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Wednesday 20 May 2015

❤️ 10th April 2015 - Journal PART 1

Hooray! I'm officially discharged from Springfield after 10 days. Days 8 and 9 were spent 'on leave' and I stayed at my friend's house. I'm dreading returning to my parent's.

I have to return at 5pm for my TTO (To Take Out) buprenorphine. I'm down with medical abreviations. I've had 7 hospital admittances since November and out of 112 days, 52 have been in hospital. That's not far off half.

17/11/14 - 04/12/14
18 Days
Detox
Dove Ward
Crawley Hospital 

27/12/14 - 31/12/14
5 Days
Cellulitis 
Champney's Ward
St. George's 

16/01/15 - 20/01/15
5 Days
Cellulitis 
Keate's Ward
St. George's 

09/02/15
1 Day
Accidental Overdose
Urgent Care
St. George's 

17/02/15 - 27/02/15
11 Days
Detox
Dove Ward
Crawley Hospital 

09/03/15 - 10/03/15
2 Days
Overdose
Resus & Urgent Care
St. George's 

01/04/15 - 10/04/15
10 Days
Sectioning 
Springfield
St. George's

It's the non-accidental overdose that landed me in Springfield. Lessons learnt? Yes do it properly next time. Sectioning is the punishment for half arsed attempts on suicide via overdosing (I was under the pretence Glen and Steve were genuine patients at the time of writing).



❤️ 20th May 2015 - Journal

I'm so excited about the possibility I could get my methylphenidate back.

There's another drug I could take but it takes 6 weeks to work. So I'll probably use while taking it and unlikely to stop when it does kick in.

For me methylphenidate renders crack and cocaine useless. This is what I need. It works immediately and soothes my schizo brain. 

So guess I'm off to rehab. I need to wean off my buprenorphine and may go back to detox to do the last jump.

Currently I'm 6.8mgs. Next week 6mgs and I may do week after 4mgs and next week 2mgs.

Then possibly detox for 
4 Days 1.8mgs
4 Days 1.4mgs
4 Days 1mgs
4 Days .8mgs
4 Days .4mgs

But on the outside I've got the herbal high Kractom to help with the drops. It's a plant that attaches to the opiate receptors but isn't an opiate.

It's addictive but not for someone like me with a huge tolerance. It's short acting so lasts 4-6 hours and I'll need to take 4-6 capsules each 4-6 hours. I'll only need it for 2-3 days each week when the drop kicks in. It takes 2-3 days to notice a drop.

Plus I'll have the legal high benzos
Etizolam
Diclazepam 
Flubromazepam 
Pyrazolam
(There's a few new ones too)

This can help me with the anxiety, restlessness and sleeplessness.

I'm really trying on this one as although I can see me using drugs later in life. I'm fed up with opiate addiction.

Fingers crossed 





❤️ 20th May 2015 - How TO Get Your Kids Off Drugs

In this post I'll detail some tips of how to help someone overcome a drug problem

1) Make them aware you know and you're there to help them.

2) Get to the route of the problem. If the drug addict is reluctant to say arrange family counselling where they can disclose to a cousellor and the counsellor to you 

My problem was being bullied at work when prior to new management I was a respected project manager self managing a large project, my house falling to pieces  and at the time concern for my mothers illness. My ADHD has an OCD of perfectionism. Prior to buying a house I had a new build flat. My life was perfect.

3) Check for mental health or disabilities. Depression, anxiety, OCD, eating disorders, ADHD

I have ADHD the OCD also covers my weight meaning I have an eating disorder not other specified. Like anorexia but with the target weight a healthy 8.3lbs / 52.1kg.

4) Help them if they help themselves.

So ensuring I had my methylphenidate and telling me if I go rehab for 6 months they'll fix my house . Strict ultimatums such as leaving rehab resulting in me having to sell my house to pay them back

5) Expect relapses. I think it's about an average of 8 times for a intravenous heroin addiction.

6) Understand you can never make someone give up. They have to do it themselves. But help won't come until they change 

So knowing my house could be fixed if I did rehab, would have encouraged me. Or being given a new iPad knowing I would lose this should I quit or relapse.

7) Don't count a little fuck up as a relapse. 

For example if I've been clean for 3 months and then use one time. For me using once a month is nothing compared to daily. Being perfect is hard to aim for.

8) Allow replacements as long as it doesn't get to the stage where their behaviour is damaging

For me, smoking weed and crack. I've also used intravenously, occasionally. However remember previously I could not get out of bed without injecting myself so once a week isn't awful behaviour as far as I'm concerned. 

9) Mark miles stones. 1 week no injecting/using Drug Of Choice (DOC)

10) If they do releaspe ensure they have decent equipment for safety

11) Ensure if they releaspe they visit their counsellors and key workers 

12) Encourage they undertake hobbies 

13) Encourge them to better themselves such as training, education and volunteering. The structure encourages them not to use or use as much

I'd love to do Counselling CPCAB Level 3 (got 2 already). The best Drugs Counsellors are ex addicts and I'd love to do this. 

14) My final point, endeavour to not get angry. The user will already have a lot of negative self images. Negativity fuels drug addiction 

So here's my pointers. This is what would have helped me. I wish my parents supported me rather than made me famous for taking drugs. I feel sad for the anonymity and quiet life I'll never have 😥

#itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked






❤️ April 2015 - The Inmates

Here are some of my eccentric fellow Springfield inmates.





❤️ April 2015 - I'm Sane Get Me Outta Here

Below is an email from my Independent Mental Health Advocate. 

An IMHA is a professional who fights in my corner to get me out. A tag team for my sanity.

Although I saw/ heard Fat Cunt, Sir Cuntalot and Nice-But-Dim I am not disclosing this to anyone.

I've been banging up every day psychosis free. Now psychosis is for my ears only. Congruency = detained.

Thanks for removing my counsellors and key workers. It's nice having no one to talk to.




❤️ April 2015 - Camera Lightbulbs

Well, I was sectioned for thinking my parents had lost all respect for my human right of privacy and were filming me in both their and my home.

I was told I was being paranoid. No one was filming me. My mother even screamed this at the doctor and social worker responsible for my freedom.   

Being a harden junkie I've smashed many a light bulb. The Eco ones are fab for making a crack pipe if desperate. 

So I was rather baffelled when I took a lightbulb down and notice the weight. It usurped every light bulb I had ever hold.

So I smashed it open and look what I found.






2015-04-11 23.42.51.jpg

2015-04-11 23.43.09.jpg
What a complex circuit board for a lightbulb. And why a battery attached I do not know. Lightbulbs do not need batteries.

So I googled hidden cameras Lightbulbs and look what came up


So clearly being filmed isn't a disillusion. I've been locked up unlawfully. 










Monday 18 May 2015

❤️ 13th May 2015 - The Junkettes

This was at 6.30pm on the south bound Northern Line. I departed from Stockwell and travelled to Colliers Wood for my supervised script.

The first Junkettes to be captured are a young man and his mother? Startled into an anxiety filled journey upon standing in front of him. He immediately took out his mobile and alerted mummy to my arrival. My sleeve rolled down and the track on my right arm became visible. Almost panic stricken he informed mummy. Both desperately endeavoured to steal glances, however smart cookie (I curse my psychic ability!) had clocked the anxiety that I've grown accustomed to when spotted, meant they were petrified to be caught looking at me.

Of course, I MUST excel at my labels. Label me a junkie, and watch me play up to my label. I immediately rolled up my sleeve a little. Ahhh love it! Well I can't stop it!



Look at the anxiety spotted a track and he's got sweaty palms.



Avoidance, well known technique of the Junkettes with no acting skills 



Finger biting, got mum in this one too!

Needless to say he shat himself when I got my phone out and pointed it at him. Cest La Vie!

What goes around comes around like a hoola hoop. Karma is a bitch, so make sure that bitch is beautiful 

I had noticed the second couple prior to this incident, the girl looked like a familiar far from middle school. A year older if I remember correctly. I had already clocked the glance of recognition upon recognising me.

At Tooting Bec they took the two vacant seats to my left. The female turned to the male and said, in too loud whispers 'look at her wrist', whilst simultaneously touching her own right arm in identical places to my own war wounds. 

I than said 'WRIST' nice and loud for her. Obviously bunked school the day they learnt that one.

#itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked

❤️ Psychosis By Mum and Dad - Mass Stalking

One of the things I initially felt so distressing was the mass stalking. I was in Brixton with my best friend when I first realised I was seeing familiar faces in the crowd.

Having ADHD means I'm crap with names, but faces, well that's another game entirely. 

Mass stalking, meaning I had no privacy what so ever (I was filmed in every room in both mine and their homes), was distressing enough to the point I took and overdoes in public.

Secondly being stalked meant I ended up using a hell of a lot more as this encouraged me to bang up in public. If I'm having psychosis I'm having the damn high!

So here's a section dedicated to how to make your kid bang up more drugs!

1) When UFM (Unwanted Family Member) looks out the window of her quiet street have it suddenly fill with boy racers (driving faster than necessary) and herds of strange faces.

2) Have two or three base houses where these extras congregate waiting for me to look outside or leave. No 50 people of all races does not stir suspicion in what should be a family 2 bed house.

3) Cars at night must use full beams in UFM presence.

4) Ensure stalking by her iPad/iPhone. When she realises all these strange men, some with vicious dogs are following the iPad, not her, she'll abandon her prized possession. With all her Tsega pics on it (Tsega is the beautiful Bengal who was put to sleep in February due to a terminal cancer aged 6)

5) Make sure she's never alone. Doesn't matter how quiet the road, wether it's 3am, or if she's hidden in the park. People will constantly walk past her

6) Even though you've implemented the above make sure no one comes to her aid at 11pm when she overdoses in the park. Yep ignore the slumped body, keep walking past 

7) Ensure every person in London with a Ford Focus or similar car, in grey, silver or black is ropped in. Ensure there's a large number where ever she goes. Get everyone in your street to park one in their drives.

8) In central London have the same crowd of people stand outside every pub she passes. Don't let them shout 'RIGHT WE'RE ON THE MOVE' when she's still in ear shot.

9) Make sure they cannot act to save their lives. So make sure they are clearly looking out for UFM

10) Then taking her photo or grabbing their phone to text her location is imperative.

11) When clocked by UFM get them to anxiously hide their face by staring at the floor and try to ignore her

12) Even those who are brave enough to try a staring match make sure they always give up as UFM approaches 

13) Shouting 'crack head, smack head' is  super embarrassing and those who do publicly shame her will be fired 

14) In fact any who interact or are seen to frequently must disappear

15) Get the emergency service involved by setting off the blues and siren when she's insight. This was particularly distressing when she's worried about being unlawfully sectioned.

16) Remember UFM likes pets so having the same people walking the same dogs will result in a fail.

17) Photo her on the tube. UFM will get pissed when she notices piss heads (same as me but alcohol), over weight people (same as me but food) and even the cunts with a scratch card or racing pull out (same as me but gambling)

18) Keep up the game no matter what. Hanging you head in shame when approached is a dead give away (L*** neighbour 25.03.15)

19) Ensure helicopters when in wooded park, even late at night during no fly hours.

20) Insure most stalkers don't interact 

21) To get stalkers on board don't say she's using legal speed for her ADHD but she a raving crack and smack head

To be continued... 

#itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked

 

❤️ 18th May 2015 - Journal

Yay! I do believe by going to prison (AKA rehab) I get my normal back!

I'm going to be prescribed methylphenidate or Ritalin again.

No dirty pee tests, gotta have a medical at GP and arrange jail.

Don't care I'm happy  

Sunday 17 May 2015

❤️ 17th May 2015 - Journal

Today I'm pissed. I heard 'psychosis' AKA my parents sobbing last night, most probably after reading my journal on here where I state I'm going to use.

Yes they are that dumb they think they have super powers no other parent in time has possessed. They believe they can make their child stop drugs.

Hahaha, how naive. No matter how much sick and evil things you do to me, you will never make me stop taking drugs. 

Do you really think the complete destruction of a drug addict's life will make them stop taking drugs or use more?

All they have done is ensure my thirst for drugs increases, in order to cope with the chaos they've created.

What would encourage me to stop using drugs? Hmmmm, having a family who were there for me opposed of one who only encourage me to commit suicide.

Having a sense of normality in my life. Having my debit and credit cards, driving my car, living in my own house, being able to use a fucking cash machine. For some reason they think it's funny to fuck around with this too. 

It's shit like that that makes me use thickos!