.  And how quickly do you get through a bottle of brandy.

So thanks for making an incredible hard, DRUG FREE, time of my life much harder than what should have been.

If your expect me to stay off drugs however, well that's not possible until I het the truth. Your call

I'm looking forward to your decision.