14th May 2018 – Journal

Alarms didn’t go off

Work PC.

iCloud password changed

Well today IT was trying to fix my computer from 10am until 3.30pm.

I used another computer with AGV to change my passwords again.

I’ve been locked out of my new iCloud account.

They can’t leave me alone can they?

B**** was really cold towards me. Anytime I tried to start a conversation, she quickly would turn to D** and start another one on a different topic.

I still can’t get the stuff I need to sell my house, but my dad magically can. I’ll never escape.

My animals will have to go to a charity and I’ll have to go into witness protection.

I can stand all the hatred people have for me. Especially when it’s not even true. Was speaking to D**** about it. And seeing as ‘It’s all in my head’ he seemed to have a good understanding of something that’s in my head and never been explained to him. He said did I really want to bring up old skeletons. I said any skeleton had been brought up and exaggerated x a million. I had no problem with people knowing the truth about me. Because they don’t have an actual clue about the truth.

 And M*. He’s Muslim though and it seems to be Muslim people who are showing the most hatred.

I said to M* if the bullshit was true, how do I work every day. How do I pay my mortgage. How do I care for 4 pets. He knew what I was talking about. He also knew it was wrong. Whatever is being said about me.

Realised they might not have deleted whole posts, but they’ve deleted information out of the posts on my blog.

I’m gutted.

I don’t think I’m going to live.

I’m going to get the truth told and kill myself. After doing some damage back to them.

I am already dead.

I’m just a body with nothing inside.

I won’t go to jail. I’ll be dead. Even if they catch me first, coz they were intent on getting me sectioned, I’ll play the nut job game and cheek my meds until I can overdose.

If I get respite and get to move, I’d like to detox again. If I get the truth told I’ll happily do rehab properly this time.

But it’s not about the drugs. It’s a game of hiding the sickening abuse I’ve suffered now because of them. My family.  When I stupidly went to them, when I needed help.