The conversation
Why am I a bitter, twisted person?
This blog is about my crazy drug abuse adventures. Not about finding a tenner in the high street, stroking a kitten, seeing a rainbow, winning a fiver on a scratchy... I could go on.
Generally I will post when something eventful has happened. I have posted about work, about my nieces, about my cat, about how I’m grateful for my best mate.
But YES the majority of my posts are regarding drug abuse, trauma and abuse. What’s the point of blogging a perfectly normal life with no major incidents.
There will be people out there, with drug addiction, or ADHD, or anxiety or whatever, that feel God damn alone. They feel like there’s no one who is going through the same. And, then they realise I’m going through the same. They no longer feel alone. Exiled. They no longer swallow those pills with vodka.
The more people talk about what I’m going through, the less people will kill them selves.
Where is all the hate coming from!
I’m going through something which even with support, love and help, is fucking hard to overcome.
You try doing it with no family. Even if it is just a month trip to your siblings. You imagine not seeing your nephew. Even though you’re not close to your mum, you go with out her hugs, or saying she loves you. You go without being able to run to your dad for protection.
Then.... then..... you realise the horrific about you’re going through is caused by the people your heart aches to badly for.
The pain, I can’t even begin to explain the pain. The hurt. How utterly worthless you feel.
I’m surprised I’m still alive.
The only way to concur this, is to fucking toughen up. Otherwise you’ll be crying your whole life. So whilst I’m polite, kind and considerate... it takes a LOT to knock me down. I’m grateful. I’d be dead otherwise.
If you read as much of my blog as you claim to, you’d be aware of the above. As there is a LOT of hurt, pain and sadness in this blog. A lot more than the hate and anger. But the latter is understandable, considering the experiences I’ve been forced to see.
Apparently someone who I used to work with, who still talks to H, saw me in Tooting, 6-8 weeks ago.
You’re serious, right? I haven’t been to Tooting since September. Before I got my job, yeah, I was a little slender. I was NOT underweight.
I always have my hair done nicely, wear semi designer clothes. I spend £100 on my hair every 6 weeks. It’s rare I don’t wear fake tan.
I wear jewellery costing nearly £1,500. I carry a £1,200 mobile phone.
I fail to see how I would appear desperate and ‘needing help’
My blog is full of hate about my parents?
I tell you what... let’s spend a day / night together. We’ll go out and you’ll notice the attention I get. You notice people stop and talk to me for no reason. You’ll see the bar staff counting every minute I spend in the toilet. You’ll notice people take my photo. N has. R has.
I KNOW I was in the Sun, doing cocaine. Many people have told me.
I know only my family would do this.
I’m trying to sort my life out, move away for my sanity, work hard in my job. They try and jeopardise that. Wouldn’t you be angry?
Glad you’re treating N nice, even if it’s just that you need him.
Yeah, from July 2017 - September 2017, I fucking needed him. More than I ever had before. For the first time in 10 years I needed his financial support. Without it, I would have killer myself.
I didn’t solely rely on him. I did cash £2,500 of my share certificates. But thank God he was here for me. I still own my house for starters.
Also, he cooked, cleaned and did the DIY. When sadness had me almost comatose, he cooked for me. When I came home and laid still on my bed, until darkness consumed not only my room, but my soul, he lit a small flame of hope.
But that’s what friends are for. And as for the financial support, it’s been the other way around for 10 years. I have reaped what I have sown. I supported him and he returned the favour.
You're the one sounding negative. Jealous even.
Perhaps describe him more kindly?
WTF? Tell the world what you used to call him, when YOU were using him for shelter and sex!! Hobbit wasn’t it? Ugly wasn’t it? I could go on.
There’s been very few posts which I have written recently where I am angry with N.
My blog isn’t is sequential order. Each post is dated. Read the date.
Pacing up and down at a bus stop in Tooting?
Even at 3am the streets of Tooting are chaotic where the bus stops are. Therefore it would be nearly impossible to pace. Plus crowds give me anxiety, so I avoid them.
Anyway the offer is there for a day out with me. Hit me up on my blog.
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