From my hand written diary....
If you’re reading this and you’re not my privacy denying family and I’m either...
Famous 🤩, Published 🤑, or Dead ☠️
YOU know ‘some’ of the things my parents did under the guise of ‘psychosis’
Psychosis 🤪 By Mum 👵🏻 & Dad 👴🏻
Notes, memories, tarot readings from a time when I needed help and no one came.
But I’m sure you’re unaware of the full length of TORTURE I was subjected to from my ‘loved’ ones.
I cannot even fully detail their ‘Prisoner of War’ style torture, for fear of being Sectioned.
I HAVE NO FAMILY
How My Family Made Me Mad, Glad & Bad! - She'll be so crazy she’ll need more drugs to cope!
Jay - a rather successful person, trip and falls after losing her car, her home, being bullied at work, finding out the mother she used to love had cancer and losing her beloved pet.
Her family decide sectioning her is the most successful way to ensure she refrains from intravenous ethylphenidate use.
Instead of helping her reach sobriety their actions make her so miserable her using sky rockets. And this is her story.
Methylphenidate was snatched from me under cruel, unfair circumstances. Ethylphenidate, like its prescription only cousin, is a short acting stimulant. At the height of my addiction I was using between 1-3 grammes, intravenously, where I'd bang up 1/10th a gramme to 3/10th a gramme per hit. I'd do this from 10 to 20 times per day as my tolerance, combined with it's length of action, meant it lasted no more than an hour.
Waking up sober and indeed the numerous times during the day I faded back to sobriety, yet still suffering from their cruel actions under the guise of psychosis, only drove me to use far more drugs. At least double the amount I used when I was able to use in peace. My useage was upped by 50% easily due to their action. Ultimately they are the reason why I lost my Concerta script resulting in the same consequences too. I was so addicted at one point I was unable to arise from my bed without hitting up first.
So enjoy my decent to hell.
This blog contains information from my iPad and subsequent phone emails, journals in notes and finally diaries and has been collated since my 20’s at the start of my drug addiction, declining to crack and heroin addiction. My brief moments of relative recovery and then my final decline when I hit rock bottom during my legal
High addiction which progressed to intravenous drug use.
The more you read the more you will understand why my psychiatrist was quick to get me two urgent drug detox admissions and the subsequent week’s admission in Springfield mental hospital.
The sad thing is, my parents actions only insured my drug use skyrocketed. Instead of showing me love and researching addiction, they turned their backs on me and researched psychosis in an attempt to recreate something a brain creates through sheer horror.
I always have suffered from mental health. My ADHD was not diagnosed until my 30’s. Treated 32. I had suffered crippling addiction problems by this age. Self medication of my ADHD began at 13. These destructive habits were deeply engrained now. It would require a lot more than 10 days in detox to undo the damage all ready done.
At first it was cannabis and alcohol. They would soothe my hyper ADHD brain and enable to me sleep. From 16 was smoking cannabis daily.
Whilst it calmed my ADHD it also made me lazy. So my discovery of ecstasy and cocaine, it’s effect on my dopamine receptors was all I needed to quickly become addicted. This meant I was no longer relying on weed, which means no bingeing and being lazy. In fact I wouldn’t eat at all.
However I could hold articulate conversations. I didn’t go off on a tangent. I could organise things, tidy, deal with paper work. I was efficient and effective.
The come downs where crushing. The misery, which whilst cocaine was generally a day, ecstasy could have you feeling blue all week.
Mind you, dropping from 12 stone (168lbs / 76.2kgs, to 8.7lbs (119lbs / 53.2kgs).
After ecstasy and cocaine was crack and heroin. I only ever smoked b in a spliff and crack was never injected. I did max out two £10,000 credit cards and new I had to make some changes.
So, I kinda got clean. I changed to subutex, an opiate replacement like methadone. And changed to £60-£100 crack a week. Much better than £700 a week.
Then, whilst almost within reach of my Ritalin script, methylphenidate... the temptation to buy the legal high ethylphenidate was too consuming to ignore. I purchased it, along with numerous legal highs (I have easily take the over a 100 Drugs in my life... I must list them!)
You can find the majority of them listed in the ‘List of Drugs I’ve Tried’
The loss of my normal Concerta increased my self-medicating to daily.
If I am unable to get my Concerta prescription reinstated I will definitely purchase Ethylphenidate’s new replacement and revert back to self-medicating.
The events depicted in this blog are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental
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JayElle Famosjunkey
#iwillbefamous #thetruth #Itsnotaboutthedrugs
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