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❤️ Unknown Note

Why

I need you

I’m so sad and hopeless

Disappear?

Die?

Which one.

❤️ Lyrics - Black Widow

This twisted cat and mouse game

Always starts the same

You hurt me, so I use,

It’s a mandala of pain 

You fucked with my head

And messed with my brain 

They even sectioned me

Coz I sounded insane

Now I hate you so much it really hurts 

Never fathomed you’d treat me dirt 

Now I look at you, and I feel so damn much shame 

Everything fucked and you’ll get the blame

❤️ Office Pranks 101

Here’s another gem.

Wait until your colleague leaves their PC unlocked.

Create a folder on their desk top called Porn. Extra points for a fetish and then the word porn.

Hit screen print.

Paste into Word.

Save the picture. Remove the actual folder on the desktop.

Then go to settings and change the wallpaper to the newly saved picture.

Enjoy when colleague spends ages on the phone to IT, unable to remove the folder saying porn.

❤️ 10th July 2008 - Boyfriend Dramas

Tired of crying 

Weekend alone

Ignored for days 

Let down

Inconsiderate 

Tried kids, S*****, family

(Hating me, over powering, friends)

This is my last diary entry. We split up from July... had a night of passion in October / November). I forgot to take my pill. I ended up pregnant. R**, still being deceitful over our relationship with his baby mother was adamant he didn’t want to keep our child. I was temping so no maternity pay. I doubt I’ll ever carry a child again. I would have a 9 year old child now, and no doubt a very different life.

❤️ 01st June 2015 - Journal

Wow oh wow!

I just found a pot of gold!!

A pack of Blue Stuff!

My favourite legal high which is now illegal to sell. I'm not publishing this blog until a good week has passed.

Wouldn't want to get psychosis and when your mum and dad are stalking you blogging / making thIs fact knowledgeable will only result in you suffering at their evil hands.

There's only a little 1/2 gramme say. I'm sharing so 1/4 a gramme of gorgeous blue crystals with my friend.

And even though from April 14th - 30th I was probably using less due to psychosis hounding me (my parents, the Junkettes), and my gear being contaminated, unlike then, there's no whipsering (courtesy of the little white speaker they tend to shove under my floor boards in an attempt to have their single daughter living alone think she's mad. I didn't . I do freak over the security of my home though so thanks for the paranoia).

Not seeing my baldy Fat Cunt sibling in a wig. Accompanied by B***** his girlfriends little sister (who has dip dyed hair, take note nice but Dim). How the fuck did he get a freedom pass, and why? Please feel free to top up my Oyster.

No flashes from phone cameras.

No removing items from my bag.

No disappearing keys (I hope you've got my Mercedes Kompressor Key)

No 'shhhh', 'mum', 'sigh' *yawn*

Back like before they discovered I was banging up. Just me, speed and a beautiful sense of calm in my head.

Yes in the absence of Ritalin aka methylphenidate, ethylphenidate works rather well when used sensibly.

Sensibly 1/4 to 1/2 a day intravenously. Still excessive but I'm not chewing my face off with Bambi deer eyes (massive pupils).

❤️ 01st June 2015 - Journal

There's no point trying to keep a written diary. My only record of the horrendous actions done to me appears to be missing

Not happy with the iPad they took the pad!

Today me and my friend discovered the legal high shop is giving away old stock they can't sell. Bought some sleepers and got some ethylphenidate.

Slept at N**’s. Got Fat Cunt psychosis (where my brother hacks my mobile phone, and the speaker. So he can read what I am writing on my screen and read it out as I write it)

#iwillbefamous #thetruth #Itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked

❤️ 13th June 2015 - You Lied Again

'You don't get another chance

Life is no Nintendo game

But you lied again

Now you get to watch her leave out the window

Guess that's why they call it window pane'

I'm broken

Article pulled from net so I cannot be compensated for loss of earnings. My parents, only assisted by my friend taking the photo, only sold an article to the most read tabloid newspaper of me smoking crack cocaine. A red top too, how crass. I would have chosen the Daily Mail at least.

This is why I am famous. Upon hearing a fake phone call telling the truth about my

ADHD, someone took pity on me, on a bus and told me it was 'The Sun'

No wonder when I called them and told them of a person working for the old Bill, breaking the law, replied 'go to hospital' what the fuck!? I'm telling you a Metropolitan Police employee has committed a variety of crimes and you reply go hospital!

Needless to say it all fell into place.

They've ruined my whole life and it only made me use more.

Now I've begged for the help I need. Not the nut house.

Rehab and detox.

They tormented me all night knowing it only increases my using.

The lie is too big to hide forever. It breaks me that they continue to torment me when I've begged knowing I can't do it alone.

Their lie and making me believe I'm crazy is more important than me getting well 

And I really want it coz I'll get my meds back

I want it for ME, not them. They just made me use more.

The lie is too big, and their denial as I obtain more info breaks me.

I asked they they book rehab and detox, say nothing, just leave me the dates written down.

I've begged the drugs team and my appointment for funding turned out to be. With a psychiatrist to see if I'm crazy.

They want me locked in the nut house wen I'm sane. They won't give me the help I need and want.

Most parents try rehab first

I cannot live a lie and if unable to clear my name I'm leaving UK. They've destroyed so much and place obstacles in my attempts at fixing things.

Even when I stopped using for a week. Handed works and gear.. I was still tormented

I cannot win. 

I cannot live a lie. As always stupidly optimistic they'll. be parents and help.

But it ain't happened yet

Viva la espania?

❤️ 29th June 2015 - Journal

17 days no pins. Even ensured a clean piss test in an attempt to get my Ritalin back last week when I saw my psychiatric nurse at MDART

I've smoked some crack but remain drug free after Friday so I would be clean on Tuesday. This seriously removes the ability to sustain an addiction.

Only Buprenorphine (weaker tablet form of methadone) and cannabis.

I've had one diazepam from my mate, but stick to cannabis and the odd zopiclone my parents let me have.

I'm going to insist on a urine test each week I go MDART and will ensure its clean. This stops me using every day or every other. I'll cut down to twice a week. So practically halve my using.

Good news!! I have my first meeting with the social worker who is trying to secure funding so I can go rehab! Friday. I doubt I'll see a rehab for at least a month, but I've got a light in my tunnel.

At last!

J**

❤️ 07th July 2015 - Do You Have Old Copies of The Sun

 I’m after hoarders who may have old copies of The Sun

The article of me smoking crack cocaine has been removed so I am unable to see it.

I have a feeling it may have been a web article.

However I've noticed my father's absence in purchasing his favourite newspaper, including last Sunday's.

I will pay £500 for anyone who can send me the original article, and £100 for the updates which no doubt are present.

My internet is tracked and censored to prevent me seeing this.

Anyone with these please post a message and I'll follow up.

Oh, and here's a pic of me smoking crack.

Bless

J