Ok I've had a disgusting binge. It's times like this that make me realise I need rehab.
I've binged since Saturday night.
But while I'm disgusted at myself I want to remind myself of my last binge.
The first of June. Ethylphenidate. Banging up ten times a day for over a week.
No shame at the end of my last binge, just exhaustion. And even sadness that my binge had to end.
Now, this binge has been half coke (injected) and half crack (smoked).
2 days not 7 (or was it 10).
Shame and disgust at my behaviour.
So please, if anyone plans on punishing me for being a dirty junkie, I already regret my behaviour.
When I used ethylphenidate, I never wanted to stop. I just suddenly saw myself having to inject myself for ever.
Now I see someone who needs to go rehab. No matter how much I don't want to go.
I don't plan on using so much, for a long time. I've got my using bug out of me.
Even when I smoked crack, I'd have times where I binged.
So although this is a fail, it's an improvement.
I've recently started getting very strong cravings for speed. But I haven't acted on them. I desperately want to buy benzos and kractom to help me come off subbies, but no I have to buy them online so I avoid the shop.
I am a loser. But I'm also a winner.
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