On Thursday I got an email. It was from my counsellor Rosa and also had her surname.
It Read
Dear J
I'm just waiting for a referral from Sutton and I'll be in touch.
Kind regards
R***
I deleted the email immediately thinking it was referrals regarding the job that I lost (I could work with people with addiction). Then I suddenly thought... the posts about my suicide attempts on Facebook, disclosing my relapse and despair to the rehab manager...
So I wrote a fresh email to her asking her about what referral. I said I hadn't been in contact with Sutton.
I sent two emails and there was no reply.
So I checked my trash and the email from R*** had vanished. I checked all my email folders and it was gone.
I assumed she had recalled it, and began to panic... was I not supposed to know that I had been referred to the drugs team... where they trying to section me again?!
So I went down there and it was her day off.... even more worrying... she felt the need to email me on her day off.
Then Friday she replied and claimed she had not emailed me at all.
So I got drunk, ended up washing out my old coke pins and banging that up, banged up some diazepam (waste of time, not water soluable and the PG oil didn't seem to do anything) and banged up some subbie.
Went down there and ended up speaking to J*** the manager.
Spilled out the whole story. Said I was worried I would be sectioned as I have two interviews for manager roles next week paying £35k.
By the time I had finished my story it was well past 5pm and J*** wanted to go home (not that he made me feel like I had to leave).
He said on Monday he'd call Sutton and see if they had a referral for me. He'd also book me an appointment to see Dr. P.
Before I went in there I contacted my old rehab and checked they hadn't referred me. They replied they hadn't.
Got wasted... totally wasted.
Then woke up today and had a light bulb moment.
Anyone could set up an email and chose the display name R*** (plus surname).
The email I got at first had no email signature.
The email I got was signed off Kind Regards and R*** always uses Warm Regards
The fact my phone is hacked means they could have easily deleted it from my trash items.
THEY SENT THE FUCKING EMAIL!!!
I've emailed both J*** and R*** to explain this. I've asked they check for a referral and if there is none, please do not make an appointment with Dr. P. I will not be requiring their services.
I can't believe my family did that. My ADHD doc uses the same computer system and I could lose my medication.
Fucking idiots.
Suicide is definitely on the cards now.
And D day... no one shall know that date. I will not even say it aloud.
I feel so relieved now I've made this decision. It will all be over soon
X
