Friday - 7.11pm
I'm not going to send this as I'm forcing myself to hold a grudge as you wouldn't talk to me today.
R***, my head is scaring me. I'm either furious angry, consumed with starving myself, chronically miserable and depressed or thinking about suicide.
I'm scared I'm going to do something stupid. Really scared.
The only time I get relief from these scary thoughts is when I'm intoxicated. Which is breaking the bank. And not a solution.
I want to tell Dr. P, but I'm scared I'll be sectioned. There's no help in the nut house.
But I'm scared if I don't tell anyone and am not locked up I'll do something stupid.
This is like when I wasn't sleeping on ethylphenidate, bar all the positive the ethylphenidate gave me. I'm beginning to get mild hallucinations and I'm getting more paranoid.
I know I just need sleep. But the GP won't prescribe sleeping tablets to a junkie. I'll get another awful anti psych which will only do this again when I stop.
I'm buying some temazepam, so maybe I'll sleep and be ok.
If not I'll send you this.
A very frightened J
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