❤️ Merry Xmas 2017

Just to say Happy Christmas.

I’m pissed. Google has been lying. Said there was pubs open!

Never mind S**** from Uber has just got a nice £5 tip for driving me back. Fuck it! It’s Xmas. He’s got a little baby and is working today. So must need the ££.

I’ve been trying to not have my meds... yeah that hasn’t worked. Yesterday I was in some semi conscious coma, and gave up at 3.30pm and took some. I was sooo snappy and miserable.

I honestly cannot remember the last time I had a full day off. In rehab I would do the coating and maybe a bit later sublingual. And I was only on 56mgs then. So prior to rehab.  

I’m on 90mgs now... and can’t remember the last time I had a full day off.

Even today I started getting chronic anxiety. I didn’t wanna take any as I really wanted to eat dinner. Few pulls of a spliff and I was nearly passing out. The anxiety made me feel sick.

So I took some. Woke up. Felt better. Lost my appetite for dinner. Did ‘force your self to eat coz you know you would be hungry minus Ritalin’, which kills any enjoyment.

Ok, I have a Twitter friend who we shall know as ADHD S. This dude has some major talent, but I’m getting a vibe, he lacks confidence in his abilities as he wrote some BLAM screen play and his idea was nicked.

I’ve literally glanced over his script. I’m dyslexic, so know I need to print this to read it properly.

Anyway, it’s made me realise just how far I’ve got to go, to get my story to the media.

I’m hoping, he’s on Team J! 

I definitely want him in my story.

My idea is...

Telling my life story through my eyes. The audience only sees what I see, and can hear my thoughts. 

I want to include other people’s stories of ADHD intertwined with mine.

I also want ADHD experts, addiction experts, maybe the surrogate mum from my rehab (the manager J****).

Right at the end I’ll look in the mirror and you’ll see me. 

I may struggle to meet anyone in real life.

Oh, good news! My lovely R*** still wants to know me!!

Gotta go... seeing that screen play makes me wanna sort my blog out so I can get to that point. 

Jay x x

#Itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked