❤️ I’m Seriously Ill

Well Monday i had two voicemails from Dr. A***** G******. When it was well known I was banging up daily, he was the only GP who was allowed to see me.

Now it’s either him or Dr C**** another senior GP.

I saw Dr C**** a couple of weeks ago. I explained my itching, the fact the judgmental doctors at St. George’s where going to do a blood test, then saw IVDU come up on my record and that changed to me having to visit the GP. I told him the receptionist only gave me an appointment after discovering I worked and owned my own house. And when I finally got to see a GP I was just given strong antihistamines, which helped a little. 

Dr. C**** has been the first non-judgemental doctor I’ve seen in the past 3 years. Arranged for a blood test and gave me scabies cream. Apparently enough for 2 applications, but only being little, I’ve got enough for 4. So I’ve got 2 left for when/it the itching creepy crawly feeling starts again. I explained to him. My drug use was initially blamed for this. No one has taken me seriously, and all I haven received before was a higher dose of buprenorphine or antipsychotics, just to knock the ‘crazy girl’ out. 

I also told him I believed my use hide my conditions, as the cleaner I got, the MORE the symptoms where present. He finally got a blood test arranged for me.

I arrived home. Applied the scream and the itching stopped!!

I had to email the GP

THANK YOU DOCTOR CHANA!!!!

Dear Sirs

Please forward to Dr. Chana. The cream he prescribed has worked and for the first time, in a long time, I am not itching like a loon!

Even my hair has stopped, the creepy crawly feeling too!

I’m hoping keeping the heating on high, will reduce whatever it is in this damn house driving me mad!

Every single other doctor has said the same thing... it’s my drug use.

But, as I’ve used for over 20 years I’m very familiar with the effects / Withdrawal of drugs.

God bless him so much, for being non judgmental, believing me and prescribing me something that’s brought so much relief.

Please pass my comments to his manager. He is an excellent doctor.

I might have drug abuse problems, but I still work, pay my taxes and contribute to society. It’s incredibly disheartening to have any problem blamed on the activities I chose to do when I’m not working.

I’m pretty sure, I will not be symptom free until I leave this house.. But for the past 3 years he’s the first doctor to actually listen to me, believe me and prescribe something that actually helps my problem (opposed to giving me a stupidly high dose of buprenorphine or having me drugged up on antipsychotics).

Please confirm he’s received my letter of thanks.

The frustration of people not believing me, including my own family, I’m not going to lie, was pushing me towards doing something stupid/being sectioned

Thank you so much. If the problem persists I hope he will continue to work with me and endeavour to get to the bottom of this long standing condition

(P.s. - you can tell him the nurse at St. Helier was, as predicted, judgemental. Initially insisting on trying to use the two veins in the crook of my arm before giving up and using the one I asked her to use!)

Kind regard

Jay

During our second appointments he prescribed my Ritalin script early and checked my bloods and said, apart from having a raised CRP (C-reactive protein, the test which can determine if your body is fighting infection). He told me mine was 55. It should be between 1-5. He said it all looked fine though, but he would need to refer to previous test.

Then I spoke to J*** at MDART and he confirmed that whilst I’ve been in this house, I’ve always had an raised CRP, with scores of 55, 68 and 163.

So after hearing Dr.A*****’s voicemails I began to phone for an appointment. I couldn’t attend any of the early / day ones due to work. On the Monday morning after getting my Ritalin script I needed to in. The tube was also severely delayed. Even though I called and emailed to explain I was stuck waiting on the tube, on Friday the two managers reprimanded me for being late. Even though both of them had arrived later than 10am (my arrival time on Monday), they’re seriously gripping onto every excuse possible to get rid of me due my 6 month probation.

Bearing this in mind, and needing to utilise this for MDART, I explained I couldn’t take an 8.30am appointment.

The receptionist begged me to take an 8.30am one, even saying they could write me a letter.

I will phone them this morning and see if there’ any cancelled appointments. Even though it says URGENT NOT OVER THE PHONE. They may allow this due to my inability to get time off.

I have also explained I’m seeing Dr. P on Thursday, so I could possibly attend before that, and if not could they liaise with Dr. P so she could break the bad news on their behalf.

As I stand to lose everything if I sell my house (bar mental, hard plastic and glass.... if I do have something life threatening or terminal, I will refuse treatment.

I have nothing to live for.

My own FAMILY started this crazy stalking campaign, most of my possessions are fucked. I’ve only got little Orion who’s clearly affected by whatever i have in my house. He’d be better of without me.

Gonna call again now. Update soon

A very worried J

❤️ Hey H**** - My Friend

Just got the notification you’re following me! 

Special post just to say hi to you.

Mwah x 💋 

❤️ Nothing Blog Related - Curious - Race War America

Ok, I’ve always thought America was a little behind with race equality.

I remember back in the 90’s.... when I first started dating black guys (I’ve only ever been with black African, black Caribbean or mixed race white and one of the above.

And I always noticed on Ricky Lake it was RARE to see a mixed race couple. And I fancied Will Smith in the Fresh Prince like mad, and I think of the hundred of episodes I watched... only one included him flirting with a white lady. 

If you watched the show, you know, Will pulled a different girl in practically every episode.

Even mordern black American sitcoms, like My Wife and Kids, rarely have regular white characters who are perceived as positive cast members.

Which is weird to me as in the 90’s I started part time work in McDonald’s which was filled with young white girls who paired up with the numerous white guys.

Bar visiting a Nigerian restaurant in the late 90’s and me, being the only white person, we hear just a couple of racists comments to me and my boyfriend. I also noticed black women would refuse to let me pull out in the road when I was driving with him.

I did notice the police where slightly racist when we drove together. I was never pulled over driving alone. And the reasons for doing so where fabricated or petty.

But I’m watching a documentary on W, and it’s a white power one. And it showed a Black lives / black lives matter protest.

A white woman with a mixed race (black/white) child tried to joined but, received racist abuse and was told she couldn’t join.

I believe blacks are treated unfairly in America. I’d want to support black lives matter... would I be refused although I agree with its ethos?

 #itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked

❤️ Salut, Tere, привіт, Witajcie, Hallo, Hei, Olá, Bonjour, hola, ahoj, привет, xin

Romanian 🇷🇴 - Salut prietenii mei vă rugăm să citiți și să distribuiți blogul meu. Sunt o persoană bună. Nu crede minciunile pe care le-ai auzit. Dumnezeu să ajute 

Ukrainian 🇺🇦 - привіт мої друзі, будь ласка, прочитайте та поділіться своїм блогом. Я хороша людина. Не вірте тієї брехні, яку ти чув. Бог благословить

Polish 🇲🇨 - Witajcie, moi przyjaciele, przeczytajcie i udostępnijcie mojego bloga. Jestem dobrą osobą. Nie wierz w kłamstwa, które usłyszałeś. Boże błogosław

German 🇩🇪 - Hallo meine Freunde, bitte lese und teile meinen Blog. Ich bin ein guter Mensch. Glaube nicht den Lügen, die du gehört hast. Gott segne

French 🇫🇷 - Bonjour mes amis s'il vous plaît lire et partager mon blog. Je suis une bonne personne. Ne crois pas aux mensonges que tu as entendus. Dieu vous protège

Czech 🇨🇿 - ahoj moji přátelé, prosím, přečtěte si a sdílejte svůj blog. Jsem dobrý člověk. Nevěřte lžím, která jste slyšeli. Bůh žehnej

Estonian 🇪🇪 - Tere, mu sõbrad, lugeda ja jagada oma blogi. Ma olen hea inimene. Ärge uskuge valetest, mida olete kuulnud. Jumal õnnistagu

Portuguese & Brazilian 🇵🇹 🇧🇷 - Olá, meus amigos, leia e compartilhe meu blog. Eu sou uma boa pessoa. Não acredite nas mentiras que você ouviu. Deus abençoe

Russian 🇷🇺 - привет мои друзья, пожалуйста, прочитайте и разделите мой блог. Я хороший человек. Не верьте ложью, которую вы слышали. Бог благословил

Swedish  - hej min läs och dela min blogg. Jag är en bra människa. Tro inte på de lögner du har hört. Gud välsigna. 

Finnish - Hei, ystäväni, lue ja jaa. Olen hyvä ihminen. Älä usko valheisiin, joita olet kuullut. Jumalan siunausta

Vietnamese - xin chào bạn bè của tôi xin vui lòng đọc và chia sẻ blog của tôi. Tôi là một người tốt. Đừng tin vào lời nói dối mà bạn đã nghe. Chúa phù hộ

Columbian & Venezuelan - hola mis amigos por favor lean y compartan mi blog. Soy una buena persona. No creas las mentiras que has escuchado. Dios bendiga

Dutch & Belgians - hallo mijn vrienden lees en deel mijn blog. Ik ben een goed persoon. Geloof de leugens die je hebt gehoord niet. God zegene

❤️ I’m Under Investigation For Hate Crime Against Kate

I’ve had a message from ‘Detective Sergeant P*****from S***** Police CID, the message said we’ve ‘reported’ meaning someone had gone into the police, this suddenly changed to ‘ummm our cyber security team have intercepted hate crime against Kate B.

Clearly they haven’t actually found this themselves, someone who shall remain nameless has gone to the police station and screen shotted the nasty bits I’ve said, missing out all the reasons why I said the nasty bits.

So, I’ve now reported her theft from me, informed the police I had blocked her from my mobile, WhatsApp, Facebook and finally managed to block her from my blog. Then the comments came anonymously.

So, all of a sudden, when someone who can remain nameless  can’t abuse me anymore, she’s gone running to the police.

Well, two of your officers, Detective Sergeant P**** will be here tomorrow, ref CAD 0000 - 00.

I hope you are now watching my blog.

On the post on the 9th November - They’ve Stolen My Medication I leave a note at the bottom saying ignore comments from this person. Stupidly I didn’t screen shot her initial abuse. 

I then wrote a post saying someone - The Girl Who Keeps Commenting and explained that she stole from me, so I blocked her from contacting me. I later added she has the cheek to call me a Junkie, yet steals from the pound shop and lost her kids to drugs. This isn’t a hate crime. This isn’t discrimination. This is not deformation. This isn’t fabricated. This is the truth. How can writing the truth be a hate crime?

The definition of hate crime is

hate crime

noun

noun: hate crime; plural noun: hate crimes

1. a crime motivated by racial, sexual, or other prejudice, typically one involving violence."legislation to stiffen penalties for persons convicted of hate crimes"
   
   
   
   

I fail to see how I meet any of that criteria. We are both white. I know she’s jealous I got it on with R*** and wouldn’t touch her with a barge pole, but my post certainly isn’t sexist. I’m not showing prejudice, yes I call her a junkie, I met her in fucking detox, but what’s the web address of this flipping blog!!!

However, unlike someone who shall remain nameless , I work, I own my house, I can get a contract phone, I don’t steal, my home isn’t used as a crack den, I didn’t lose my kids coz my drugs test, showed positive for opiates. 

And although she still has a large addiction to opiates  and crack she’s trying to have another baby, which will only be taken into care.

I would not even contemplate the idea of reproducing, until I had several years sobriety under my belt.

But regardless, I love sticking needles in my arms, in MY spare time, with the money I have WORKED HARD for. So yeah, I’m a junkie too. Just a completely different level than what nameless person is.

I have not threatened nameless person with violence. She’s threatened me violence, saying she’s gonna turn up here at my house with her partner.

Naturally I wanted to write the first post to explain to my readers why I was getting abuse from her. I added things like stealing from the Pound Shop and her kids being taken (all true) as the abuse kept coming.

Thankfully, I marked ‘most’ of her comments as spam, meaning I still have them. So far, between me a N, we have over 40 screen shots of abuse. I replied to not one message. They were either deleted or marked as spam. 

The second post - Nameless Person & Her Crack Head Friend was a plea for her to leave me alone. I bet she didn’t show the police that. It contained all the abuse she had sent me.

I’ve been told not to post her abuse, but it’s likely to be game over for me tomorrow, so I might just do that.

❤️ Drug Problems World Wide - Countries & Stereotypes

Naturally as documentary lover, I’m naturally drawn to  any thing on drug use around the world. Seeing as I have so many worldwide readers, I’d love to know whether the stereotypes are indeed factual or indeed a misrepresentation of reality.

So...

USA - There’s two biggies in USA. Stimulants, starting with innocent Ritalin it Aderall, peaking with crystal meth. From the documentaries I’ve watched, there seems to be two types of meth, one superior (I cannot remember), which is more clear and glassy, one less superior. Perhaps it’s pink... please correct me if I’m wrong. More a problem in the states in the middle of the country.

The other is opiates. Quite frankly I’m disgusted at the doctors willingness to prescribe opiate medication. The pharmaceuticals blatantly lied with regards to their addictive nature. It’s rare to get opiates here, bar my buprenorphine, I’ve only had pain opiate medication prescribed once in my life, tramadol and a short dose to. Naturally, when ones tolerance grows, turning to a substance far cheaper and stronger (heroin) isn’t unusual. Opiate problems seems to be nationwide. 

❤️ I’m Back!! Don’t Mix DXM And Opiates!

Okey dokey I haven’t posted for a while... so here we go... let me fill you in (if you’re reading this comment, then I’ve just saved it temporarily as I need to go back and remember what I last spoke about!)

Boy! I’ve been gone for ages! Where do I start..

Well I managed to get some street benzos to see me through. I did have one day without any and as expected, suffered terribly with rebound insomnia. This wasn’t helped by my choice of OTC sleeping aids.

When I withdrew off opiates last August, I discovered DXM cough medicine. (Please on your unhacked phones google search the correct medical name. Part of the reason I haven’t posted is, my phone is working so poorly, so typing is incredibly difficult.. so I can’t be bothered to do this myself right now..). 

DXM is actually a relative to the drug ketamine. Ketamine and DXM aren’t opioids, but bind to the opioid receptors. 

So when you haven’t slept for 2 days because you’ve been kicking, gulping down half a bottle of Robussin’s means your withdrawals stop. Well in my case they did, mainly because I dropped down to 0.1mg buprenorphine and switched to codeine and tapered that down too. If you had a bigger tolerance, you’d need ketamine.

So, during withdrawal, this removes the symptoms which cause insomnia and also makes you a little drowsy too. So, ta-da, a good night’s sleep will follow. 

So I’m aware it binds to my opiate receptors, but even though I thoroughly research any substance I consume, I had no idea that DXM.... Yes over the counter DXM.... not ketamine.... would bind so well it would kick the buprenorphine off my receptors and throw me into withdrawal.

Well it did! But it was also the most surreal 18 hours of my life. I’ve never taken a whole bottle in a go, but as I couldn’t sleep. So at 11pm I drunk around half the bottle. Come 12.30am I drunk another 1/4, leaving 1/4 left. And maybe 1am I took the last 1/4.

My friend noticed my restlessness. My legs kept moving, my hands would clench and relsease my duvet.

I was aware I was tossing and turning, but I wasn’t hurting. 

Although I had the prerequisite to move, the accompanying dull relentless ache in my calves and thighs was absent. 

This is one of my most disliked opiate withdrawal symptoms. It prevents me from sleeping. In the past I have stood up, enabling my muscles to stretch, whilst my head, verging on unconsciousness flopped onto my bed. 

I would drift from the most surreal dreams to reality.

‘Why did you get your post sent to B****’s whilst you were in prison?’ I asked my friend.

B**** was his brother’s partner. He didn’t know her when he went prison. He stared at me blankly and asked what the hell I was talking about.

I had the most horrendous diarrhoea, which confirmed

I was in withdrawal. Being constipated, is a side effect of opiate use. As I’m on 14mg of buprenorphine, I ain’t getting diarrhoea, even if I consume a whole chicken raw. 

Come 10am I woke up and decided to take my Ritalin.

I take it the most productive way I can, giving my tolerance. Think bioavailabilities. In order to do this I need a plastic medicinal syringe. NO NEEDLE. Just the plastic syringe.

I took some, placed the plastic syringe back in my bra cup, a favourite storing place, but crashed back to sleep.

I awoke around 2pm. It had gone. I couldn’t find it.

I was also aware some of my medication had gone missing. This meant I needed to use it the most effective way possible. Taking it sublingual, would mean 30%-50% of my precious methylphenidate only. My way, ensured 80%-90%. Bar banging up, I couldn’t use it a more efficient way.

So I sent N** shopping with strict instructions to get a replacement. We didn’t need an exchange. A pharmacy would do. A medicinal syringe was ok. Only he forgot.

Upon coming home I made it clear I would not be sharing my subbies without this tool. Taking 14mg sublingual means you get around 7mg of buprenorphine. Taking it my way, means I can take 8mg of buprenorphine and ensure I am still getting 7mgs.

This means when I get my TTO for the pharmacy, I am able to ensure he gets enough medication, so he’s not sick. 

The realisation of having to go to Fat Man after work and purchase subbies, hit him. So back he went to the shops to get. 

Only they didn’t have in Sutton, so he went Tooting. And they had sold out in Tooting, so he went Westberry’s in Streatham. Returning 2 long hours later.

Thankful I could take my meds and feel them, I took some Ritalin and awoke from my semi conscious state.

I began sorting the washing... when I felt the jumper I was wearing on Friday. It had something in the pocket.

Out came and plastic syringe I believed I had lost.

Realisation that the memory I had of taking my medication was clearly some hallucination.

So there you go. Fucking don’t touch DXM if you’re on opiates. 

It’s great for withdrawal, once you’ve jumped. But this shit is fucking strong.

A simple google search will tell you buprenorphine binds tightly to those opiate receptors. Well DXM is stronger and will boot it off.

This could be an amazing tool for withdrawal. Now I’m unsupervised I shall trying to see if it enables me to reduce easier.

That night, although I did not sleep, was not painful. It was weird. The first time I could see the relationship between ketamine and DXM. It was a weird night, filled with incredibly real type dreams.

#Itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked

❤️ They Stole My Money

Well, as I’ve been told by Dr. P I cannot stop taking benzos, and if I run out I need to go straight to A&E as I’m a high risk for seizures and death.

Well I have enough for just tonight.

Finally got on Dream Market on my throw away phone and managed to order some.

The order went through and then some cancelled by customer message came up.

Then my bitcoins changed from £82 to £1. 

They’ve stolen my money.

They know I won’t be able to work unless I take benzos.

I wanted to buy benzos and Zopiclone. I’ve reduced down from 120mg of diazepam to 20-30mgs. I wanted the Zopiclone so I could reduce more.

I know one person who I may be able to get some temazepam off..... if I’m lucky.

However, if not, after tonight, I’m a high risk of seizures and death. 

They know that and stole my money and stoped my transaction.

I’m crying my eyes out. I will lose my job now. Why would they do that??

Tomorrow I’ll get £100 worth of brown and hit it up in one shot.

I’m done with this. 

As long as they carry on with this shit, I will NEVER stop taking drugs.

They know this, but their lie is more important than my life.

But I’m done with this. Why would they stop me taking a tablet which means I can go to work?

I’m not going through benzo Withdrawal. I experienced mild withdrawal when they forgot to script me for 5mg in detox.

Withdrawal from 30mg could equal death. 

If I can’t order tonight I’m buying £100 of b and sticking it in one pin.

Job done.

They want me to lose my job. They want me dead. I’m fed up with life.

N knows all my diaries need to be sent to the Daily Mail along with this blog.

If you don’t hear from me by the end of the week, it’s over. 

Look out for an article in the Daily Mail about the junkie who was abused by her sick family and committed suicide. That’ll be me.

 

Gonna update this as much as possible in next 24 hours.

Only their congruency can save me now.

Fuck you world.

Over and out 

Jay 

 #itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked

 

❤️ THEY’VE STOLLEN MY MEDICATION

By the way, my drug psychiatrist knows that I am using additional Buprenorphine on of what I am prescribed. My doctors know this and will up my dose accordingly. I will now have to buy heroin on my lunch break as I can’t get hold of my friend who gets me extra Subbie

IT’S NOT ABOUT MY DRUG USE THEY WANT ME TO KILL MYSELF

My Ritalin has been taken too.  I have About 20 tablets missing. Before methylphenidate i was a crack heard. Before Buprenorphine a smack head.

They’ve taken the medication which stops me craving drugs 

#itsnotaboutthedrugs

@Gemma_Stalked

Ignore comments from Kate - She’s a theif, there’s a whole post dedicated to her. 

❤️ Oh My God

Okay so I had my phone fixed yesterday and new screen new LED.

I also noticed yesterday that I had no more whispering out of my mobile phone and again today when I went to the toilet of work it was silent.

The whispering makes me really anxious and really sets me off and freaks me out.

So this was lovely. Howver, about an hour ago I realise my mobile phone had gone missing.

It wasn’t responding to hey Siri. I checked the front room twice because I moved items in the front room around twice.

So I started securing the back door and the bedroom doors, which took quite a while.

When I return back down the old iPhone 5 which I have been trying to set up has vanished and my iPhone has suddenly returned its place.

Clearly my phone had been taken and returned.

I know the whispering destroys me.

I was really tired earlier and stupidly found a needle in the box with a what I believed to be cocaine and blood.

Like a dick I stupidly banged it up.

Although there was clearly ‘some’ cocaine in this pin, I could taste it on the back of my throat, this shit knocks me out.

I have no doubt they have drugged me, with what I can only assume is a date rape drug GBH. 

My ‘loving’ family have done this so they were able to steal my phone, hack it and then return it now so they can stalk me / track me / invade my privacy.

Clearly having my screen replaced removed whatever they have put in my phone.

I am going to take it back to the repair shop tomorrow.

Get a new screen placement even know I don’t need it changing. My phone unlock passcode and iCloud password needs to be changed. In future my iPhone will not leave my side.

I hate them, why they trying to destroy me?

(Written whilst under the influence of the date rape drug GHB, which my family tricked me into taking so they could hack my phone and put springboard on it... real loving family ehh??)

#itsnotaboutthedrugs

@Gemma_Stalked