N went crazy, recording me with stupid little cameras. Told me he was going to his brother’s and not coming back. When I arranged to see R***, so I wasn’t alone and N decided not to go.... it was all a big joke threatening me with the thing I find most petrifying... of course, me requesting he spent 1 night at his brother’s was enough to cause a massive melt down. He trashed my house in the process. He stole my old iPhone. I’m also having mini anxiety attacks over thoughts he may have stolen other items. If he hasn’t, I’m sure they will have taken them. So I’m not even looking. So sad, if so. Anyway, tears,’spilt milk and all.
Fucking blackmailed me with the rabbit. Cunt. Came here like he was gonna return. Caused a massive scene. Asked for his stuff and ran off with her.
I slashed the wires on his razor and shit.
Everyone needs something to love. Not everyone can have a person to love. All I have are my pets. Without them, there’s no point to life.
My notoriety is in full force again. Everyone is staring at me. Too much to cope with when I feel so awful.
I’d spent the week fucking up big time at work, thinking I had a cold. Only to find out I have pneumonia.
Went to hospital last week thursday. Hadn’t slept so relied on way too much sugar and caffiene. So when my meds wore off I was hype.
Stupid junior doctors clearly skipped uni on the day they read the paragraph on ADHD has more concerned I was hyper and had a fast heart beat. I’m always taccy... I’m lucky to get 118bpm.
So sent me away recommending sugar based cough syrup.
Anyway after a weekend of not being able to breathe, GP sent me back their yesterday for chest X-ray.
It’s really scary.
On antibiotics and steroids.
Have never felt so poorly. Bar, chronic anxiety, I have no hyperactivity... which is very strange.
Chance to tell my story seems too good to be true. The financial incentives are unrealistic, the producer made reference to this blog, when I had not told my colleague the web address. And I know it’s not easy to find via Google. No major websites link to mine. No advertisers... it’s fucking hard to find, unless you have the link.
With my health being so poor, I don’t even care about them having justice in this life. I’m too poorly to fight, too tired for their bullshit, to beaten and broken.
God know exactly what they’re doing, and a lifetime of karma ensues. They are bad, bad people. They are going to Hell. On the other side, a lifetime on earth is over in a matter of hours, or days. I know God will punish them. They destroyed me when I stupidly admitted I needed them.
People who were my family. I doubt I’ll ever know why on this life. They’ll never put a stop to my pain by being honest. Or prove they’re not as bad as I anticipate by modifying their behaviour.
As R*** said, they can change things before it’s too late. They could make a tiny step on the road to forgiveness. They can make positive changes... if they want to.
But the destruction of me, in order to hide their dirty little secret is more important.
With the dodgy film offer, which will most likely only be a documentary to cause more damage to my reputation, I’m broken peeps.
Instinctively my heart longs for them. Like that split second when you wake up and haven’t remembered the recent devastating events in your life... and then, you remember and your heart sinks.
So... I’m at breaking point. I’m sure I’ll have more chance of the truth being told if I’m dead anyway. Their sick behaviour turns from abusers to manslaughter, if I end this miserable existence.
Ohhh... just to coincide with the pneumonia, which can be caused by fungus’s... I’ve found more mould in the house.
Every time I’m sick I find mould. This house is killing me.
Think my only chance of living is to move far, buy outright and not work in a full time, stressful job.
Anyway, over and out.
I give up.
No comments:
Post a Comment