Saturday I'm normally still recovering from my Thursday smoke with my bestie girl, her man and my bestie boy N.
This morning I clucked for speed. Although it has devastating results due to my parents having no choice but to continue their detrimental behaviour trying to convince me I'mad, as they don't want to admit they do evil things to me.
I hate my father but if he stood there and said 'Jay, yes I did do those things to you' or even 'you were never mad', I'd give him a second chance.
My mother would cry when he tormented me. Even when I said I'll stop if the craziness stops, my mother did, he continued. I asked my mother 'one day can we talk honestly about this' and she replied yes.
Without the honesty I'll drift away. I'll still see my mum, but not the rest of them. Ill still spoil P****. Unless I have kids, she's going to inherit my estate. (Ahmmmm my ex-council 3 bed home!! Estate sounds like I'm a Lady in a mansion).
But she'll also get the truth which she'll be required to read prior to receipt of my belongings.
A lot of people, did a lot of sick things to me. Because I am a dirty junkie. But they were never told I have ADHD. That might evoke sympathy.
I had a jumper with ADHD in the style of ADDC the band. It's disappeared so the UK doesn't find out.
If I don't get a chance to tell the truth I'll eventually disappear. Think there's a national campaign to make one person think they're mad. I was locked in the nut house when everyone knew I wasn't mad.
I read the statement my father gave the nut house and this is why I hate him.
He's ruined my right to a quiet life, my career in education, my reputation. Just to have me locked up in a place that did not do anything to help me at all.
I knew I would be locked away to rot. I'm not really mad. They can't do shit for me. All they did was sedate real crazy people. M****** with dementia, trespassing on the male ward smoking match sticks. G***** who collected fag butts and dribbled on himself. The girl who assaulted me for sleeping with my light on. K**** who's father was a hyena and would eat you to the bone. M*** who walked around in a daze, like she's had too many benzos and was out of it. P**** who was highly strung, anxious and slept in the corridor due to having a light shone on you in the hourly checks.
I smuggled drugs in and let my friend access my online banking to ensure a daily supply was brought to me.
Fresh pins were hidden in food packets for me. The staff were too busy watching the real crazy people to have the time to check, no problem, J****'s food. They didn't even check my suitcase properly.
When my parents refused to home treat me in front of the doctor and social worker, despite my pleas of abstinence (which due to fear, I would have maintained), I decided my loss of freedom would be used to bang up in peace daily.
I'll never forgive them for that. But a relationship can be rebuilt on honesty.
I'll keep on trying but only the future knows what is in store.
A hopeful Jay x x
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