My craving will remain a craving as my beloved Ritalin substitute was now illegal to sell as a temporary ban had been placed on the substance.
My parents, by threatening to have me re-sectioned, scared me into handing over the last of my supplies I had purchased, along with my works. My gear had been cut with various substances (by mum and dad, under the guise of psychosis), and at the point of submission what I handed over contained little ethylphenidate anyway.
So I did what is almost unheard of. J**** The Junkie, handed her gear and her works over. These two components had become a vital requirement for my survival. My heart ached upon completion of this momentous act, and had not relented after 5 days after this achievement.
However my parents remained unimpressed. Another token for the sadness already at monumental levels within me.
I never though it was possible to be so miserable. A black cloud flooded my life, no matter how sunny it was outside, I felt an unbearable sadness. I never believed it was possible to feel this sad prior to 2013.
I had thought, this act would enable them to feel minute hints of pride at my efforts. I was left disappointed; a feeling I had grown accustomed to over the past 33 years of my life.
I had also managed not to inject any substances for the past five days. I couldn't imagine achieving such a feat in a long time. I still had easy access to drugs such as diamorphine (heroin) and crack cocaine, so my needle fixation could be easily met.
Last Friday Dr. P** or B**** my drug addiction psychiatrist said it would be likely I would not be offered my beloved Concerta back again due to my history of stimulant abuse (albeit self medicating my blasted ADHD). I pleaded offering her three months of sobriety by enduring imprisonment in rehab for the little grey tablets that make me normal. I would do anything for Concerta. As a stimulant it stops my obsessive stimulant use. As an ADHD sufferer, it also is a sleep aid. Yes stimulants make me sleep. My brain works in reverse, if I take the instant Ritalin, 2 hours later I'm asleep.
The only time in my adult life I haven't abused stimulants is when prescribed methylphenidate. Crack doesn't work so is rendered useless. My anxiety evaporates. My busy head concentrates and is focused. My hatred and self doubt, which eats into the very soul of my existence, fades away leaving a confident, happy, conscious human being who loves her life ensuring she's kind and has good karma.
The sedative removes my cannabis and benzodiazepine consumption.
Methylphenidate is like crack minus the euphoria, tacaccardia and if neglecting opiates, the lasting misery upon coming down.
So Concerta, AKA, the pill that makes me normal, is worth me achieving something I haven't done since being aged 16 or under. That's being drug free in case you lost the gist.
No Concerta... Well a new legal high's been released
4-Methylmethylphenidate
#iwillbefamous #thetruth #Itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked
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