December 2013 PROLOGUE
I was at the ADHD clinic waiting to see Professor Nut. Already elevated to Godly status due to the fact he was the drugs advisor for parliament only to be kicked out for stating to a load of coke heads and alcoholics, that ecstasy was less detrimental to society than alcohol. He was spot on of course. And promptly fired.
He specialised in people with ADHD and addiction. Around 70% of unmedicated adults with ADHD self medicated. Me included.
Impatient as always I took to resticking the crocked posters in the waiting room. My ADHD comprises of an OCD for perfectionism. Crocked posters really drive me mad. I had arrived ridiculously early, as my ADHD also mad me prone to lateness. Something my OCD despised.
Then came in another client. Busy like a Tasmanian Devil, he rushed in.
'Sorry I'm late, I missed the train, then the bus and ended up having to walk. I'm bloody knackered darling'
In front of me stood a ripped male, hyper and camp as could be.
'You alright darling' he said to me not pausing for a breath.
'Yes, do you have ADHD? I have ADHD too. You take drugs? I self medicate with stimulants'
I fired my reply with just as much hyper enthusiasm.
'Yeah that's why I'm here. I'm a bit naughty with Tina'
'Me too, only crack'
The younger boy sat with his parents who had ADD, that's ADHD without the hyperness sat amazed at the two crazy people fighting to speak over each other.
'I smoke crack and heroin'
'I used IV... Inject'
'Really?' He was the epitome of health. I was shocked a needle junkie could look so good. Clearly it didn't trap him like society would have you believe.
Our 15 minute conversation seemed like 3, time flew and soon I was back out with a script for 56mg of concerta.
I waited for M*** and we left together. Swapping mobiles and Facebook details I joined him in the HIV clinic where he collected meds for his partner. We said our goodbyes and parted.
January 2014
Knowing M*** used intravenously and was very healthy had played on my mind for some time. I always wanted to see what the fuss was over heroin IV so decided to try it. I found a website called Exchange selling needles, syringes, disposable bins, and more so placed an order.
I ordered 5 pink syringes, 5 small 30g yellow needles and 5 MicroBD 32g diabetic needles. A bin, alcohol wipes, vitamin C over citric as my research said this was less damaging, cookers and these amazing filters.
I waited for N to leave on evening and cooked up some B using memory from documentarys and films. I had researched on how to give an injection and easily flagged a vein. I pushed plunge and... ... ... Nothing. Nothing special anyway. I wasn't clucking anymore but there was no amazing rush.
A few days later I tried again with no success. The following day, a new batch of brown, and I tried again. I flagged a vein and pushed the plunger. This time a funny taste hit the back of my mouth within 5 seconds and 5 more and it hit me.
Fuck fuck fuck. I know knew its allure. In my chest this huge ball of pleasure, feeling like an orgasm, radiated from the centre, to my toes, fingers and head. It took my breath away. 10 seconds of the most amazing feeling.
After the rush of euphoria the nod followed. Unable to keep my eyes open my head bobbed up and down whilst I experienced the most amazing gouch since I had first used when I was opiate naive.
By the time N returned I was still wrapped in its warm hug, but not off my face. For a change there was no anger at his lateness.
Thankfully brown isn't my poison. I'd still be fighting otherwise. But I was still using ethylphenidate rectally and often up all night.
One night whilst N slept in my room, curiosity took over rational thinking. 'I wonder what ethylphenidate feels like injected?' I pondered in the front bedroom resembling a junk room. Dawn was rising and I just turned the light off. My night had been spent tidying and arranging, the regular speed freaks behaviours.
I poured some of the white powder into a cooker and added water. It all dissolved meaning no need for a filter. I sucked it up, using a needle as I was still very cautious back then, and just like the films, flicked out the air bubbles.
I flagged and pushed. In 5 seconds I had the most distinctive chemical taste in the back of my mouth and then....
BANG!!!!
My head exploded. I hit a high a million times higher than ever before. A pure, clean buzz. My hands trembled with adrenaline. This was amazing. A calmness erupted in my brain, almost as if I was an oxymoron. My body hyper and my head at peace.
I hid my needles knowing I would be doing that again. Little did I know I would do it until almost dead
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