Well I've been a bad girl this week! Cocaine (powdered), crack and heroin. The cocaine was half sniffed and half injected, heroin one pin (injected) and two splifs. Crack, mostly smoked with a teenie, tiniest piece added to the brown to make a 'snow ball'.
Only a little bit naughty.
Whilst most of you people reading will think 'Hur, that's terrible, you're still a needle junkie', I think a little emphatic view point may help you not think I am a complete and utter disgusting, drug fiend.
1) As it's been some time since I've use my first drug of choice. And I'm craving if bad. But once I start on ethylphenidate, I can not stop. This is the only part of AA/NA which I can resonate with. 'One hit is never enough'. This is the only drug which I didn't have control over, it controlled me.
2) So to reduce the constant craving to bang up speed I've been using a couple times a week.
3) Yes I have injected on occasions, BUT I've also been sniffing coke. And the drug hierarchy is as follows
* Bombing drugs or tablet drugs. Bombing is wrapping powder with a rizla and swallowing
* Sublingual or Cheek. This normally has a higher bioavailability
* Sniffing
* Rectal
* Skin popping - using a needle to just go under the skin, this takes 20-30 minutes
* Intramuscular - needle into muscle
* Intravenous - needle into the vein
4) As my parents made using in the comfort of MY own home, or their fucking house worse than the abuse I receive from the general public, I frequently used outside. This means most my local pubs, fast food restaurants, park toilet, cemeteries, it goes on, are a trigger for me.
It's like obese people complaining you can stop drugs or alcohol, but you need food and its everywhere. My using was everywhere. I do wish my parents let me have their house as a safe place to use. When I’m not being hounded I used so much less. Plus, I'd have a lot less triggering areas etched in my mind.
I'll fight these urges for the rest of my life.
I wish my parent stopped tormenting me and helped with my recovery. I needed help, not more chaos. I know I failed two detoxes, but it was like they washed their hands of me. My whole family. They did absolutely no research into addiction. Nor the fact the average addict has 8 attempts at sobriety. No, they dedicated their research into how to make their daughter think she’s mad.
Add to that, the whole community knowing my problems, which ultimately make things worse. If everyone who tormented me, instead gave £1-5, I could have paid for an ADHD doctor to get my Ritalin, and had money spare for detox or rehab
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#iwillbefamous #thetruth #Itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked
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