17th May 2018 – Journal

I am so broken.  I cannot take anymore.  It’s constant abuse.  I have no idea why.  And I have no idea how to make it stop.

They have completely ruined any mobile device I own.  I purchased a new phone and within hours, it was hacked and I was unable to use it.

I created a second account for the phone, and it didn’t take long until that was hacked.

My Sky WiFi is hacked.

My iPhone, apparently had nothing wrong with it.  Even without a SIM the minute I connected to the internet it was fucked again.

It’s got about 40 error reports in two days.

I put a passcode in, and it’s accepted.  I try to open my account and all of the sudden the password, which was accepted two minutes ago, no longer works.

They’ve changed my Mastercard details on my account so I cannot even recover it using that.

It’s clear my house sale is not going through as all the legal documents which relate to the work my father has done, does not appear to be on any national registers.

Yesterday, I received some call to my direct line from an anonymous number.  When I answered, they hung up.  Then my dad sent me some BS email saying he had to go to a meeting.  I know he wasn’t at work.  He clearly was making sure I was at work, so he could go and steal the electrical certificate.

I will never sell my house.

I will never be happy.

Nothing I do stops the abuse.

It’s my mission now to spread the truth. 

Today on the tube I wrote a large message saying

DID YOU KNOW I HAVE BEGGED FOR THEIR HELP AND INSTEAD THEY’VE TOLD LIES AND ABUSED ME FOR 4 YEARS’. I’VE BEEN RAPED BECAUSE OF THEM. THEY HAVE DESTROYED EVERYTHING INCLUDING MY CAREER.

I know everyone was staring at me.  As I got off the tube, I caught a couple of men’s gaze, and one had tears in his eyes.

They want me to kill myself so they can delete my blog and hide the truth.

From 1^st June 2018, it’s my mission to let people know the truth.  As I won’t be moving.  As I won’t have a mobile phone to do anything on.

I can dedicate all my time to making sure every single person who believes the lies, now knows the truth.

UPDATE

Well today I decided if I was going to be stared at I’d give them something to see. Wrote about being raped and begging for their help, but they abused me for 4 years instead.

I’ve noticed U***** and S***** are whispering about me. They sit there, whisper to each other and look at me.

Can’t believe they’re judging me when they fucking know me.

In the company meeting my manager said to my colleague she was in ‘rehab’ because in her last role they were paperless and we’re not. U***** and S***** see me get anxious and whisper to each other.

Then someone said ‘stalking’ and the same. It’s so cruel. No one will talk to me. They can see how my mental health has declined. And they’re joining in. Abusing me. Stalking me. Pushing me to suicide.

I can only begin to fathom the awful lies which have been told about me.

Before the meeting, A** my manager could see I was beginning to freak out. Thankfully, he told me to sit next to him and asked me to take notes, which gave me something to focus on. God bless him. God bless him and small mercies. A** if you’re reading this, I can bet you I’m dead. Thank you. Honestly. When the whole world hates you for bullshit... tiny things like those kind words mean the world to me.

And thank you D**. Just for sending the odd text. When I’ve felt so hopeless. I know you don’t want to be associated with me and my tainted reputation, but your messages came at a time I was so low.

And F****, who has relentlessly endeavoured to unhack my fucked devices. Three people who know that the public’s perception of me is incorrect. Those three people and their small gestures, have made the unbearable, ok. Have enabled me to scrape by.

And of course S**. I don’t know whether his intentions are congruent, but having someone to confide in has been crucial for my survival.

It’s not tough love. They don’t care. They have stolen my contracts from the storage place. And this morning, I heard a noise, mid panic attack over having to leave my house.. and then I find my toilet seat had been lifted up. As if a man had used the toilet. I’m a single female... they are just going above and beyond to scare me for no good reason.

They want me to kill myself. And they’re going to try and delete my blog. To hide the evidence of their sick abuse.

Tough love my arse. I’ve begged them to be honest and stop. I’ve said I would fund 6 months of rehab if they did. They don’t stop. They continue. They want me to die. So they can try to hide their dirty secret. But they’ve made it big. They’ve made me famous. And if they push me to commit suicide they’ll look a million times more a piece of shit than what they look like now.

I know they won’t stop.

I know my only escape is death.

People already think I’m the biggest piece of shit alive. But I will make sure the fucking truth is told. No matter what I say, I cannot come off looking any worse.

The massive amount of members of the public who have seen my mental decline, is evidence itself I’m being abused. Shame on U***** and S*****, who are ruthless

UPDATE

Tonight my friend’s dad, introduced me to another girl, from my ends, my age...

And I got to talk.

And I wasn’t judged (other druggies are more sympathetic and able to show more empathy)

And she didn’t think I was mad.

And the night was so normal.

I haven’t had that in ages.

If every day was like that, I wouldn’t want to get wasted to cope with my anxiety and stress.

It was like when I was in rehab.

We had quite a lot in common... including similar names and the same age. And she’s local. And unlike the other crazy crack heads I’ve known, she’s not a compulsive liar.. I could trust her (ok... only for a short time... twice bitten, three times shy) in my house with my stuff.

And I feel so heartbroken now, as I know tonight I’ll wake up to something missing, and being tormented tomorrow.

God - thank you! For 4 hours of precious, beautiful, well missed, sanity. Although I know they would have been watching... and are probably getting ready to abuse me now.

If my life was like that, I wouldn’t want to come home and get wasted every day due to the sheer state I am in due to the anxiety and stress I have.

It was like rehab.

If tomorrow was like that, I wouldn’t want to use.

Tomorrow won’t be like that.

I’ll be abused.

It’s not about the drugs is it?

16th May 2018 – And It All Falls Down

Email to my father….  The dodgy work he has done on my house is all coming out now.  None of the required legal documents have been done.  Here is my email to him

 J***.S*******@met.pnn.police.uk

16/05/2018 - 13:52

Hi Dad

Buildings Regulations Consent Gas / Fire Boiler – It says installation says GASAFE187485 and its dated 11/12/2014, it’s the certificate of when the boiler was installed.

The documents you have given relate boiler and hob from 2017, so this has nothing to do with the boiler installation.  I have contacted the national register and they have no record of me at this national gas place.

The electrical certificate you have given me is not the correct certificate.  But I have ordered this and it should be there when I get home today.  However, a lot of my post and deliveries have been going missing.

My old solicitors have closed down, so I cannot get the details of the extension the council did.

I don’t understand this gas thing….  How can I not be on the national register?  Is the work you have done on my house legal?

I’m concerned about my electricity for certain, as the bill is incredibly high.  The amount of debt I am in is crazy.  Perhaps if this is down to an error on your behalf you could be so kind to help with the money owning?

Seeing as I’m not there most of the day, and even when I turn ALL the electrics off via the fuse box, I can still get electrical readings from places in that house, it’s rather alarming. 

I’ve also have thermal images taken of my windows and lights, during the day when the lights have been off and the windows have been in the shade for hours, and they have come up as being extremely hot. 

Finally I’ve also had an independent electrician tell me, the house is not wired correctly, which is very concerning.

If these fault lay with the work you have done (and you did get the whole house re-wired and install the boiler), I urge you to fix it please.

My new house is my dream house, and I have a feeling I’m never going to get there, because the work you authorised is dodgy as hell.

Just so you know I am working Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

Please be honest with me, if I need to phone the estate agent in Plymouth and cancel my dream home, let me know, because they will be installing my choice of décor soon, and I wouldn’t want them to do that, and not get to live in the house.

I am so stressed, I am so upset.  I can’t believe I was stupid enough to believe I would actually get to move somewhere that wasn’t decrepit, falling to pieces, making me ill and causing so much misery there are not even words invented to describe how I feel.

Regards

Jay

Employment Advisor

14th May 2018 – Journal

Alarms didn’t go off

Work PC.

iCloud password changed

Well today IT was trying to fix my computer from 10am until 3.30pm.

I used another computer with AGV to change my passwords again.

I’ve been locked out of my new iCloud account.

They can’t leave me alone can they?

B**** was really cold towards me. Anytime I tried to start a conversation, she quickly would turn to D** and start another one on a different topic.

I still can’t get the stuff I need to sell my house, but my dad magically can. I’ll never escape.

My animals will have to go to a charity and I’ll have to go into witness protection.

I can stand all the hatred people have for me. Especially when it’s not even true. Was speaking to D**** about it. And seeing as ‘It’s all in my head’ he seemed to have a good understanding of something that’s in my head and never been explained to him. He said did I really want to bring up old skeletons. I said any skeleton had been brought up and exaggerated x a million. I had no problem with people knowing the truth about me. Because they don’t have an actual clue about the truth.

 And M*. He’s Muslim though and it seems to be Muslim people who are showing the most hatred.

I said to M* if the bullshit was true, how do I work every day. How do I pay my mortgage. How do I care for 4 pets. He knew what I was talking about. He also knew it was wrong. Whatever is being said about me.

Realised they might not have deleted whole posts, but they’ve deleted information out of the posts on my blog.

I’m gutted.

I don’t think I’m going to live.

I’m going to get the truth told and kill myself. After doing some damage back to them.

I am already dead.

I’m just a body with nothing inside.

I won’t go to jail. I’ll be dead. Even if they catch me first, coz they were intent on getting me sectioned, I’ll play the nut job game and cheek my meds until I can overdose.

If I get respite and get to move, I’d like to detox again. If I get the truth told I’ll happily do rehab properly this time.

But it’s not about the drugs. It’s a game of hiding the sickening abuse I’ve suffered now because of them. My family.  When I stupidly went to them, when I needed help.

13th May 2018 – Journal

Finally!!

The abuse will be over soon. The police take an oath to serve and protect people. And the way I am living at the moment, I definitely need protecting.

They’ve said due to my father and him abusing his role, there will be nothing recorded with any details that can be traced to me.

Got a new phone and new number. Soon as I put the new number in the hackeked phone the new number was hacked.

PC lady said I’d most likely have to go to a safe house to escape them.

I stupidly said ...’well let’s see how this weekend goes, lets see if I can unhack the phone.

Spent all day fucking up my yahoo and almost lost access coz of them.

One of the texts was a fucking O2 mobile number!!! Will get the number from O2 and give to the police to sort.

I hope people working for the Police, Fire Brigade and Nurseries don’t need DBS checks for their jobs??!

Oh shit..: they do.

Abuse, GBH (damage from destroyed needles) stalking, harassment, theft... and much more)...

BYE BYE CAREERS.

Hello prison sentences.

Stalking and harassment are big now.

So even though I will need to find an animal charity to adopt my babies whilst I’m in a safe house, the time they spend in jail away from their children, will far surpass that.

Too late for forgiveness.

Too late for the truth.

Too late even to stop now (after today)

I almost lost my career coz they stopped my alarms going off and I kept missing work.

They were pissed coz I lost my previous job. Then they ruined the new job I got.

Hope they enjoy karma.

They’ll never do their jobs again

And the fact they continue to abuse me, now, just gives me more strength to have them fucking prosecuted.

You’ve had your chances.

I’ve begged and cried for you.

I said I would self fund 6 months of rehab for you to stop.

I watched both my mummy and daddy in piss poor disguises walk away from me as quick as they could, while I sobbed for their help, begged for them to stop and promised if they were honest I’d change my way.

It took less than 2 months for their lie to become more important than being honest and my sobriety.

They’re nasty scum

What goes around, comes around

And surveillance to watch for you will be coming soon. And they won’t even tell me when in case you find out.

Front and back of my house.

Hope you’re not entering illegally. Like before.

What goes around comes around!!

PART 2

Well today I did some painting of my rabbit’s hutch and then went to have my rings valued ... for ‘insurance reasons’.

My dad bought me one from Hong Kong when I was around 16. It’s beautiful. Apparently it had 4 diamonds and an emerald in it. It cost £500 and 20 years’ ago, it was valued at £800. My aunty J*** gave me another one, equally beautiful with an emerald. Apparently a family heirloom. Again, supposed to be expensive.

I cannot help but think they took so long to return my gold jewellery so they could get cheap copies made for me. I be C****** (fat cunt’s girlfriend) has my real ring.

I went to TK Max. It was closing time and a member of staff was sorting the wallets. My OCD side took over and I did the black ones for her.

I then saw a Roccawear watch with several bracelets. I went to see if it was one bracelet joined together or several different and the muslim security guard started talking into his walkie talkie about me.

The watch only cost £20. I said I earned £30k a year and would have £220k in my bank soon. I said I worked full time I was buying a house outright.

I went downstairs and was stalked by staff.

I tired to make conversation, but they were arseholes. Keeping my hands in the air I left the shop.

I said to the security guard why was he being judgmental.

He just kept screaming at me to leave. I was calm and asked if he wanted to search my bags.

He just kept screaming for me to get out of the shop.

I left and stood outside making a cigarette. The undercover security guard came out and I emptied my bags on the street.

What the fuck have they been telling people about me. I can’t even go shopping anymore.

And I can’t shop online as one of my neighbours stolen my amazon delivery.

I went straight to the police station and reported the abuse, harassment, stalking, theft and being raped.

Said I was scared coz my dad worked for the Met in IT and clearly was abusing his role.

I said I wasn’t a terrorist, a murderer, a paedophile. I said, yes I used drugs. But a small amount a week. I said I was a bad junkie before, banging up 3 grams of speed. But I go to work. I pay my mortgage and my bills. My job enables me to contribute to society. Because I have taken from society (rehab, detox etc.).

I said surely my father doing this was wrong and the tax payers money shouldn’t be spent on stalking a ‘normal’ person. I had adhd, so me smoking £20 of white, didn’t turn me into a crazy druggy. It calmed my head and stopped me having a panic attack, which I’m having daily.

I said due to my father’s role I was scared to report this, but I could no longer continue to be frightened in the house I have bought.

I work. Pay my bills. Pay to care for my pets. And the little money left I spend on drugs was a lot less than what most people pay to get intoxicated.

Said I almost lost my job coz of the phone hacking And my alarm not going off.

Told her I was that scared I might need to go into witness protection.

I said this had gone on since 2014, and nothing I do makes it stop.

Even after rehab I was abused.

She’s told me to gather information.

So I’ll get my managers to give me the emails about missing work / being late for work. I’ll get the iStore to give me all the appointments I’ve had for my hacked phone. The error reports in analytics. The IT department to say my work PC was hacked. All the fake Yahoo! Codes from O2 and EE numbers (yahoo sends from a 5 digit number you cannot call). I’ll get a statement from Julie when I was in rehab and I showed them the camera lightbulb pics and she let me stay another two weeks.

And the times and dates of every incident. Including my mum’s colleague shouting ‘boo hoo hoo’ when I said I had a cold last weekend but shut her mouth about me saying no one came when I had pneumonia... and the abuse only stopping when I had N here who raped me.

I’ll ask the electricity company why my bill is so high when I’m a single person out all day and find the photos of Joe when he took the heat photos of my windows which where in the. Cold all day yet came up super hot. How even when I switch the electricity off my windows frames still give off readings.

They’ve had chance and chance to stop. Even if they aren’t going to tell me the truth. They could have left me move and be away from this shit.

They’ve fucked up Devon too. My sober friend who wanted to live with meX doesn’t talk to me anymore... and I was stalked again:

I recon when people know the truth, it won’t be me they hate. I know my dad lied to get me sectioned, I saw it on my report.

He could have helped me. He could have paid for me to see an adhd psyche. Instead he tried to make me think I was mad.

If he stopped when I stopped banging up 3 grams of speed a day; maybe I’d believe it was psychosis.

When he still does it now, ruining my career.. and my ability to leave my house... it’s gone too far.

There’s no chance for redemption now. Told the police lady all of the above.

Told about never having an unhacked phone, privacy and the fact he was lying to make people hate me as much as posisble.

I don’t mind people knowing the truth.

They just want me dead.

And deleting things doesn’t matter. The police can still find out what had been deleted by who. VPNs can’t hide you. They’ll be able to find the links which have been deleted off my blog and who has deleted them off my blog and who has hacked my phone.

And.. they all need a DBS for their jobs. Karma... karma. You almost destroyed my careers. SAy goodbye to yours now.

Karma.

10th May 2018 – Evidence – Cubits Account Locked

Hi J,

Thank you for reaching out.

Of course, we'll be happy to help. As a security measure, can you please send us a photo of the first page of your passport next to a piece of paper that has “Cubits, 2FA reset, <today's date>” written on it?

Best regards,

Your Cubits Support

On 05/10/2018 06:21 PM, J wrote:

Hi, I keep trying to 2FA code and it’s not being accepted by cubits.

My email to use cubits is email@email.co.uk

On 05/10/2018 06:21 PM, J wrote:

Dear Sirs

My account email is email@email.co.uk

My phone has been hacked, and as a result it’s not let me use the required 2FA to access my account.

Please reply to both emails, both this one and the one above.

Kind regards

J

08th May 2018 - Evidence – Security Camera Stolen

On Tuesday the 8^th of May I found the code for my security camera.

By Wednesday the 9^th of May the camera was now stolen

07th May 2018 – Journal

I awoke to realising I felt super sick. I was trying not to vomit, and knew I didn’t want to swallow a pain killers as this would certainly result in me being sick.

I was already heaving.

Clearly one of my mother’s colleagues has purchased (or more likely is a council tenant) a house which is very near mine. This was the same house I heard my brother, mother, niece and aunty at the other day.

My head was killing me. I had a really bad sinus pressure headache. As I sat there feeling a bit sorry for myself (naturally talking to myself), I heard a sarcastic ‘BOO HOO HOO’.

I was clearly being listened to.

So I then said how I had pneumonia and told my mother and she didn’t even bother to come and see me... and that’s how I ended up letting dick head moving back in and being raped!

She didn’t have anything to say to that.

I wish I knew what I’m doing wrong.

I stupidly let my Ritalin wear off this afternoon and felt like I was going to die when I had a chronic anxiety attack.

Thankfully taking my Ritalin stopped this.

I said, knowing I was being listened to, if it wasn’t for self medicating with substances which caused a dopamine re-uptake would mean I would have killed my self long ago. Illegal substances would switch the kettle off in my head which made me feel like this. And then I would get a couple of days of peace before the kettle finally boiled and I NEEDED to use again.

Thankfully now, I CHOOSE to use.

Before Ritalin I HAD to use.

I said yet again, their congruency would result in myself paying for 6 - 12 months of rehab and doing it properly.

I told them, if they stop abusing me, I’ll stop using....

I was still stalked.

There was still abuse.

I don’t know what I can do to make this stop.

When I went through opiate withdrawal... they abused me.

After rehab.. they abused me.

Yes I lost my job through stupidity when I relapsed. But I got another job. They still abused me and have ensured they’ve messed that up.

My alarms not going off, and me being late... just makes my colleagues hate me even more.

All I have ever wanted is to be liked and to make them happy.

No matter what I do on earth, the abuse will never stop. They care more about trying to preserve the fabricated ideology that they are ‘caring’ parents than they do about me, or my sobriety.

They could stop. They could make a slight attempt to redeem themselves. They’ll never stop.

They’ve destroyed my career. When you’ve taken from society (drugs counselling, detox, rehab) a person like me wants to give back. My job is helping disadvantaged people secure work. And I’m good at it. But my frequent lateness, means I will not get a reference anymore. No one at my company likes me due to the lies they have told to the press.

I’m aware a major referral link to my blog is a news website. Of course, my hacked phone couldn’t access it. And now my tweets about it and the link have vanished.

I found the code for my camera... and my security camera vanished the next day.

I don’t know why they hate me so much. I don’t know why they won’t stop and let me be happy. I don’t know what I can do to make it stop.

The lovely girl who joined the project I worked on, and initially wanted to be my friend... no longer talks to me and doesn’t reply to my messages.

If they really fucking cared, why would they destroy a chance of me having a sober friend I could do normal things with?

I have decided... as I’m aware I will be late for work or miss work the whole month.. after payday I’m not returning.

As my career is destroyed.. so I won’t get a decent job again, and my house sale is bullshit, I’m gonna take the biggest loan I can get. Rent my house. Vanished. And spend the whole loan on drugs and my suicide.

I’m going for the exit bag with helium... as I’m pretty sure any attempts to overdose peacefully or purchase sedatives, will be unsuccessful. Still, I can buy £200 of street heroin and bang it up.

I’ll take Orion with me. He’s 10, he’s skinny and sickly. I swear this house is making him ill, like it did Tsega and me. He vomits has diarrhoea, and cries all the time for attention. No one will love him like I do.

My bunnies, are young.. and due to the fact they’re neutered and vaccinated, and have so many accessories, will be easily adopted.

It kills me I can’t be their forever home. I love them so much. But as there are three of them, they’ll be fine. The crazy lady who spoiled them as babies will easily be forgotten.

I’m so sad I have to die to stop the abuse.

I’m so sad my own mummy and daddy care more about their reputation than the life of their child.

But until I die, the abuse will continue. Nothing I can do will make them happy. Nothing I can do will stop them abusing me.

It’s so sad.

But I’ll have a decent afterlife... as I’ve never intentionally hurt anyone.

I know the truth will come out. And my suicide will only ensure this happens sooner. They’ve made this big. They’ve made me famous.

My cousin was a much worse druggy than me. For a good 10 years. Leaving his pins all over his room. Going out for a family meal, spending ages in the toilet and returning with blood stains on his shirt.

I’d never do that to my family.

I just needed their support.

Instead they destroyed me.

And while I’m alive I’ll never know why.

God, if I’m meant to live, give me a sign.

Jay, the Famous Junkie.