❤️ TO THE JUDGEMENTAL, GULLIBLE ARSEHOLES WITH NO EMPATHY

I had a few funny looks on the tube on the way home... why is that you ask? Don’t you get funny looks everyday?? 

Yes I do, but I enjoy these looks.

You see, I was sick to death with that hacked iPhone. It was an iPhone 7 purchased in March/April and I’m still paying for it... Having my money stolen, the tracking, the lack of privacy... I have so much I haven’t sorted out in the past two weeks due to this. 

And... the cherry on the cake... going to the iPhone Store on Tuesday, I attempted to have my iPhone restored again. However it crashed the first Mac, the second didn’t work well either. The genius I was with, had to attempt to restore it 5-6 times as my serial number free iPhone wouldn’t restore back to factory default. Then, when it did finally restore, whilst no one laid a finger on it.. The home button stopped and the assistive touch appeared.

My mind was set... A loan and a new phone. The beautiful new X was £1,000... wow!! With Apple Care £1,200... that would mean I could pay only my mortgage and nothing else with my salary. But the iPhone 8 was £699 and Apple Care £120. That would still be tough, but I have no PC, no landline, my iPad doesn’t work.. I have nothing else to communicate to the world with. I felt I had no choice and applied for a loan online and was approved for £3,000.

I sent my bank statements, but still hadn’t heard from them this morning. So, I decided I’d get another payday loan if needed. I have avoided communicating with anyone for 2 weeks. Things that required my attention were left unattended and naturally caused me a huge amount of anxiety. 

Blocking this out, in an attempt to carry on as normal, I knew I had no choice.

I was not going to get a older model. I would definitely upgrade. And I didn’t want second hand for two reasons. One, if they could predict where I was going to make a purchase, the phone may have been already tampered with. Secondly, Apple Care. £120 and ANY DAMAGE to my phone, covered for two years. I spend a lot more on repairing my phone. Software, hardware, damn cracked screens. Anything bar being lost or stolen. The genius confirmed should my 7 had Apple Care, it would be traded for a new phone. 

So lunch time today, I bombed it to Oxford Circus. ‘iPhone 8, silver, 64g (I hardly use 1/10 of my 128g) with Apple Care please’ I said to my genius. Her name was the same as mine, but spelt differently.

I told her my story, phone going ‘missing’, finding springboard, phone getting hot, internet drained quickly, the restores, the AppleSamsungSPIController extension showing up in analytics, the crazy photos showing on after I had erased iPhone to factory default, the stolen money from my online account and crashing the iPhone Store’s Mac.

‘I can’t imagine, you must have so much anxiety? If it was me, I wouldn’t sleep at night’ she replied in complete awe of my tale as to why I was here today. 

‘Yes, exactly, I’ve found myself wanting a couple of glasses of vino at night to calm my head down. I have ADHD and I get bad anxiety as a symptom’

‘I think I have ADHD too’ she replied.

Immediately I agreed. She wasn’t as hyper as me, but also spoke really fast and was incredibly chatty. The comments she made about anxiety, disorganisation and her time keeping.

She then told me if I was buying an 8 or a X, I could pay over 24 months with an interest free loan. The X was calling me with its smooth glass screen begging me to touch it. It worked out to cost £699 for a silver and I think £120 for Apple Care. The X was £999 and Apple Care £199. 

‘Did you know with the iPhone 8 and the X you can get an interest free loan over 24 months.... my head stopped listening... interest free??? I did ask for the iPhone 8 monthly cost, but I also wanted to know the X’s cost. 

‘The X is £69 per month and that includes Apple Care’

I’ve done my maths now and I realise that doesn’t quite add up.. but that was incredibly adorable.

‘As it’s interest free, should I wish to lay a lump sum or pay it off, that’s ok? There’s no early repayment fees?’

‘No, it’s interest free, but you would need to pay Barclay’s.’

The 8 had long gone from my mind. Decision was made. 

‘I’ll have an iPhone X WITH Apple Care, in silver, 64g please’

And thankfully it was in stock and my credit check went through.

So right now, I’m typing this on a iPhone X 😛

Anyway.... the funny looks on the tube... well funnier than normal. Was the bizarre look from my fellow POS commenters who think ruining a young girl’s life acceptable, where looks of confusion when I pulled out a brand new phone costing a grand.

You’ve all been told, and stupidly believe, I’m a terrible, terrible junkie and you must watch out, probably under the bullshit guise of my safety. Therefor I’d steal 50p reduced broken up eyeshadow, when purchasing £12 worth of other items. I certainly don’t have money to spare for expensive technology. Surely it all goes on my crack habit.

WRONG!!

FUCK YOU!

Sending love to all the secret junkies who work, pay their bills and appear normal. 

 #itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked

❤️ JUNKIE DIET

This is what my diet, especially today... has mainly consisted of 

... I’m waiting....

😆 JOKE

I couldn’t find any plastic bottles to make some squash. I rarely make it in a cup, as I will be up and down all night.

Anyway, I know you may find it hard to believe... I have quite a few empty bottles like this.

And I remembered glass doesn’t disintegrate, so is actually better than plastic.

Here’s the proof

Bottle on the right has some left over in! You can clearly see it’s less opaque than the the real wine and squash is darker...

But, unless you see me make the bottle and strictly track that, as long as I buy Berry flavour squash, or / and have a bottle of the real stuff in view... it’s gonna be pretty hard to tell whether I’m drinking or not!

I LOVE the idea. No more lemon squash for me! 

Oh and the reason my diet has mainly been squash today, didn’t wake up till 8pm... didn’t sleep until 10am today. 

That’s for another post... anyway!

You can now sign up for my posts via email, if you click the full website, it’s on the left hand side.

#itsnotaboutthedrugs

@Gemma_Stalked

❤️ Jackpot! Reason I Was Sectioned

If you read my previous post you would’ve seen that I have now realised that my chronic itching is most likely due to mould allergy. 

If you have a lot of mould in your house you end up with an excess of dust mites as dust mites thrive on mould. 

This explains the visual effects I was able to see. 

if you look through my blog you will see in 2015 I have mentioned the bugs in quite a few posts. 

When I return to this house there was a lot of mould in the bathroom. I did not remove it properly I just painted over it. However I have now just discovered that my mattress is pretty much filled with mould. 

I have already emailed my counsellor he works with my psychiatrist the article which I have posted in a previous post. 

what is described in the article is pretty much exactly the same as the symptoms I am suffering from. 

The mould can get into anything porous. So apart from plastic glass and metal, anything can get infected. in fact previously when I suffered from this as it was so bad some items which were made from a soft plastic also got infected. 

This means that around 70% of my belongings could be filled with this mould. 

When I knew everything will have to be cleaned thoroughly and placed into Ziploc bags.  It can only be bought into my new house plants I am sure it is completely free of any mould. otherwise my new house or just get infected too. 

I need to get rid of my current mattress. But there is no point getting a replacement until I am out of this house. So I will be sleeping on the sofa for another two months. My sofa is quite small and not very comfortable. 

I might start taking my summer clothes and Other items that are porous, that I don’t really need and getting them cleaned now and put into storage. 

Why don’t doctors know about this. Unfortunately for myself the symptoms get worse between 2 AM and 5 AM. Naturally when you’re addicted to speed you don’t sleep.  Meaning I got to see the worst of it. 

I knew it wasn’t in my head. I could see my rabbit jumping around as he too was bitten. He would sit in the cat litter tray. As this mould likes warm moist places. Cat litter naturally absorbs moisture. Meaning he got a little relief asked in there. 

I have a lot of photos and videos,  Sharing the results of what happens when you have a bad mould infection.  You could see the dust mites move on my rabbit straw if I sprayed it with bleach. 

also after I would bang up lots of little black dots would appear around where there was blood on my arm. 

if anyone has any experience of this please let me know how you manage to cope. I am breaking point. Not only to my parents go out of their way to make my life a complete misery, which in turn has caused me to have chronic paranoia that I expect I will suffer from for the rest of my life. But I’m also suffering from a condition that is hardly recognised by medical professionals. Now I must go and cover myself in Listerine and coconut oil in a desperate attempt to get some relief from my itching. 

I really feel like I should quit while I’m ahead. Should I encounter another bad experience it will destroy me. If I don’t kill myself and doubtedly I will end up in a mental institution for a very long time. 

and as I am aware you don’t get any treatment in mental institutions. Prisoners are treated better. You are just locked away without any therapy any counselling and you can’t even conversed with any of the nurses her because they are too busy dealing with the people with real mental problems. 

All I have is -

My cat

My house

My job (which knowing me I’m likely to lose)

Two people I can call real friends

And another two people who are junkie friends

There is no family to love or support me.There is no partner to be by my side. Financially I was like on myself. And this house will require a major cleaning routine every single day until I’m out of here. 

God has given me too much to cope with. 

Jay 

#itsnotaboutthedrugs

@Gemma_Stalked

❤️ TOR & Dream Market

So after those people who are also known as my family caused a horrific fall out between myself and N, I decided to download TOR, eager to register with the notorious drug eBay Silk Road. For those of you unfamiliar with TOR, it’s an acronym for The Onion Router, and it enables you to access the dark net. 

The dark net is the uncensored, untraceable version of Internet Explorer or Safari. Therefore within it’s webpages, which are inaccessible via any other internet router, criminals, peadophiles

Here is a screen shot of TOR loading

Here is TOR

It didn’t take me long to discover Dream Market, a much better, easier to use and more professional website.

Here are a couple of the links to the website

http://jd6yhuwcivehvdt4.onion/

http://lchudifyeqm4ldjj.onion/

And welcome to Dream Market 

❤️ SAVE £ AIRBNB

www.airbnb.co.uk/c/gemmas3978

Use this link for £25 off your first air BnB booking

Feel free to share

A typical junkie would not just share this with you. They would tell you if you paid them a fiver they would give you a £20 discount.

I don’t even know what I get.

Hang on give me a sec

Okay I get £15 for everyone who uses my link and book a room costing more than £55. If you then share your link and somebody booked a room costing morning £55 I get a one off payment of £55.

You can earn up to £3800 so please share the Airbnb love.

Please note the money and is held as credit on your account meaning your accommodation Will be reduced or free depending on how many credits you have

You can now sign up for my posts via email, if you click the full website, it’s on the left hand side.

#itsnotaboutthedrugs

@Gemma_Stalked

❤️ Suicide Note To My Beautiful R***

Please make sure the press get this blog. Go to the Daily Mail as if you include online, it’s the most read newspaper in the world. Definitely not that cretinous newspaper which fabricates it’s stories, such as the Sun and the crap it has written about me.

You were a good friend. When we met in rehab, at first I was jealous of the more petite, more blonde, better singer, better drawer girl, with a darker fake tan than mine.

Then we discovered we shared the same birthday.

You did angel cards, me Tarot.

On J**’s bday bash, as we were the two newbies, there wasn’t room for us in the front train carriage.

We took the back, and laughed more than anyone else.

You’re perfection at doing my tan... and then the little reveal you made after rehab!! I wish we had known in their... could have definitely had way more fun!!

You met me at Victoria when I left and got me an Uber back to my house. 

As I have no friends... addiction when injecting is involved is very isolating, this touched my heart more than you can imagine.

Meeting you for a few drinks whilst we job hunted and laughing at how good our rehab was...

Our openness about certain things which lead to many fun filled evenings!! The best thing was, the next day, there was no uncomfortable silences... we just carried on being best mates like nothing had happened.

You’re the most prettiest girl I know, inside and out.. I was stunned our fun nights happened and definitely bragged a lot about them.

You’re so kind, such a beautiful person R***, I am blessed to have had you in my life.

Meeting L*** your identical twin was the freakiest moment ever!!! Shit!! Two R***’s. I had loads of ‘wait a minute’ moments as my brain tried to keep up with it was L*** and not you I spoke to.

In the event of my death, all my clothes, shoes, bags, belts and accessories are first pick to you and L***. I know neither of you have much in the way of things. I want all my designer stuff (I have a real Louis Vuitton) to go to you.

My Tiffany jewellery and Pandora bracelets are yours.

My beautiful R*** and me.

Waiting for the bus to Plymouth

In Cloud 9 (aka R***’s room in rehab) - Fake tan curtesy of R*** 

Partying at mine - if you’ve seeen Kate Benniston’s posts about my house being a shit hole, as you can see, it’s not!)

❤️ Kate - Girl Who Keep Commenting

Actually stole a load of my stuff when she was cleaning!

Yes I’ve noticed missing DVDs and CDs.

Haha! I bet this horrible infestation takes over her house now!

Notice my nice size 8 jumper is stretched beyond belief, so that heffer lump clearly tried it on before realising that a size 14 would look ridiculous in it

She started panicking she was itchy when I said all my belongings would need to be chucked.

Ignore her spam comments

Oh, she also steals from the £1 Shop! WTF! I mean, Boots... ok... £1 Shop? Loser!

Haha! You do realise each time you comment you draw attention to this blog, and as author I have full control over what is visable.

Kept my blog’s publicity quiet for a week.

< 20 views a day. Kate’s obsessive comment posting has brought me back up to 140 views. 

Idiot.

And she calls me a junkie.... she lost her kids to drugs. And she was asking N to have sex with her so another baby can be put into the care system.

She was begging me to get her a contract phone, coz this junkie works and can get credit and she can’t.

Carry on loser and I’ll post your pictures next.

You’re the one who let crack dealers in her yard to get £10 worth of crack crumbs a day. You’re a junkie babes. 

#itsnotaboutthedrugs

@Gemma_Stalked

❤️ I’m Seriously Ill

Well Monday i had two voicemails from Dr. A***** G******. When it was well known I was banging up daily, he was the only GP who was allowed to see me.

Now it’s either him or Dr C**** another senior GP.

I saw Dr C**** a couple of weeks ago. I explained my itching, the fact the judgmental doctors at St. George’s where going to do a blood test, then saw IVDU come up on my record and that changed to me having to visit the GP. I told him the receptionist only gave me an appointment after discovering I worked and owned my own house. And when I finally got to see a GP I was just given strong antihistamines, which helped a little. 

Dr. C**** has been the first non-judgemental doctor I’ve seen in the past 3 years. Arranged for a blood test and gave me scabies cream. Apparently enough for 2 applications, but only being little, I’ve got enough for 4. So I’ve got 2 left for when/it the itching creepy crawly feeling starts again. I explained to him. My drug use was initially blamed for this. No one has taken me seriously, and all I haven received before was a higher dose of buprenorphine or antipsychotics, just to knock the ‘crazy girl’ out. 

I also told him I believed my use hide my conditions, as the cleaner I got, the MORE the symptoms where present. He finally got a blood test arranged for me.

I arrived home. Applied the scream and the itching stopped!!

I had to email the GP

THANK YOU DOCTOR CHANA!!!!

Dear Sirs

Please forward to Dr. Chana. The cream he prescribed has worked and for the first time, in a long time, I am not itching like a loon!

Even my hair has stopped, the creepy crawly feeling too!

I’m hoping keeping the heating on high, will reduce whatever it is in this damn house driving me mad!

Every single other doctor has said the same thing... it’s my drug use.

But, as I’ve used for over 20 years I’m very familiar with the effects / Withdrawal of drugs.

God bless him so much, for being non judgmental, believing me and prescribing me something that’s brought so much relief.

Please pass my comments to his manager. He is an excellent doctor.

I might have drug abuse problems, but I still work, pay my taxes and contribute to society. It’s incredibly disheartening to have any problem blamed on the activities I chose to do when I’m not working.

I’m pretty sure, I will not be symptom free until I leave this house.. But for the past 3 years he’s the first doctor to actually listen to me, believe me and prescribe something that actually helps my problem (opposed to giving me a stupidly high dose of buprenorphine or having me drugged up on antipsychotics).

Please confirm he’s received my letter of thanks.

The frustration of people not believing me, including my own family, I’m not going to lie, was pushing me towards doing something stupid/being sectioned

Thank you so much. If the problem persists I hope he will continue to work with me and endeavour to get to the bottom of this long standing condition

(P.s. - you can tell him the nurse at St. Helier was, as predicted, judgemental. Initially insisting on trying to use the two veins in the crook of my arm before giving up and using the one I asked her to use!)

Kind regard

Jay

During our second appointments he prescribed my Ritalin script early and checked my bloods and said, apart from having a raised CRP (C-reactive protein, the test which can determine if your body is fighting infection). He told me mine was 55. It should be between 1-5. He said it all looked fine though, but he would need to refer to previous test.

Then I spoke to J*** at MDART and he confirmed that whilst I’ve been in this house, I’ve always had an raised CRP, with scores of 55, 68 and 163.

So after hearing Dr.A*****’s voicemails I began to phone for an appointment. I couldn’t attend any of the early / day ones due to work. On the Monday morning after getting my Ritalin script I needed to in. The tube was also severely delayed. Even though I called and emailed to explain I was stuck waiting on the tube, on Friday the two managers reprimanded me for being late. Even though both of them had arrived later than 10am (my arrival time on Monday), they’re seriously gripping onto every excuse possible to get rid of me due my 6 month probation.

Bearing this in mind, and needing to utilise this for MDART, I explained I couldn’t take an 8.30am appointment.

The receptionist begged me to take an 8.30am one, even saying they could write me a letter.

I will phone them this morning and see if there’ any cancelled appointments. Even though it says URGENT NOT OVER THE PHONE. They may allow this due to my inability to get time off.

I have also explained I’m seeing Dr. P on Thursday, so I could possibly attend before that, and if not could they liaise with Dr. P so she could break the bad news on their behalf.

As I stand to lose everything if I sell my house (bar mental, hard plastic and glass.... if I do have something life threatening or terminal, I will refuse treatment.

I have nothing to live for.

My own FAMILY started this crazy stalking campaign, most of my possessions are fucked. I’ve only got little Orion who’s clearly affected by whatever i have in my house. He’d be better of without me.

Gonna call again now. Update soon

A very worried J

❤️ Hey H**** - My Friend

Just got the notification you’re following me! 

Special post just to say hi to you.

Mwah x 💋 

❤️ Nothing Blog Related - Curious - Race War America

Ok, I’ve always thought America was a little behind with race equality.

I remember back in the 90’s.... when I first started dating black guys (I’ve only ever been with black African, black Caribbean or mixed race white and one of the above.

And I always noticed on Ricky Lake it was RARE to see a mixed race couple. And I fancied Will Smith in the Fresh Prince like mad, and I think of the hundred of episodes I watched... only one included him flirting with a white lady. 

If you watched the show, you know, Will pulled a different girl in practically every episode.

Even mordern black American sitcoms, like My Wife and Kids, rarely have regular white characters who are perceived as positive cast members.

Which is weird to me as in the 90’s I started part time work in McDonald’s which was filled with young white girls who paired up with the numerous white guys.

Bar visiting a Nigerian restaurant in the late 90’s and me, being the only white person, we hear just a couple of racists comments to me and my boyfriend. I also noticed black women would refuse to let me pull out in the road when I was driving with him.

I did notice the police where slightly racist when we drove together. I was never pulled over driving alone. And the reasons for doing so where fabricated or petty.

But I’m watching a documentary on W, and it’s a white power one. And it showed a Black lives / black lives matter protest.

A white woman with a mixed race (black/white) child tried to joined but, received racist abuse and was told she couldn’t join.

I believe blacks are treated unfairly in America. I’d want to support black lives matter... would I be refused although I agree with its ethos?

 #itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked