❤️ 24th March 2018 - Journal

The fuckers have struck again. And for what reason...

I don’t know.

So I’ve been kinda taking too much subutex. With N gone, I’ve gone through a whole script which is bad, as I was given him at least 7 x 2mgs. This means I’m up to my prescribed 14mgs and not the 8-12mgs I had been taking.

I know this is due to my use of b, which again, is down to the fuckers, preventing me from buying sleeping tablets (which I take orally... so no real harm there... and they clearly have made ZERO attempt of understanding ADHD, nor have any sympathy for the daily battle I have with trying to calm my head down to sleep).

And... I want to cut down my Ritalin use. 56mg of Concerta is the max dose you should take. Due to my intolerance of the other controlled stimulant medication, the awful reaction to the non stimulant, and my psyche’s refusal to let me try the last instant release stimulant, I’m now on a crazy 90mg a day!!

This kills my crack smoke. Crack now totally mongs me out. I miss the motivation it gave me to conquer tasks which I struggle with daily.

So, I had sorted out my Ritalin and buprenorphine, into one medication bottle and had worked out how to ration this to cut down.

Stupidly, I left it out last night.

This morning, my carefully measured dose, had vanished.

I burst into tears. Without Ritalin I CANNOT FUNCTION!! I am constantly drowsy. I drift in and out of consciousness. I certainly cannot work, care for my pets, nor myself.

Without my buprenorphine. I CANNOT FUNCTION. I will get opiate sick. I CANNOT WORK, CARE FOR MY PETS, NOR MYSELF!

Without the former, I need some other strong stimulant. Caffeine will not cut it. Amphetamine, cocaine... along these lines.

Without the latter, I need another strong opiate. And seeing as a strong OxyContin costs £80, it’s gonna end up being heroin at £20. And with heroin, I’m not wasting it by smoking it. It’ll go in my veins.

I burst into tears. 

I cried so much, I did nothing all day but sleep and cry.

Please, anyone, explain the intended repercussions of them stealing my prescribed medication??

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME TAKING DRUGS.  THEY CLEARLY WANT ME TO DO THIS!