If there were no negative consequences, it would be a super power. Multitasking. Intelligent. Unrealistic ability to connect with others through curiosity, the need to talk and the need to be liked.
But the disability ADHD means the amazing highs are accompanied by the most crushing lows. The stomach churning anxiety, reliving with sickening cringes, remembering events anyone else would have long forgot.
The constant criticism, self doubt, self hate.
The same traits which I adore... talking impulsively, also can mean negative reactions from others.
The lows are debilitating. I sit, engrossed in nothing worth while. Hyper focused on my phone. Desperately trying to occupy my mind with anything other than my self created shame and guilt.
Whilst the highs, surpass any illegal substance, the lows are severe enough to trigger suicide.
ADHD thought - eventually ADHD will evolve to not include these negative traits. The negative will eventually breed themselves out the gene pool with suicide, self harm and neglect for one selves.
They have feed back on the EA’s at work and the number of customer surveys. Out of 15 EAs around 8 featured in a pretty bar graph. 7 people hovered at the 2 mark. One at the 10. It was me.... I was horrified. Rather than view this as a success, I panicked I looked like a saddo who sat at home and fraudulently completed surveys on them self.
‘That graph isn’t correct, I’ve had 10’ said a colleague. I quickly realised they had to scale, reduced the numbers. So if 2 equates to 8, 10 equates to 40.
I emailed my manager I stated I hadn’t done any. I have him both my normal and VPN IP addresses.
I received praise from Mr I Want You Fired manager. The venom was clear, well to me and my stupid empathic nature.
I had a shit morning... too many needy, or upset feeling candidates. So I felt terrible picking up all that energy.
Anyway bored now
J
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