Well I've fucked up big time and I have nothing left anymore.
Made the stupid mistake of ordering ethylphenidate. My Ritalin dose is so low I was falling asleep mid afternoon. Being so excited to go back home I needed energy to pack my belongings.
Well with lovely N’s help we decided to order some of the new ethylphenidate.
Of course my parents (who are definitely not staking me) found out immediately.
Then my brother and my next door neighbour decided to keep breaking into my house Sunday night. Through the bathroom, loft and cupboard under the stairs.
The dad from next door freed the person the trapped in the cupboard. And soon they were all our. Still freaked me out all night. I got no sleep and ended up using all night. Missed work.
On top of that we decided to get a package delivered to work. My manager opened it so bingo.
My heart broke it two. My parents even play psychosis when I'm sober. It's not fair. If I stop they should stop.
I need help. Not just financial. I need them to realise I'm not perfect. I'm gonna fuck up.
Now they want me sectioned. Some where I get no help. No counselling. Nothing for my ADHD.
I want my ADHD treated more than life itself. 56mgs of Concerta and I'm a normal person. Crack and Coke don't work. Ethylphenidate doesn't work. All I want is a spliff at night to chill.
I'm so broken now. I loved my home. But my mum screamed I wasn't broken into I'm just mad Coz the drugs. I'd do anything. I hate the idea of rehab but I'd even do 6 months to keep my home. I'd stay at detox for 3 months.
Get of buprenorphine again and for good.
My home, I wanted to live their forever. I also want them to come and tell the truth me. After rehab when I'm better for good.
Life is worth it for my home.
Otherwise I have no choice but to fight alone. I don't mind people knowing I'm a dirty druggie buf at least let them know I have ADHD. Least let them. Know it's legal Ritalin and not crack and smack.
If I go back there (Springfield) will also No I won't have the Energy to fight any more. Like Sonic the hedgehog it'll be game over. It'll kill me. Especially when I do you want the real help that need.
You've already destroyed and damaged me so badly. I know you hate me mum and dad please don't kill me
I will be out of your life so you might have to be bothered with me anymore. You can finally have your perfect family. I'll save a nice cash fund for Pippa. Either then that I won't bother you anymore.
I'm so tired and broken. I don't have much fight left in me. I have to try. But I'm not good at winning in this game of life.
If this you are the best parents anyone could ever ask for. I'm sorry I'm the worse child. I'm so sorry.
Guess this is good bye. I just hope it's not forever. But that is your calll. I need help but will you give it to me?
I loved you so much.
The worst child ever.
Jay
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