Total Pageviews

Search This Blog

Saturday, 5 May 2018

❤️ 26th October 2017 - Email To My Social Worker

I’m probably gonna get a telling off but as I’m doing so well don’t think I’ll get P45

I’m supposed to get 2.5 registrations a week. Had 10.5 / 14 Days in office on project and I’ve have 10 registrations  already 



Sent from Jay’s iPhone
On 26 Oct 2017, at 12:19 pm, LF wrote:
Hi J, 
If you require support from mental health services then Merton Dart can refer you to Sutton CMHT services.

We would then get a referral from a service- could be Dart or CMHT, then social needs are accessed again

How are you today? 

What has worked said? 

LF
Social Worker

Ummm... my whole life falling to pieces

Sorry, naturally I don’t have many people to support me.

As it was an emergency I contacted you.

So are you only a rehab Social Worker?

Obviously I’d love to work with you again for

Continuity and not having to retell my whole life story 

But also welcome any referral you can provide.

Obviously my mental health has seriously declined since 

Losing my job. Although now employed I’m still struggling 

Thanks

Sent from Jay’s iPhone

On 25 Oct 2017, at 8:37 am, LF

Hi Jay

Yes, I turn the phone off at five . 

If I don't, I could be dealing with a crisis and this would present me with difficulties. 

Also, I'm am no longer your social worker as closed you when you rehab finished. 

I would recommend you self refering to Sutton Reach, they are a floating support service who could help with benefit issues. There is also a service in Sutton who may also be able to help, I'll get their details and send over. As much as I want to support, I cannot do to much as no longer open to me. So if I put in the calendar that I'm meeting up, I would be questioned as you are not in my case load. 

What is it that you need help with ? 

Apart from council tax? 

L

On 25 Oct 2017 2:33 a.m.,

Are you You Strickley 9-to-5

Sent from Jay’s iPhone

On 24 Oct 2017, at 1:37 pm, LFwrote:

Hi Jay, 

I received your voicemail. I was on leave Friday and Monday so only picked up the messages today. 

I am around if you want to call, but I do have meetings to attend so we can try and get a quick call in. 

Many thanks 

LF
Social Worker

❤️ 15th November 2017 - Email To My Drug’s Psyche

HI J

Good news about GP .
I will need a copy of the blood results so I can complete the referral.
You have done well reducing the doses and hopefully will be able to reduce further, if not stop totally as it will make the detox shorter and easier for you.
Best wishes
J

-----Original Message-----
Sent: 15 November 2017 13:31
To: JL & OB
Subject: My GP Appointment 

Just to let you know GP sent me for blood tests and prescribed Permethrin and for the first time since I moved to that house my Constant itching and creepy crawly feeling has stopped!!

I explained about my house being damp, having evidence of mould, the possibility of being allergic to it, or suffering from mould mites and from what I can gather he didn’t seem to think that was out of the question. 

It’s really sad that what I chose to do in (now, Not 2014-2015 as my drug use was incredibly dangerous then. Fair enough), in my spare time, has caused me to be judged and not able to access the treatment I needed.

However whilst I am angry for being sectioned, I do appreciate the life saving detoxes you provided.

GP also has no info regarding my re-engagement.

O I gave him your details 

Hope J told you how well I’ve done with regards to cutting down the Benzos And sleeping aids 

J

Sent from Jay’s iPhone

❤️ New Home For 3 Rabbits Needed!!!

Ron, Reg & Cyra (MUST NOT BE SEPERATED!)


Ron (black 6 months), Reg (black and white 6 months) and Cyra (grey and white 10 months), are three bonded bunnies who must stay together.


They have all had traumatic pasts, and have now bonded, so they must go as a three some!


Cyra, female is neutered and vaccinated. She’s almost 1 year old. When she came to her last owner (deceased) she had been rescued from a young couple who did not know how to care for a rabbit. Cyra had outgrown her small cage, and was too naughty to be allowed to run around. Due to this, her last owner adopted her.


Cyra had sore ears from being trapped in a wet cage the majority of the time. She would purposely knock over cans of Cola and beg, like a dog for crisps and take away.


When Cyra was adopted by her last owner (sadly deceased), she was no longer confined to a small cage, and soon developed a cheeky boisterous personality.


She was a house bunny, allowed about the house with supervision. But also had her cage and pen. She was only caged at night.


However Cyra was clearly getting bored. Although her last owner gave her lots of interesting rabbit food and toys, she kept being naughty and her last owner knew she needed some rabbit companionship.


As there are no more rabbit rescues in London, her previous owner searched and searched through Gumtree.


But whenever she said she needed to bring Cyra first to see if she could bond, they were no longer interested.


Finally her last owner saw an advert for two boys who had been bonded, neutered and vaccinated.


They had sad stories too, originating from Pets at home. When their first owner went to buy Ron she saw Reg going mental. Apparently they had been bonded out of a litter and together for all their lives, bar the last couple of hours. Pets At Home didn’t care they had bonded and just wanted rid of the rabbits. So the original owner took them both. Unfortunately her disabled dogs where allergic to them.


Thankfully, they met Cyra and became a spoiled bunny trio!!


They are in a 6ft hutch with a downstairs 4ft run in good weather. When supervised, they are allowed free reign of the bunny proof garden.


When it’s cold they are brought in at dusk and allowed to play in the indoor pen, before being put into a cage at bedtime. All three are happy to be put back in the large cage for bedtime (11pm - 7am).


They enjoy lots of fresh dark greens!! Lettuce, spinach, cabbage, mint, coriander, parsley, basil. Three large bowls per day.


They always have bunny biccy’s on hand. Before bedtime they enjoy fruit (especially banana), sweet corn, carrot, etc. 


They also love freshly cut grass! It has to be freshly cut, as they’re not the most intelligent and don’t have appeared to understood, that green stuff growing out of the ground is the same stuff I cut each day for them!!


Personalities!!


Cyra - she was my first!! She’s very friendly and will lick you. She has never bitten me intentionally (only by mistake when separating a fight when bonding). She’s naughty, mischievous, cheeky and loving. Now she has two boyfriends she’s definitely less naughty!! She’s the one who will struggle the most when you handle her, but it’s not hard to handle her. She loves cuddles and has the most beautiful doe eyes... she will stare right into yours and let you know she loves you as much as you love her! 


Ron - he’s the most timid, and lowest of the pack. Cyra has only just started grooming him. He’s very scared with strangers (it breaks my heart you’ll be stranger number 4 for him to get used to). He’s hard to catch if you let him free! But the easiest to handle. He never kicks. He secretly loves a stroke. He’s also secretly the naughtiest one!! Keep your eye on him.


Reg - the leader!! He is definitely king and Cyra is his queen!! Thankfully Ron is their prince, so currently doesn’t need to be bonded. He’s more confident than Ron, and a little harder to handle. 


Reg and Cyra are like each other’s shadows!! But more recently, Ron is there too and a. beginning to get closer to them.


They all love being stroked together!! There’s nothing more beautiful than a pile of bunnies huddled together whilst you stoke them.


They need daily cleaning of their litter boxes. They have two inside their hutch, one in their run, two in their inside cage and two in their inside run.


They need toys to chew on and toss.


They will come with everything you see photoed which their previous owner hasn’t used.


From learning, she discovered it’s better to buy proper small animal litter than use saw dust as they make such a mess with it. Plus it can give them breathing problems.


Total expenses previous owner paid

Cyra & Cage - £60

Neutering and Vacations - £80

Ron, Reg, Cage & Toys - £120

Indoor run - £60

Outdoor hutch - £80

Fly Strike Spray - £20

Litter boxes - £20

Toys - £40


For the right family (older children is a prerequisite! Rabbits are prey animals and don’t enjoy little ones picking them up roughly! So ideally aged 7+), £150.


All rabbits are neutered and vaccinated. There is now way you can get a friendlier group of rabbits, neutered, vaccinated, with this amount of accessories for a price near that.


Rabbits can live for at least 10 years, so commitment is vital.


A crazy single animal lady, like the deceased is welcome!!


(All their cards, medical records are in my arch lever file in the kitchen).

❤️ Bad Examples

I’ve begged my parents for help! At the moment I’m doing fuck all wrong and the stalking is big time. To the point none of my colleagues will talk to me anymore. Combined with the phone hacking, so my alarms don’t go off, making me late for work, within. 2 weeks, I’ve gone from a nice colleague with the possibility of making sober friends, to public enemy number one.

I’ve done fuck all wrong.

Today I went chemist, shopping, fixed my hot tub (no doubt it will be deflated tomorrow!) and painted my rabbit hutch. They’ve felt the need to torture me to the max!

This video sums it up. I’ve begged them for help. I’ve stopped hanging up frequently, I sorted out a job... I’ve done everything right. And I’m still abused.



❤️ Things That Make Me Cry

This photo. My family know due to their recent behaviour I cannot take anymore and I’m giving up. Rather than help me... they go the extra step by making my community hate me. NO ONE would stop to save my suicide 😞




Monday, 30 April 2018

❤️ 13th April 2018 - Journal

Well, I’ve been on a major downer, hence lack of blog updating.

Firstly, two weeks ago a new girl arrived at work. The receptionist called me over and whispered she said Ade was her manager... I knew it was coming, but no way anticipated it would be this soon. D** has only been there just about a month.

She was introduced to EVERYONE but me. Fair play I am incredibly busy... but my 6 month probation isn’t until 15/04/18, meaning I could be out with a week’s notice.

Two whole days pass. My manager A** then called a meeting with my replacement B***** and D** and I was alone, with the candidates.

I couldn’t do it. Rolled a fag and went and had a cry in the car park.

Eventually I went into A**, almost in tears and said I was worried they would get rid of me, after ALL the fucking hard work I’ve done. 

I’ve managed that fucking programme alone since October. My old colleague did some registrations, but from October - February she only ever put ONE job on, and even that was one of mine I gave to her!!

A** assured me I was safe until 31st May. 

Earlier than what I would have liked, but the work environment is toxic (metaphorically) and my house in London is toxic (literally), so it’s not that much of a downer.

Plus... she an AMAZING EMPLOYMENT ADVISOR. Much more experience than me!! 

Day three I explained to her my negative vibe. No one was told she was starting, I was worried about my job security.. blah blah blah.

I then noticed she was very friendly with the girl who doesn’t like me A*****. We’re ok now. But outside a working environment we would never chose to socialise... do you get what I’m saying.

So... due to the bullshit my ‘loving’ family continued to spread once I had secured employment, the management fucking hated me from day dot. That and the combined abuse which affected my ability to work. Like alarms not going off etc.

Then, I say I’ll be leaving but house not ready until October.

Then I’m told if they find a good EA I’ll have to leave (even though my congruency was due to the dedication I have for my candidates and wanting to give my employer enough time to find a suitable replacement).

Then, a role which is fucking hard to fill is filled.

Then I find out, it’s the mate of the one person I don’t get on with.

B**** is lovely, but these factors will prevent me ever building as good a bond as I would under different circumstances.

She’s very different though... professional I guess. We both worked for another company G**, and both left after a few months.

And while she’s way more experienced, she’s doesn’t have that ability to connect with people like I do.. 

And that... is the only way I fluked myself through the role and fucking smashed their target leagues month after month.

Only months I wasn’t top was October (started on 15th). January (off sick for two weeks and another week working but super ill) and March I didn’t hit registrations and was just under my 6 month sustainment target, but February I was alone and did double the number of required registrations. So not only do I have 22 new candidates but I’ve been training D** too.

I really love D**. She is so much like me. I know everyone says ‘keep in touch’ when they leave a job but I sincerely hope we do.

I recon she’ll be smashing it, like I have, as she’s proper followed my lead.

Went out for her bday today. Really didn’t wanna go. Glad I forced myself.

Ended up disclosing about my crazy past.. but did send her some evidence to back up my claims. Really hope she doesn’t think I’m crazy.

I worry too much about what people think of me.

And.. the rabbits.. it was carnage. Ron had massive fight with both Cy and Reg. Cy bit the fuck out of me when I tried to stop it.

The house which ‘doesn’t have any damp problems’ now has a hole in the bathroom floor... and the floor looks black and rotten. Which is weird for a house with no damp problems.

Gonna bodge it. 

Anyway, I hope the rabbits were just pissed coz they needed more space.

They’re outside now during the day, which is nice.

Right, hopefully I haven’t scared off D** as she invited me out tomorrow and I may join her. I mean, I’ll have gif to force myself, but once out I’ll enjoy it. 


❤️ iPhone Hacked Again

So I stupidly left my phone out of my possession for 10 mins and it’s been hacked again.

Which ensured my weekend in Devon was ruined.

That’s good though, coz if they start doing their crazy spread the bullshit down there, it will get back to J**** my mum from rehab and I’m sure she’ll save me.

List of craziness happening on my phone now


  • Out of my possession again
  • Noticed people appearing to track again
  • Stopped backing up
  • Couldn’t erase iPhone 
  • Noticed referral site to my blog from iPhone news app
  • I cannot use iPhone news app
  • I can only use TOR on underground 
  • Noticed I had app 1Blocker on my iCloud back up, but I isn’t downloaded app, nor was it showing on my phone or search 
  • Blog share keeps crashing 
  • Can’t use my WiFi at home
  • Wouldn’t let me update software at home
  • Found unknown devices connected to my WiFi 
  • Can’t use internet properly 
  • Can’t type on my blog unless I switch to aeroplane mode 
  • Siri is constantly listening 
  • Phone keeps switching itself on
  • No serial number
  • Can’t share posts
  • When I change passwords the accounts freeze / mess up 
UDATD - well naturally the Pc I brought doesn’t work, but i managed to download iTunes at work. It was fucked. The serial number vanished again and kept crashing their Macs. He believed he fixed it...

He hasn’t. I’m back again on Thursday. Going Regent Street this time.

When I was doing DFU I did manage to get ONE which had no error reports in analytics, but still had dodgy backup on it, so I stupidly did it again and up came ‘Springboard’ again.

Hopefully tonight... I’ll be able to look into this in more depth and ask the apple geeks in google to help... if I can use my phone!!

For some reason, the new password I just changed my phone to, isn’t working. On my third attempt, I’m locked out.

So if you don’t hear from me, you know why. Ideally later I’d like to fill you in with my plans.

Yeah... had enough...

But if I can’t use my phone to stay busy, I guess, I’ll have to occupy myself by other means... and we all know what those means are.

so... depends if my abusers, wanna be up all night whilst I stick coke in my arm! Or if I can get my phone to work. I’m sure the latter will be there chosen option. 

Coz they’re sick.


BTW - my house sale isn’t real, and I doubt my job was either. As job wanted notice ages ago, and now the house buyer is asking for bear documents I can’t produce.

I’ve asked my Sir Cunt A Lot for help... he’s not bothered replying. He most likely only contacted me as my phone was being DFU and he wanted to know where I was.

They’re all in a neighbours house. I can hear my Fat Cunt, my aunty, mother and niece.

What have I done today that warrant this behaviour??

Went food shopping and got my medication.

I’ll update you properly on the misery they’ve been causing me lately... making my colleagues all hate me again. I almost had a friend. A friend who didn’t do drugs. But that’s all gone now.

Hopefully I’ll be updating you later. If not I’ll be sticking needles in my arms!!!!!



Saturday, 28 April 2018

❤️ Karma - What Goes Around Comes Around

Had to record this Jem from My Name Is Earl. So the TV reporter ruined Randy’s life. But she only did to him, exactly what he had done to her.

This is all that keep me alive, knowing karma will come back to my family, for ruining mine.

And it comes back three fold. Unfortunately due to the amount of pain, hurt, abandonment and constant abuse which has no correlation to whether I use drugs or not, I cannot wait for karma to come back to them. 



❤️ Another Tear Jerking Moment From My Name Is Earl

When you label somebody, they stop thinking of themselves as human, and turn into that label.

Couldn’t be more correct. I had addiction problems long before my parents discovered. But I kept them hidden. Even my £200 crack and heroin addiction whilst being responsible for implementing a new Work Experience Programme for a local college.

Then my personal shame was not only exaggerated, but told to the whole of the U.K. 


Due to my prerequisite for perfectionism at whatever label bestowed upon me, I suddenly wanted to be a junkie even more.

Just like what Earl says. I was no longer a person. I was a junkie.

So, this is what I am, still to this day, due to their relentless spreading of lies and abuse. 



Friday, 27 April 2018

❤️ 20th December 2017 - Email To Documentary Maker

I’m Speechless!! Please Don’t Think I’m Mad!


Please don’t think I’m crazy... you’ll get full evidenced story later sent to you.

I really hope this is real (when you read my story this will make sense, because of what’s happened to me, and how my family ‘pretend’ it’s all in my head!)

I knew I’d get to tell the world the truth one day. I’ve even had feelings that it would be soon. This could be my chance to escape those sick sick people and actually have a reason to change my life.... which I really want. I don’t think you realise how much this means to me. For a long time now, I’ve not done ‘the future’ I just prey I can get through the flipping day. 

Ok....... I’m aware I’m not supposed to know this.... but my fucking arsehole family have made me famous for having drug addiction problems. All it took was one failed detox and they sold my soul the Sun. I’ve had several people confirm I’m the junkie from the Sun.

They’ve spread the word... mainly on foreign social media (recently), that I’m a terrible terrible junkie and I must be tracked by people. My friends (the two I have left) have witnessed me getting bear attention, having strangers take my photo etc.

However I know I’m famous for taking drugs... as look at who follows me on Twitter... TV casting... publishers... Amy Winehouse’s dad!!! Plus loads of research chemical companies (these are what fucked me up). Look at all the mental health places which follow me. And this is my ‘quiet’ more personal Twitter (172 followers), my other account has 920 followers.

My blog gets 100+ hits a day.

My family made my home into a house of horrors so they could torment me. They’ve kept quiet I have adhd and i was using ‘legal’ Ritalin. I used to have people shout ‘crack/smack head’ when it was only the legal Ritalin I was using.

They’ve also kept quiet how I work, have a mortgage, pay my taxes, am intelligent, articulate and HAVE BEGGED FOR THEIR HELP.

They’ve had many a chance to be honest in return for my sobriety, but would rather torment and abuse me.

They drive me to relapse. The fact they’ve watched x 3 suicide attempts (house is full of CCTV... found light bulbs with video recording stuff in before../ they’re more advanced now) and still continue leads me to Believe they want me to kill myself.

For two years I’ve had this crazy crap. I was even sectioned as no one believe my family were sick fucks who would do what I said they were doing. 

I’m not being weird, but when you become ‘famous’ you definitely notice it.

Anyway, I’ve never made a serious attempt at recovery, as I have sworn, until I can get the truth out, I don’t want to, to be honest.

They cause sooo much hurt, naturally I want to self medicate. I just went rehab so I could cost them a lot of money and get away from them for 14 weeks. Should have been 12 but I didn’t want to be with them Xmas last year and the managers were so concerned about me going back to them they were gonna let me stay for free (as I have a mortgage I didn’t get much funding so paid £700 a week for the privilege).

They still fuck around with me now, which is why my start here was rocky... I have no idea why they’d try and ruin my employment when it means I’m busy contributing to society and not taking drugs during the day.

PLEASE DON’T THINK I’M CRAZY! I can evident a lot of what I’ve just written

Anyway I’m sure you can see that with the followers I have I can draw a lot of attention.

I will email you my ‘life story’ later and fill you in. It’s fucked. I have such a privileged back ground and until Dec 2014, PERFECT parents.