❤️ 10th July 2017 - iPhone Hacked - Letter To My Abusers

Ok, fine I’ll get sick and score heroin then. Sorted 

*upon making me unable to get buprenorphine!

❤️ 21st January 2015 - iPhone Hacked - Letter To My Abusers

Still hope it woulda been you. 😓

Love you. Sorry I'm fucked up in the head

Sorry I have ADHD. 

My brain is wired back to front. 

Stimulants make me slow. Slower tablets can make me high

Sorry I'm normal. 

Least you got one!😀

And one super smart one!.... That's me by the way.

Please hug me. 

I wanna sort things out. 

Neither of you are very good liars. 

The Sun broke me..... 

Although I wanted to be famous! 

At least I still have humour hur? 

I want to love you again. 

I cannot tolerate dad coz he was the meanest.

Leaving me homeless and frozen.

Peeking through the windows and ignoring me. 

And in the park when you had dad jeans and Fat Cunt blue top and some crappy dog. 

I cried for you daddy. 

You’re supposed to be the only man  doesn't make me cry.

This could have been over a long time ago with your support, right help and treatment. 

Locked in Springfield I was left to rot. 

On outsideI had two psychiatric nurses and the counsellor and the social worker. 

Inside the place that I had no one. 

❤️ 04th April 2008 - Boyfriend Dramas

Next weekend, same story as last. However it’s 6.30am when he finally turns up, cousin in tow. Again I wake up every hour to check my phone.

When he finally picks up his phone, around 4am, he tells me he’s in a snooker hall. All I can hear is girls in the background.

I tell him to sleep in the front room with J***, but he climbs in squishes up as I deliberately lay in the centre of the bed taking up bear room.

❤️ Unknown Note

If you’re gonna make my life a misery, at least have the decency to read the truth.

Www.Thefamousjunkie.Blogspot.Com 

My family torment me all the time.

I try to stay sober but they don’t sto

I work and own my own house

Surely, what I chose to spend MY HARD EARNED MONEY ON IS MY FREE CHOICE 

❤️ January 2018 - Suicide Note

Dear Whoever is unfortunate enough to find me

I apologise for the disgusting mess I have left my house in. 

It’s disgusts me as I have severe ADHD which encompasses OCD.

Anyway I no longer am suffering from the debilitating effects of my disability, and I’m sure, for the first time in my life.

There’s not many people who will care that I’m gone, but the 1-2 who do, please tell them to be happy for me.

Whilst, from an outside view, it may appear I’m just hyper, fidgety and impulsive, on the inside I’m filled with unnecessary guilt, self loathing, disgust, criticism and the most debilitating anxiety.

Anxiety so bad I feel physical pain. 

Upon discovery that everyone naively believed would love and support me are actively involved in my destruction, I have reached all I can take.

I am a nice person. I don’t deserve to have whom I called my family and friends undertaker actions to actively destroy me.

Orion - I’ve arranged for the RSPCA to have a donation out of my estate in order to rehome Orion,

N - is an animal abuser and a thief. Stole my iPhone 7 and my rabbit. If she’s alive rehome her.

I have NO family.

Those related to me are people who organised and authorised the abuse which has driven me to suicide.

Belonging to R*** from Longreach.

Please pass my blog to the media and police.

P.S - do not refer to me as my birth name 

❤️ May - June 2017 - Journal

My ADHD meds have been getting less and less effective for the past 8 weeks.

Apart from waking me up and lack of appetite it no longer feels like it works at all.

My head is chaotic, cluttered, scrambled, disorganised, noisy.

I’m chronically distracted and zoned out.

It literally hurts to think.

Since I was 17 I’ve used drugs 2-7 times a week because of this.

You should be grateful for drugs.

Without them I would have killed myself years ago.

I can’t cope with my head.

Please let me reach my next ADHD appointment.

I even forget how to spell.

❤️ August 2010

Sometimes I fell my only friends are Tsega, Orion and white and brown. My mother prefers Nice But Dim’s company and if we’re both there she’ll dismiss me in favour of her. When my brother gets her pregnant I know the good times are over. 

No more cats over. No more weekend there. They’ll want the baby and not us. I will no be required for entertainment when a baby arrives.

(this is so incredibly true. May 2017, when I lived at theirs the police arrived concerned over my suicidal Facebook messages. The one time words where not needed. Just a hug and silence. My mother snapped ‘next time come to me!’ And slammed the door. Not that I’d ever want my mother to chose me over P. But a hug. 5-10 seconds. I am truly hated by my own mother, for reasons that confuse me. I’ve never done ANYTHING to intentionally hurt them. And never would. Whilst my brother nursed hangovers, I spent my lunch break collecting her from her chemotherapy at the hospital. We may not be close. But prior to this, if any of them had any problems, I would have been there.)

So I’m going to be positive and I’m e noting the time I have. My parents secretly enjoy their part time pets. 

My mum would quiet like Orion. She firmly told me if I ever had to get rid of one, Tsega is too bonded with me, so  she’d take Orion.

Orion is an angel there as he gets to play out. 

It does pain me that my child should be her first. One of my 3 conceptions according to a psychic. I was told I’d have an abortion or miscarriage. The

Former was correct. Only on the other side  be be recognised as that.

I wish I knew why my mother prefers my brother? Why is he so great?  Okay he was once the golden hand, blond hair and blue eyed boy. The attractive one who had the cute child look the longest. Whilst me? I was cute until I was five or six, then I was a tomboy skinny until I was around 11. Finally I was pale pasty and monobrowed. Overweight, spotty and with frizzy hair.

You even kept the picture of me looking hideous and him glowing.

However, I am not gloating but thanks to my previous narcotic and my recent slight eating disorder tendencies, I am slim pretty one. He’s either big or massive, morbidly obese like. At his slimmest a large rugby player.

My relationships have dropped with my friends. I guess when I said goodbye sociable cocaine and hello unsociable crack and heroin I lost them.

Crack and heroin is a lonely drug. Alone or with the one or two others who also indulge. Even people who do not do Coke are usually excepting of it. Not crack and definitely not heroin.

I fancy someone who isn’t into me. He may have twins on the way which is a good deterrent. He keeps blowing me out, which shows his true feelings. I believe he was just interested in trying to get my free mobile phone upgrade.

❤️ 19th April 2008 - Boyfriend Dramas

Over at R**’s on the laptop, on damn Facebook. I really know by now W****, Facebook and men don’t mix, but I’m just playing Owned, making sure I don’t buy my ex.

On a couple of occasions I go to have a fag out the kitchen window, leaving Facebook open on the laptop in full view of R**.

Anyway decide to have a cuddle, I mean, that’s what I’m there for and R**’s come off the other computer.

I close down the computer and go to join him. He’s being a bit funny and finally says why did I close Facebook down, it was like I had something to hide, what was I hiding?

I tell him nothing and would I leave my profile open, go kitchen for 10 minute to smoke, if I had anything to hide m.

He could have gone through it then. But no matter how much sense I talk, he’s having none of it.

❤️ 2008 - Boyfriend Dramas

W****’s Family

Good Points

Make me feel very welcome

Get on well with all of them

Even though we argue they don’t judge me (coz even when it’s R**’s fault they probably think it’s my fault’

Love C****, she tells me all her secrets (drinks, fags, weed) I can tell her bad points without telling her off

I**** loves sniff and sorts me out secretly (R**’s mum!)

They all a laught, can socialise with them

M*** and C**** look up to me, but as I’m really immature, I get on well with both of them

Bad Points

W****’s mother treats R** like he’s 13 and mother’s him too much.

M****’s a cunt, talks to me like I’m his daughter. He’s pissed coz I argue with R**, yet he cheats on I*****

Granny thinks (knows) I am on crack 

S*****’s a bitch for no reason

I know when we argue R** won’t tell them it’s his fault so I look bad

Individually they’re cool, but together their intimidating 

They’re very close and all four grown up kids are very close (too close) to mum and not very dependent (still stay at mum’s house)

❤️ 13th June 2008 - Boyfriend Dramas

R** comes out for my birthday. Everything goes really well, apart from him being nice to some guy who called me a whore.

Came back here with J***. Decide to get pizza. It was buy one get one free.

R** says he doesn’t care what we get, just no pineapple because that’s wrong.

J*** and I start saying ham and pineapple is the bomb. R** cops the hump and tells me and J*** to get it, because he’s not having any.

Then he says he’s going to leave his card and we can get what we like, he’s going home.

I start crying and begging him to stay. He switches to cold hearted I don’t give a shit W****.

Even J*** tells him to put his bag down. Eventually we persuade him.

I keep saying please don’t ruin my birthday and he keeps telling me it’s not my birthday yet (it’s the 16th, but this was the Friday before... Friday 13th!)

When he does stay I go to my room to cry. J*** says to R** ‘I’ve got three words for you. Chill and over react’. R** goes off on one saying ‘what! You’re saying I need to chill and I over reacted?!’ J*** says ‘no, all I said was I had three words. Chill and over react’

J*** manages to get through to R** about his behaviour being unacceptable. R** comes in, I’m in a mood initially but go to bed ok