Well they’ve fucked up my life, and I can’t fight anymore guys. Hopefully before I’m sectioned I can get my diaries and update this blog with a lot of info from 2015.
Upon release, I will kill myself.
No ifs. No buts.
So last night, I arrived home to an unlocked door. Had a really bad day at work, so this was enough to have me getting a delivery... drugs not food, of course.
So I started to clean up the mess that’s accumulated in my house. Since selling the house I’ve got a little lazy. Especially upstairs. As long as down stairs is presentable, I’m happy.
However after another weekend from hell with N, needless to say it was a bit of a shit heap.
Anyway. Since having my phone fixed Monday, it’s worked great. No whispering noises. My alarm worked... so I had my phone on charge last night and washed my hair. I left my phone on charge, on the sofa, in the front room.
It was late and by the time I had brought my hair tongs and styling products down stairs it was around 11.30pm.
Then queue 12am.... my phone had vanished. I started to panick, already being super late for work on Monday coz it was smashed to smithereens on Sunday and didn’t work at all.
Therefore I had no alarm, ended up at work midday. Got phoned fixed. All of a sudden the ‘whispering’ had vanished. My phone worked fine. No trouble using TOR. No getting hot.
Great! Few drinks, benzos and ambien.
Yesterday I had a shit day at work. I had a racist customer who really racist and upset me.
But I worked hard, and arrived home tired.... to an unlocked door. I needed no other incentive to buy a smoke.
This gave me some energy and motivation to clean my house, which desperately needed.
As my ADHD has been bad, the moments of calmness has decreased. So an additional stimulant to calm my mind has been a necessity.
Immediately I panicked, searching everywhere. I tried to get N’s PC to work so I could use where’s my iPhone.... no joy. All of a sudden this wouldn’t work.
So I began to search. When upstairs I noticed a pin with about 40mgs of what I assumed was cocaine and blood. It was a dark brown colour. I should have known there’s NO WAY I’d leave a hit of coke. But the junkie in me thought I’d bang it up anyway.
I felt the coke immediately.... then I went down stairs. All of a sudden I felt myself losing consciousness. I began to pass out.
But the thought of my alarm kept me fighting. Stumbling all over the place I decided to secure my back door and bedroom doors with ropes, meaning even with keys, they could not be opened.
By the time I went down stairs my phone was in the middle of the front room floor.
I stupidly neglected to place something in front of the front door.
Hardly able to stay awake I set alarms for 6am, 6.30am and 7am.
By now it was 3.30am.
I awoke at 9.05am and saw the alarm still ringing on my phone.
I immediately panicked. Phoned my old social worker, MDART, screaming historically I would now lose my job. Especially after Monday.
Then my manager phoned. I do have a nasty cut on my toe so told him I had thought I sent an email at 8.30am that I was at my doctors as I believed their was glass in it and they had told me to go St. George’s. I had only realised I hadn’t actually pushed send 5 mins prior to him calling. It was clear I was having a break down.
He told me it was ok and to go hospital.
Then I’ve got the GP calling to see if I wanted to speak to their psyche. Said no fucking way, I’d speak to Dr. P when she was back next week.
Next I had my social worker trying to convince me to see PALS at St. George’s. Again I knew speaking to a psyche would mean a one way ticket to Springfield, so refused.
Spent the whole day in a anxious mess. I finally was out at 2.15pm and lied saying I was waiting for an antibiotic script.
Thankfully when I spoke to my he was understanding.
So it turns out changing my phone screen meant my phone was no longer being hacked.
So they stole my phone, drugged me (knowing I would not leave a pin with a substance in) and kept me up till 3am... just so they can nose on every aspect of my life. And as a result I almost lost my job.
I have also discovered the reason why I kept ‘sleeping’ through my alarms and relying on N to wake me up because my default alarm tone to ‘none’
This has only been a problem since I’ve been working. Clearly they’re trying to sabotage my employment!! What the fuck!!!
Will reach this perfectly fine phone screen tomorrow and change all passcodes and finger prints.
They are lucky I’m fucking smashing my work targets otherwise I would have hung myself if I lost my job.
#itsnotaboutthedrugs
@Gemma_Stalked
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