❤️ 14th August 2015 - Ethylphenidate

My DOC thanks Wikipedia 

Ethylphenidate 

(RS)-ethyl 2-phenyl-2-piperidin-2ylacetate - this is its full chemical name

Trade Name - EPH - this is its nickname 

Legal Status - UK Class B Temporary Class Drug - this means its status as class B will be under review 

Routes of Administration - Insufflation (sniffed), Vaporized (smoked either in a pipe or on foil. Not directly heated with a flame), Intramuscular (injected into a muscle), Intravenous (injected into a vein) Rectal (up your arse), Oral (swallowed), Sublingual (dissolved under tongue)

Bioavailability - Variable - the amount you absorb via chosen Route of Administration. Intravenous is probably 99%, intramuscular 85%, rectally 75%, Vaporized 60%, sublingual 30% and oral 20%. So for each gramme of ethylphenidate consumed, if injected you'd get .99g, sublingual you'd get .30g and so on. 

Half Life - Less than 4hrs - How long for the amount you took to halve in your blood. So if I take .10mgs at 10am, by 2pm I'd have 0.05mgs, 6pm, 0.025mgs, 10pm, 0.012mgs. This is quick. Some drugs have 24 hour half lives

Ethylphenidate (EPH) is a psychostimulant and a close analog of methylphenidate. (Ritalin)

Ethylphenidate acts as both a dopamine reuptake inhibitor (happy chemicals you naturally make) and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (energy chemical you make),

meaning it effectively boosts the levels of the norepinephrine and dopamine neurotransmitters in the brain, by binding to, and partially blocking the transporter proteins that normally remove those monoamines from the synaptic cleft.

Systematic Ethylphenidate can be formed when ethanol and methylphenidate (so simply as drinking when on Ritalin)

Ethylphenidate formation appears to be more common when large quantities of methylphenidate and alcohol are consumed at the same time, such as in non-medical use or overdose scenarios.This process is also known to occur when cocaine and alcohol are consumed together, forming cocaethylene. Only a few percent of the consumed methylphenidate is converted to ethylphenidate so a significant dose would never be produced.

Ethylphenidate's profile is nearly identical to methylphenidate, and is primarily responsible for its euphoric and reinforcing effects

• Ethylphenidate is not internationally 
• Ethylphenidate is not controlled in the Netherlands
• Ethylphenidate is not explicitly controlled in US but it could possibly be considered an analog of a Schedule II substance
• Ethylphenidate is illegal in Sweden as of 15 December 2012
• Ethylphenidate is illegal to manufacture, distribute or import in the UK, as of 10 April 2015 it has been placed under a Temporary Class Drug Order which automatically places it in the Class B category
• Ethylphenidate is illegal in Jersey under the Misuse of Drugs (Jersey) Law 1978.
• Australian state and federal legislation contains provisions that mean that analogues of controlled drugs are also covered by the legislation. Ethylphenidate would be an analogue of methylphenidate under this legislation.
• Ethylphenidate is not controlled in Canada 
• Ethylphenidate is illegal in Germany as of 05.07.2013
• Ethylphenidate is illegal in Austria by the "Neue Psychoaktive Substanzen Gesetz" NPSG since 1 January 2012
• Ethylphenidate is illegal in Denmark as of 1 February 2013

❤️ 19th August 2015 - Journal

I've had the disappointing need that my next ADHD appointment isn't until the 29th October!!

How can I wait so long!

This also halts the process of going rehab. So I have to fight the urge of using legal speed to get high. It's the one drug I have no control over. The only one, once I start, stopping is not even imaginable. 

Even crack and coke binges would only hit 3 to 4 days. The expense isn't the only factor. You get sick of being high. I never get sick of being high on ethylphenidate. 

I'd happily bang up all day, take benzos to help the anxiety. Take a larger dose of benzos to knock myself out to sleep. Upon waking bang up some speed to rid myself of the dozy, comatosed, benzo hang over. Start again. 

I'd just accept I'd need speed for as long as possible. I never planned on stopping.

I try not to take benzos now. But as benzos stay in your system so long (14 days or so) and heroin so little (3 days), it's tempting to use the latter to come down.

I also use my antipsychotics to come down. Unlike the two above, they have no effect on the miserable mood one is guaranteed on having.

My binge did have a positive repercussion though. It reinforced the need for rehab. Occasional using is ok. Binging is sick and horrible. 

 

❤️ 26th August 2015 - Thank You

I think it's important to be thankful. No matter how bad things are.

It would be really great if you could comment and add to my list or agree with my list. A really positive post. 

These range from special family, pets, friends, qualities, achievements, skills, gifts from God like nature, those who help me

* Thanks for my friend N****

* Thanks for Cepha (cat)

* Thanks for Cyran (bunny)

* Thanks for Tsega (cat shown above)

* Thanks for Orion (cat shown above)

* Thanks for Fluffy (bunny shown above)

* Thanks for Fyver (bunny shown below)

* Thanks for my friend K***

* Thanks for my friend S****

* Thanks for my house 

* Thanks for having nice neighbours

* Thanks for having a fortunate family 

* Thanks for my mother 

* Thanks for summer 

* Thanks for ice cream 

* Thanks for being psychic 

* Thanks for being able to read tarot

* Thanks for being able to use crystals 

* Thanks for seeing spirits 

* Thanks for hearing spirits 

* Thanks for being well travelled 

* Thanks for MDART

* Thanks for SDART

* Thanks for sunbathing 

* Thanks for Precious P****

* Thanks for rain on a hot day

* Thanks for cold winter nights 

* Thanks for long hazy summer nights 

* Thanks for being able to drive 

* Thanks for ability to speak little Spanish

* Thanks for my slim figure 

* Thanks for my big boobs

* Thanks for my green eyes 

* Thanks for reasonably nice teeth 

* Thanks for my rare long nails

* Thanks for my love of animals 

* Thanks for my ADHD

* Thanks for my counselling qualification

* Thanks for my karate trophies / medals  

* Thanks for GCSE's / A Level's

* Thanks for C&G's / NVQ's

* Thanks for IOSH / First Aid

* Thanks for rainbows 

* Thanks for thunder and lightening 

* Thanks for my New Beginning tattoo 

* Thanks for my mother / daughter tattoo 

* Thanks for my Tsega tattoo

* Thanks for my Karma /Ohm tattoo

* Thanks for my big, quite new TV

* Thanks for my iPhone 5S (32g)

* Thanks for my iPad 3 (64g)

* Thanks for my DVD player 

* Thanks for my stereos

* Thanks for my gold ring Japan

* Thanks for my gold ring Aunty

* Thanks for my Tiffany ring

* Thanks for my Tiffany necklace  

* Thanks for Louis Vuitton bag

* Thanks for Burberry bag 

* Thanks for DKNY bag

* Thanks for glass sink in bathroom 

* Thanks for my green glass brick wall

* Thanks for making my house 3 beds 

* Thanks for my conservatory  

* Thanks for my new electric wiring 

* Thanks for my purple cupboard for DR

* Thanks ability to have Dressing Room

* Thanks for new cushions / throw 

* Thanks for hot tub

* Thanks for circle seat

* Thanks for garden bar 

* Thanks for circle patio

* Thanks for my apple tree

* Thanks for my white wall

* Thanks ability for ensuite 

* Thanks for halo extensions

* Thanks for contact lenses

* Thanks for nice clothes  

* Thanks for my trainers 

* Thanks for my crystals 

* Thanks for my crystal bible

* Thanks for my patio heater 

* Thanks for my green cat wall sticker  

* Thanks for silver chimney breast

* Thanks for my health

* Thanks for nan S

* Thanks for nan P 

* Thanks for family

* Thanks for the laughter 

* Thanks for friends in the past 

* Thanks for cannabis

* Thanks for sleeping tablets

* Thanks for roller skates  

* Thanks for this blog

* Thanks for my drug addiction 

* Thanks for my life experiences

* Thanks for relationships 

* Thanks for my career 

* Thanks for my education 

* Thanks for my qualifications 

* Thanks for my skills

* Thanks for my beauty 

* Thanks for my intelligence 

* Thanks for wit / sarcasm

* Thanks for drawing / art

* Thanks for my uniqueness 

* Thanks for my nice psychiatric nurses

* Thanks for a nice psychiatrist 

* Thanks for a nice counsellor 

* Thanks for my LED shelf

* Thanks for my wave on mirror  

* Thanks for my patio heater

* Thanks for generous VR

* Thanks for my gold Channel watch 

* Thanks for my love of reading.

❤️ 28th August 2015 - Journal

This post is weird. I doubt it’s genuine. I have zero recollection of taking this product. Also, the fact I wrote ‘it’s fabulous for my ADHD makes me question whether I actually wrote this, as this is not a phrase I’d actually use. If it made such an impact and was so amazing I would remember taking it.

PLEASE REMEMBER MY PHONE HAS BEEN HACKED!! I will research and buy this again before I endorse it.

Ok I've made a discovery.

It's a herbal high, like homeopathy or Chinese herbal medicine. It's called Kanna and it got my attention being an appetite suppressant and stimulant, whilst all the other products where LSD type products.

I was there to buy Kractom to help with my opiate withdrawals upon coming off buprenorphine.

So far I've 

Snorted it 

Smoked it

Sublingual 

It picks you up like a strong coffee, no jitters, no anxiety, removes depression, fabulous for my ADHD.

Plus I'm determined to get back to 8.7lbs / 119lbs and don't want to go back down the legal speed, illegal drugs route.

No more 'I HATE MORNINGS'.

No more let's eat 5 ice creams.

Plus, the best, NO MORE STIMULANT CRAVINGS! No stimulant come down. Makes weed stronger, removing the para.

Some people report clenched jaw and speed symptoms. But not me.

Soothes my ADHD. Let's see if it'll tied me over until I get my methylphenidate 

❤️ 01st September 2017 - Journal

Well I can't remember exactly but the 1st and 2nd of September was also horrendous. We must have got a small sample of speed paste one day and some coke the next.

I ended up taking overdoses on both days I think... needless to say due to that my memory is sketchy.

I ended up consuming 100 zopiclone, 75 propranolol and 30 diazepam. Waking up after each day was truly disappointing.

One night we went out and I was stalked by the public on a big scale. They were holding little lights and kept standing in the distance while I sobbed. Then I saw a crowd of people with a police man, obviously a fake police man... as once I approached, they all hid in bushes.

I asked some of the tormentors for cigarette and was given a stick. Sounds like something my brother's girlfriend would do.

I was trying to get to the police station... which was shut. There was also numerous ambulances driving past and stopping near me. I thought I was going to be sectioned so ended up waiting for one... which never came.

Apparently when I came back I was trying to pull my eyebrow ring out thinking it was a scab. N**** had to carry me to bed.

That's all I can remember. I should have wrote this immediately after.

FJ x

❤️ 09th September 2017 - Journal

Last week was bad! We used every day Monday to Friday. Nigel brought crack home Monday and Tuesday, I bought coke Wednesday and then Thursday both the gram I ordered to N’s and and replacement half a gram (which was sent here! Fucking lucky to get it!!) arrived.

I think the only reason the half arrived here is the bloke on Dream Market said he would resend and I replied saying to send it to N’s address. He clearly had sent it before I sent that message. So my family, expecting it at N’s, didn't intercept my post here.

I also had 3 job interviews... if I don't get one, surely I'm famous again and everyone knows I'm a drug abuser. I definitely got that feeling in my last interview on Thursday.

I'm gutted. That means there's no other option other than moving to Plymouth. I can't start again in London. That's been taken away from me.

Anyway, everything happens for a reason.

Famous J x

❤️ July 2016 - iPad Hacked - Letter To My Abusers

This is why I'm going to kill myself 👍🏽 you're sick. 

You have NO reason to do this. I cannot believe you want me to believe this was a figment of my imagination, yet you're doing this now.

Having your daughter (I was once loved by you. You would do anything to protect me. Now you've killed me and dug my grave already) not just believe she had drug induced psychosis, you want me to think I'm proper crazy! Mentally insane. 

Coz this happensan awful lot of the time when I'm fucking sober these days. I told you, you were pushing me over the edge when I was kept awake when I had my Ritalin a few weeks ago. 

As it goes, I had a 1.5'day break from my Ritalin over this weekend so I'm not especially tired. Even if you do decide you want your daughter to live and do tell the truth, I doubt that I have a life in the UK. 

And I don't think I'll ever have kids. What if I turn on them when they've fucked up in life. What if I Publicly ruin their lives/careers and do nasty evil things to them. What if I turn out as nasty as you? Makes sense to stop the genes spreading doesn't it.

And I thought I was a daddy's girl. 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆. 

I thought my daddy would always go out of his way to love and protect me. But instead he's turned out to be the nastiest, vile, evil sicko father who's tormenting and abuse (coz let's be honest... What you did far surpassed 'psychosis'. 

You pushed it way too far. This isn't tough love. This just shows what a nasty, horrible, person you truly are).I can only conclude you want me dead. You're fully aware when I did this last week you were pushing me to suicide.

You still do damn nasty things like trying to get my spliff wet, and when I realised you were snooping on my calls and messages on my iPad and changed my password to say you were cunts, you have the cheek to get pissed off and change it again so I lose everything on my iPad.

How would you feel if you wrote a diary on your laptop and I logged on every time you were out and read your diary and read your private emails and messages.

The only way I'm going to live is if I get to tell the truth. And that requires you being honest. That way I can earn money and then retain to be a drugs counsellor. 

I would like to have not just a job, but a career. I don't think education is a likely option anymore thanks to you.You could at least let me have a chance to tell the truth and rebuild my career. 

But you won't. Coz you want to take your dirty little secret to your graves.

But don't worry. Before I die i will send my autobiography to every media outlet I can find. Plus along with copies of my suicide notes. In will make sure your reputations get fucked. Just like you did to me. And because I'm dead, I know it'll get published!! 

PARENTS WHO ENCOURAGED THEIR DAUGHTER TO BE MASS STALKED, ALSO TORMENTED HER TO COMMIT SUICIDE

Contrarilyto The Sun article she was not addicted to crack and heroin, this was a lie, she was abusing the legal high ethylphenidate, which is legal Ritalin

She was single female living alone, yet her family, including father who works for the metropolitan police regularly would break and enter to her home and steal items

Her father also drove with a fake number plate in an attempt to hide his vehicle

Whole family ganged up on her when she needed help, including her brothers girlfriend 

The results of their evil behaviour resulted in J (I'm changing my name) having chronic anxiety, paranoia, and concerns about the security of her home

EVERYTHING, EVERY SINGLE THING. 

You'll go down as the worst parents in history especially as will include me practically begging with you to be honest or else there was no way out but my suicide. Everyone will know should you have been honest my death could have been prevented.

And I'll give them mdart's contact details to prove I wasn't on crack and heroin when you told your bullshit story which ultimately ensured I would commit suicide. I can't wait to die, and get the truth out!!! It's the only way I'm going to clear my name. 

Killing myself. (Plus I can't retire as I've been written out of your will, do Daniel get a million pounds that's in this property, plus all your stuff, even the stuff I bought for you, which he'll only chuck, but rather  then let me have keep sakes it's better to go to Daniels bin, but as its from me it's worth shit. 

Anyway, I have no partner to help me and I have no plans to be working until I die). But oh don't you worry, I'll make sure EVERYONE knows every little nasty thing you did to your daughter, your sister. 

3.30am dad goes downstairs with someone or to speak to. Someone. I go but stupidly don't check toilet Leave door open 

4am I'm standing by door. Someone in conservatory is making lights flash my eyes. Put sunglasses on and they make it flash darker. Can still hear commentary  

5.25am dad comes down and shuts my door and goes downstairs. I can hear talking. Could be nice but dim. 

6.15am after coming up and telling mum 'she's awake!!' 

Dad leaves to Work super early with who ever he had in his room to torment me.Why are they doing this to me? - they clearly want you dead. 

That old man was warned this would be the outcome but he Torments you when your Ritalin keeps you awake. When you took nytol.

Why are they so nasty. 

Not long and I'll be free (and dead but being free from this nasty privacy denying life is better than living with them tormenting me for the rest of my life) role on 2017

❤️ September 2010 - I Will Have

* Meet a nice single man, attractive, no kids, decent salary, no baggage, no crazy family, nice car and home

* Move from my flat to his house

* Rent Flat 

* Nice garden at his for cats

* Propose and marriage 

* Long honey moon 

* Pregnant and maternity leave 

* Return to work part time

* Build my own cat rescue