Before this incident, me and N had a big bust up. I think the catalyst was N coming and trying it on with me (and being successful on some occasions) when I had been drinking and took zolpidem. Now, Zopiclone and a beer... nothing. You’ve gotta be tipsy for Zopiclone black out. Zolpidem and a mear sniff of booze... that’s it. Memory gone and tales of the craziness that pursued.
Anyway, although my short term memory is crap, I think this subject may have been the initial fuel to the argument’s fire.
I’m sure my insistence on him having his own room in the new place I built increased his anger. This resulted in myself receiving messages saying
N is well aware being alone in his house is fear number one.
So I arranged to see R***, and when N disclosed the above text was a ‘joke’, yet I insisted he spent ONE NIGHT away, as per the aformented text, he went mad, to put it bluntly.
Refused to give Cyra, my bunny back initially also.
So, suicide was at the forefront of my mind.
This was exuberated by my poor performance at work, when i was under the belief my pneumonia was a cold.
Then, I discovered properties I could buy outright in Plymouth, where I went Rehab.
Went to visit one weekend, which proved to be a disaster, as I managed to lock myself out of my iPhone so only arranged one viewing.
The house wasn’t right, the Estate agent was pressuring me to an offer, even though I wanted to view it again. She had a lot of other offers apparently. I’m not rushing a decision to spend £200k, so told her politely to take one of the other offers then, and promptly blocked her number.
Did see my friends, so I knew it was the right decision.
So, last weekend, I found my house!!
My sleeping tablets never arrived again. As a result I’ve been using b... I want the tablets, but bar tablets only heroin is a strong enough sedative to ensure I sleep. Why can’t they fuck off and allow me the tablets.
Also, as they hack my dark net accounts, I feel under the pressure to spend all the money I transfer, for fear of losing it. So end up buying coke, which I don’t really want, but it’s preferable over having my.money stolen.
And, I’m lucky enough to have made two discoveries this week. The door is self unlocking!! This is why it’s unlocked most days I arrive home first. And never unlocked should N arrive first.
Left for work, and the house was still in sight when I remembered my temazepam. I sharply turned back. And the door, I had only locked moments ago, was now unlocked (not open, you can’t get in still, unless you have a key, but it’s not locked).
I’ve got super OCD now about locking the door. So I know I locked it.
So... they’re not in my property! They simply remotely unlock the doors!! Very reassuring as I spent over £100 to change all the locks. And really is the only sensible solution I have come too.
And... my pins being damaged!! I’ve got the answer for that too!! But this story is to be published another day!!
Can’t wait to leave London. Bar N and R***, there’s only one other human who may feel love or strong affection for me... and that’s my niece Precious P. I am yet to, and probably will never, meet baby P.
My colleague who started the same time as me, had resigned during my two weeks of sickness... clearly unable to deal with my candidates, which total around 320, along with her pathetic 150.
She was off all week. I successfully dealt with her candidates and mine.
Finally, when I do feel ready to get clean, once I’ve escaped and am no longer in so much pain, I want this tattoo on my wrist, covering my veins, when I bang up
Couldn’t be more appropriate for me! This means, should I relapse, those veins won’t be accessible. I cannot see veins under my current tatts.
So, to all my haters... I’ll be 36, with an amazing new build 3 bed house and MORTGAGE FREE FUCKERS.
I’m doing better than you, aren’t I? I bet that only contributes to the misery and bitterness that clearly consumes you so much, you believe you behaviour is acceptable.
Bye, the very smug Junkie, who’s actually far from what you have heard and believe, who’s actually, doing much better than the majority of those who dislike her!!!
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