❤️ 02nd May 2018 - Journal

Phone is hacked and the emails of my proof of purchase of my iPhone X and Apple Care have been deleted too.

❤️ 24th September 2017 - Email To Drug’s Psyche

Him
Hope you enjoyed your AL. Unfortunately I have an appointment to see you next Wednesday. I'm rather hesitant with regards to attending, as I'm worried I'll lose my ADHD medication.

However, given the fact I had a near fatal overdose on Friday night, I feel an appointment is imperative.

With this in mind, should anyone cancel or you can see me sooner please let me know ASAP. 

Please email me, I won't answer with held numbers. 

Kind regards 

Jay 

Sent from Jay’s iPhone 

On 22 Sep 2017, at 3:21 pm, OB

wrote

Start with J and we will take it from there

Dr OB

Consultant psychiatrist

From Sent: 22 September 2017 15:03

To: OB

Subject: Re: Appointment next Wednesday at 3 pm

Ok, thanks

Will I see you too?

Sent from Jay’s iPhone

On 22 Sep 2017, at 2:45 pm, OB

wrote:

Jay is Wednesday (not Tuesday as I said) 27 September at 3 pm with John Light.

Dr OB 

Consultant psychiatrist

U

From: Jay 

To: OB

Subject: Re: Just wondering

I only got this email 45 minutes ago.

Sorry

Sent from Jay’s iPhone

On 22 Sep 2017, at 10:43 am OB  wrote:

Jay

No I can't find out.

I understand you live in Sutton now so you need to engage with Sutton team anyhow.

I booked you in today at 12 as a favour but if you don't want to come today I will not offer you other appointments as I am short of them.

Kind regards,

Dr OB

Consultant psychiatrist

From: Jay 
Sent: 22 September 2017 10:37

To: OB

Subject: Re: Just wondering

Hi

Can you find out from my ADHD doctor whether engagement with you will affect my medication, because if so I'd rather not engage.

Kind regards

Jay 

Sent from Jay’s iPhone

On 21 Sep 2017, at 10:11 am, OB 

Dear Jay,

Everything that we discuss is formal, you know I can't hide information that you give me and they need to be shared with your GP and your ADHD team.

I have 1 slot free tomorrow 12 to 1, so let me know if you want me to book you in before it disappears.

Let's sort things out quickly. You have been in this place before and you can came out of it. Longer you stay without treatment, longer it takes to sort it out.

M

Dr OB

Subject: Just wondering

I got  you're well, and your little girl) I believe John will be contacting me next week Tuesday, bit that's kind of a long time to wait.

I don’t think I’ve know if I can come down and speak to you? I don't want an official assessment, as I have concerns my methylphenidate may be stopped if I re-engage with you.

But I'm in a mess and really need some support right now. Worried if I haw to wait until Tuesday I'll do something stupid before then.

Please email me as my phone is broken and I can't hear people when they call..M

Kind regards

The ultimate fcuk up.

On 21 Sep 2017, at 10:11 am, OB wrote:

Dear Jay

Everything that we discuss is formal, you know I can't hide information that you give me and they need to be shared with your GP and your ADHD team.

I have 1 slot free tomorrow 12 to 1, so let me know if you want me to book you in before it disappears.

Let's sort things out quickly. You have been in this place before and you can came out of it. Longer you stay without treatment, longer it takes to sort it out.

BW

O

Dr OB

Consultant psychiatrist

From: Jay 

Sent: 20 September 2017 16:26

To: ON

Subject: Just wondering

OB

hope you're well, and your little girl!

 I believe J will be contacting me next week Tuesday, bit that's kind of a long time to wait.

I don't know if I can come down and speak to you? I don't want an official assessment, as I have concerns my methylphenidate may be stopped if I re-engage with you.

But I'm in a mess and really need some support right now. Worried if I haw to wait until Tuesday I'll do something stupid before then.

Please email me as my phone is broken and I can't hear people when they call..

 Kind regards

The  ultimate fcuk up.

Jay 

Sent from Jay's iPhone

❤️ 29th September 2017 - Email To Hospital

Dear Sirs

I just wanted to thank you for the service I have received today.

I was sent by Dr. OB from Merton Engage to have a blood test.

Unfortunately, due to my poor life style choices, there are very few options left with regards to where you can take blood intravenously. The two large veins in the crook of my arms are certainly no longer viable options.

Therefore I always request that the vein on the back of my left arm is used. 

Previously, including when I have visited St. George's, this request is met with much judgemental behaviour. 

However today I was seen by Adrian (black gentleman with glasses), who passed no judgment on my request. I was not made to feel belittled, nor judged.

If all staff responded like Adrian did, it would remove much anxiety for people in my situation to have blood tests done.

Please pass my compliments to his manager.

Kind regards

Jay

Sent from Jay’s iPhone

❤️ 30th September 2017 - Email To My Drug’s Psyche

Dear All,

I have been seriously considering the option of detox. I have already started yesterday. I didn't have a drink until 8pm and no benzos until 10pm.

I would like to speak to someone from the detox to establish the length of time I would be required to stay, bearing in mind the huge reduction I am currently undertaking (35mg of diazepam, no drink until 8pm, no benzo until 10pm).

If the amount of time is reasonable I will see if I can start my new job later.

So, I don't know if I can speak to anyone on the phone regarding this

Kind regards 

Jay 

Sent from Jay’s iPhone

❤️ 01st October 2017 - Email To My Drug’s Pysche

Hi

Is there a team of people who can come round and help me sort my life out.

I think I'm just gonna home detox as after certain circumstances I have no one to look after my cat.

I'm a mess. My house is a mess, and I don't know what to do.

Jay

Sent from Jay’s iPhone

❤️ 01st October 2017 - Email To My Drug’s Psyche

Morning,

I think I'm fine to detox at home. So I'm going  to try that. 

I only get anxiety and a little shaky. I've cut down over weekend and cut down benzos too.

I won't drink tomorrow and see how I feel.

Kind regards

Jay

Sent from Jay’s iPhone

❤️ 04th October 2017 - Email From Social Worker

To whom it may concern:

Re:         

Jay 

DOB: 16/06/1091

I was working with Jay last year in order to help her access residential rehab. 

She managed to complete the programme and did very well as she managed to secure employment when she finished treatment. 

Unfortunately, Jay relapsed shortly after starting employment and was asked to leave the job in order to access further support, which she has done.  

Jay  has fallen behind on her bills and has asked for me to let you know her situation as she is keen to repay the amounts owed. 

Please contact me if you require any other information. 

Many thanks 

LiF

❤️ 11th October 2017 - Email To My Drug’s Psyche

Hi J

But when can I go in? What is the waiting list currently standing at (weeks). 

Whilst I’m super happy 9-5 now, my mental health is still very poor when I return to that house. I still get very negative thoughts and I wish my life would end. 

It’s really hard, going from so happy to so sad. It’s exhausting. I’m still fighting against undertaking actions that will have severe negative consequences... but only when I’m in this house.

I definitely need a benzo detox, and unless I manage to get down to 2mg of subbie, a subbie Detox. 

And whilst I may no longer have a serious physical addiction to alcohol (where I need to drink daily due to anxiety etc.), I’m still drinking way too much every other night.

I am also needing a high dose of buprenorphine. Between 8-12mg. I’m finding it hard to reduce. The problem is I can only purchase 8mg tablets and breaking them in to equal 2mgs is very hard. I want to be stabilised on at most 2mg.

I could do with starting a script. I’ll either be going home via Morden or Tooting. Can I get a script in either of the Boots chemists in those areas (I’m trying out going home via Morden tomorrow and then I’ll decide which route is better).

Have my blood test results come back yet? 

I’ve got to see my ADHD doctor tomorrow.... you know I’ll pop in first. I’m not going to give you a time though so you can’t ensure you’re busy when I come 😀

Old - Hope J told you get well soon when you were off sick from me! Hope you’re better. When you’re sick, do you go to a doctor?? Or do doctors treat themselves? It must be like me going to an employment advisor when I was looking for work, as that’s what I do. It was weird as they couldn’t tell me nothing I didn’t already know. Does your doctor know your a doctor? Or are you like a mystery shopper secretly knowing when they make a mistake? Can you write you own scripts or is that illegal?... I know many doctors do... and then write anonymous articles for the telegraph or guardian about how they’re addicted to opiates...... maybe I should have worked hard at school and become a doctor.. I could prescribe a plethora of substances to myself and save a lot of money! 

J -  R*** isn’t in and I’m really depressed at home... it’s not good. Her out of office said email T but I’m too embarrassed... as last time we spoke it was work related.. I’ve already noticed a couple of people give me a second look, clearly recognising me from when I was doing good.

See you all tomorrow for my special unscheduled appointment!! That you’ll definitely all be free for 😀

Thanks for all your help and putting up with me!!

Your favourite, most troublesome, erratic, clients who has to be in the top 10 for number of red zones, which embarrassingly enough I’m actually proud of. 

Jay x x 

(Sorry I’ve had a super good day at work! Have done really well, so am one one of my slightly happy/manic moods! I’m back at this stupid house now so I’m sure I’ll be eyeing up the knife draw shortly! That’s a joke, I’d never slice my wrists!)

Sent from Jay’s iPhone

On 11 Oct 2017, at 12:58 pm, JL

wrote

 Hi

How could we forget you.

Enlighten  the provisional plan is for detox later this year when you are able to take time off work, and you're working with R presently. 

Best wishes

J

From Jay 

Sent: 11 October 2017 12:53

To: J

Cc;  OB

Subject: Detox

Hi J

Any update. I’m ok with alcohol, but still drink every other day. I tend to get bad anxiety which leads to it.

still have a high benzo addiction and buprenorphine.

I have a company away day on the 19th November and cannot be absent for that date.

And Dr. P, happy to be phone free during detox. My phone really stressed me during my alcohol detox! Not good.

 Please don’t forget about me

Kind regards

Jay

Sent  from Jay’s iPhone

❤️ 15th October 2017 - Email To Mg Drug’s Psyche

Hi

Can I get a supervised script please at Boots in Morden

How long is the wait list for detox

Can you confirm I’ve tested positive the hep C antibodies 

Thanks 

Sent from Jay’s iPhone

❤️ 16th October 2017 - Email To My Drug’s Psyche

Hi Jay.

Trying to call. Please answer.

Best wishes
J

-----Original Message-----
From: Jay

Sent: 16 October 2017 08:41

To: ON; JL

Subject: Advice Needed

Morning

What shall I do if I run out of benzodiazepines? I’ve ordered more but obviously there’s the danger of this being taken whilst I am at work.

I’m taking quite s lot still. Between 40mg - 8mg of diazepam. I know the tablets I take are possibly not as strong as prescription tablets.

Also, I’m unable to buy buprenorphine anymore. I really need a script. Again my tolerance is very high. I’ve been taking up to 12mg a day, but try to take less.

I’m panicking a little.

J - I would really appreciate a phone call.

Please get back to me. Slowly my life is falling back into place. It’s just these stupid addictions I’ve got to sort out now and it’s causing me a lot of anxiety.

Hopefully I’ll hear from you today.

Kind regards

Jay

Sent from Jay’s iPhone