❤️ 04th July 2017 - Journal

Well I saw the fuckers trying to leave last night at 1 AM. Orion escaped so I had to leave the window or door open. Which meant they couldn't leave. Haha fuckers!!

Should the press all the police investigate my murder, that you were in Pipewell Road. The first house on the street on the right hand side when you look from my house. Now their actions have resulted in my death, this is the murder case. I highly doubt Tom Dick or Harry is going to live for them now.

OMG! I've taken Adderall. I feel so normal. Last night I took four Propranolol. I was wrecked today. The Adderall hasn't given me any energy or motivation. But I am so serene. My head is deafly still and quiet. I have no anxiety. It's amazing. I know the Adderall isn't real either. I have no speedy effects whatsoever I'm just calm.

❤️ How It All Went Wrong (Thanks To My Family)

1) Their constant surveillance made my ADHD worse and made me miserable. So naturally I wanted to use drugs to self medicate.

2) They also stalked me when I was sober and clean, to made me want to use it to give them something to fucking watch.

3) I have seen them previously put little speakers under my floorboards from next door's house. I am now dead due to murder my neighbours should be able to confirm this. This gives the impression that somebody else is in the house whispering.

4) Although I ignore this it's still effects N badly. My parents know that N sorts me drugs. However, he fancies me and the response lead him to believe I am hiding man in the house.

5) Queue massive arguments. N is no longer talking to me and won't get any drugs.

6) So I set up a bit coin account and purchase from Silk Road 

7) As i'm under constant surveillance and my phone is hacked to I'm aware they know about my order. So I don't get it delivered to my address. They also frequently enter my property without permission and deny this. I have intercepted my post before. So are used my work address.

8) My Manager opens my post

BLAM

GAME OVER

❤️ Game Over

As you are aware I've fucked up my life, so it's game over.  If you're reading this I can only assume I've been successful with regards to suicide. Yay! I'm dead!

This blog will contain my thoughts, feelings,  my suicide letters, documented abuse and information from previous diaries and memories.

This blog also document what I want to be done with my stuff.

For starters, I want the world to know, I am tired of their games. So tired I saw no other way out, other than death. They know this but they still carried on. I felt pity for a school boy who committed suicide after relentless bullying. Then I realised what I'm going through is worse. Not only am I relentlessly bullied, but it is also the people who should give me solace from behaviour like that. 

Not only am I tired, but there is no respite. it was inevitable it would go this way. I can only assume they want me dead, Else why did you keep pushing me away. You pushed me when I was in opiate withdrawal, olanzapine withdrawal, when I'm sober after rehab. Is it any wonder I returned to drugs?

You made me miserable... so Iused.

You gave me anxiety... so I used.

You made my ADHD worse... so used.

You stopped me sleeping... so I used.

You made me paranoid... so I used.

You made me scared of you and my own home... so I used.

I don't actually like HAVING to use. I like wanting to use. You made me do the former.

If you just left me alone I'd still be here.

So goodbye. I hope you're happy. I am. I finally know the truth and I never have to see you again. Because you're all going to hell for what you've done.

❤️ In The Event Of My Suicide

If you have been alerted to this blog, I am dead. I committed suicide, but it's not really suicide. I believe it's murder. I believe my family tormented me and tormented me, until I killed myself. They denied this and claim it's drug induced psychosis. But they never stop.

I had psychosis when I was clean. I had psychosis when I was in opiate withdrawal. I had psychosis when I was in olanzapine withdrawal.  I had psychosis from taking Nytol. I had psychosis after rehab. 

I didn't have psychosis at all when I went away for two emergency detoxes.  Nor gwhen I was in Springfield. Even though I was still chronically abusing speed, benzos and weed. I smuggled my works in and was injecting just as much speed in there as I was using on the outside. I didn't have a psychosis in rehab. Know if I used excessively outside my home or their home.

I do know I do not have psychosis. I know all of these sick evil things are done by my family. So I'm going to document them for you.

If I am truly mad, please use this information to write an article on the dangers of drug abuse and my subsequent downfall and suicide.

However, if indeed I am correct, I was in the Sun and my family did arrange for me to be mass stalked, abused me,  tormented me and traumatised me. This should make an interesting read. 

Seeing as the Daily Mail briefly followed me on Twitter at the height of my fame, I suspect the latter is true.

I have made everyone aware of this blog prior to taking a massive drug overdose. I am dead now. Unless my family admit they are tormenting me and have called an ambulance. 

Facebook details of the sick things they have done and the subsequent kind in my mental health. Even though my family are well aware of what they are doing and the result of their actions are my suicide. This blog proves they want me dead. They could have stopped and left me alone that they pushed and pushed me. 

I did not commit suicide I was murdered.

By my family!

When I needed them most they destroyed me. It broke me. I used to love them so much. Now I am scared of them. I am petrified.

I am scared of my own home, due to their own relentless disgusting behaviour. They have driven away the one person I had supporting me. My fear of my lack of privacy and the misery they cause me was the catalyst for the whole mess which occurred prior to my death.

They have destroyed me.

If I was a normal 36-year-old, I could have picked myself up, told them some bullshit and carried on. Not having any privacy has killed me. Having people enter my property and leaving my front door unlocked, or moving my belongings around, or leaving a big window open so my beloveds cat could've escaped, destroyed me.

Do you know my cat is the only thing keeping me alive. If that doesn't prove they want me dead I don't know what does. 

So enjoy reading the truth (not the bullshit in the Sun) about the worlds evilest parents.

❤️ 22nd August 2017 - Journal

Today I woke up to a letter posted through my letter box. As if the postman had been. Only for the postman to arrive about half an hour later and put two items through my door. The first letter was a letter about stopping my mortgage for two months. Clearly someone had taken it and read through it. 

I am really sad about leaving London, but little things like this remind me I have no choice.

I was also at the library trying to apply for a job, but my stupid security camera kept on moving and I couldn't get it to face the door again. This caused so much anxiety because they keep coming into my house without permission, I had to leave.

I am going to buy alcohol now.... anything to releave these horrible feelings I am subjected to daily, because of them. 

❤️ 2017 - THE TRUTH

Ok, here we go. This is being written especially for the residents of Pershore Grove who have done their upmost to enable my family to torment, abuse, stalk and harass me.

Here is the TRUTH!!

Ok, firstly, I have got myself into a bit of a mess. However, if my friends weren't tormented and I had privacy and security in my home, this mess would not have happened in the first place.

I'm a 36 year old woman. It's my human right to have privacy.  I should also be able to feel secure in the home I worked hard for and I purchased!!

However thanks to you supporting my parents, I am faced with no other choice but to sell my and move far far away to escape their abuse.

For starters, I spent 14 weeks in rehab, but that wasn't good enough for my family. Upon leaving they still watched me 24-7 . The manager of the rehab was even going to let me stay the additional two weeks even if I didn't receive the funding, as she was so concerned about me returning back to living with them. 

I'm not going into what happened, but ultimately I lost my job due to their abuse and lack of personal boundaries.

Yes, I did have a period where I was using a lot of drugs. But that stopped. However they didn't.

They continued to torment me to the point my friend has to live with me so I was able to get some respite. They would constantly whisper when I was in the house alone, reading everything I do on my phone and watching me 24-7. I cannot use the bathroom, have sex or masterbate without being watched.

As I'm in financial difficulty I thought I would sell MY share certificates to help me get through this period. However I stupidly mentioned this in my house and they disappeared. 

My family are well aware should my money run out, suicide is likely. I can only come to the conclusion they clearly want this, or why steal my share certificates. Not so much a loving family eh?

They steal items from my home, only to replace them the next day. They clearly want me to think I'm mad. I already have ADHD and mental health issues. Would a loving family who care about me want to make these issues worse??

There's no respite for staying clean. Nope, none at all. I stay clean and I'm still tormented. After a few days I am desperate for a break of these negative torrential feelings. Can you really blame me for using?

They make me constantly feel anxious. It's well know anxiety is a major cause of drug abuse. If they wanted me to stay clean, why give me so much anxiety??

I feel so desperately sad due to their behaviour. They know this. There's many a time, when I know I'm being watched, I've pleaded with them to knock on my door and tell me the truth and I'll stop injecting and using hard drugs. They never knock on my door. I feel so constantly sad. Again, why would they continue to make me so sad that I will do anything for respite?

Their behaviour makes both my ADHD and OCD worse. Again, they know that self medicating these conditions is what brought me to drug addiction in the first place. Yet they continue to make both of these conditions worse.

All it took was one relapse! My first relapse after detox and this crazy behaviour started.

Let me ask you all, do you really deem constant surveillance on a 36 year old necessary? And it's not just the surveillance. It's the whispering , the noises in my house, the stealing things, the unlocking of my front door when I've just paid £100 for new locks.

This IS NOT about drugs. They clearly want me to think I'm mad. And they clearly want me to kill myself.

They've spent thousands turning my dream home into a house of horrors. The people who should be helping me in times of need. But instead, all they've done is push and push me to use all for a blissful few hours of respite.

I went to north London for a treatment I booked and I was even stalked there with some bloke watching me and saying aloud 'YEAH, SHE'S GOT BLONDE HAIR'

I've caught them on camera stealing from me and I've caught a family member I do not talk to entering my property. I did have a really good incriminating video, but of course they went to extreme measures to make sure this was deleted off my phone and online account. Their stupid secret and game is what is important here. Not me... not me staying clean.. not me picking myself up and finding new employment... nope none of that. Their game of abuse and torment is all that matters.

I try to stay clean. But after a day spent job searching when you come home to a glass of wine and are trying to watch TV in peace, only to still be tormented, it's not hard to see why I crack.

Yes, I have a problem with addiction, but addicts need support, or else they relapse. Not only do I not get any support but my family actively continue to abuse and torment me. Is it any wonder I relapse??

Yesterday I tidied up, did some craft projects, visited my mother in hospital. Came home, watched TV and went to bed. And as soon as my friend was asleep they started making noises appear to come from down stairs in my house!!! What have I done to deserve this? I didn't use. Why make their single 36 year old daughter scared to be in her own home??

They are nasty pieces of work and all you've done is enable them. 

I will ALWAYS have additional mental health problems because of my family. I will always be paranoid.

I don't even want to go for job interviews or to look for work because I come home to an unlocked door. They clearly don't want me to find employment.

So thank you all for ensuring I am a complete outcast. For believing their lies. They are not concerned in the slightest about me, my wellbeing or myself staying clean. All they want to do, is make me think I am mad!! Tough love?? No, sick, warped, twisted, evil behaviour!!

Please please look at what you have witnessed and look at what I have written above and answer honestly... is this treatment normal? Would you do this to your adult children? Especially if they needed support and help. Would you undertake behaviours which only increas their drug use? Would you have your single adult daughter stalked by strange men? Would you make her petrified to be in her own home? Would you watch your adult children 24-7? Would you steal from them? Take their post? Go through everything, right down to their rubbish? (I noticed my rubbish was regularly tampered with when I was stuck living in their house). Would you hack their phones? Read every single text, email and listen to every phone call? To the point where I have to wait until I leave the house to deal with my business.

All I want is to be happy. I was happy in rehab. I craved drugs around 4-5 times in 14 weeks. They know I'm not happy now and they go above and beyond to ensure I remain that way.

They are the sickest family in history. I am so sad I got stuck with them, instead of a family who cares about me.

But, the good news is, if you're reading this I'm finally free!! I've either moved very far away or I've killed myself!! Either way, I'm incredibly happy, I'm free from my abuse and I'm in a better place now.

Feel free to read the rest of this blog to see the other sick things they've done.

Love The Junkie with a kind heart who you all ran out of town.

#Itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked 

❤️ 16th February 2016 - BEST NEWS EVER

My home is going to be rented for a year allowing me the 3 months required to go to rehab! I'm so pleased. I wanted that to be my forever home.

It can be rented for quite a lot meaning my parents can have some of their money paid back which is a huge relief to me. I'll only be paying the mortgage £450 and council tax (£160 at the moment due to missed payments during my bad period) £90.

I'm going to claim Universal Credit which is the ESA version in my area. 

Mind you I've just been emailed about two fantastic jobs.... They could be short term so I've said I'm interested. Plus it'll take 1-2 months to sort rehab and I can always detox in the community again.

I just want the old me back again. 

But I know I need rehab.

Maybe there's one with day release so I can work??

I'd rather do a temp job and detox in the community and when the job finishes, go to rehab.

I'd rather be normal and not have to go rehab at all. But to be a normal person (who only smokes weed and indulges in a line of sniffed Charlie at special occasions), I think I do need rehab.

I also desperately need a decent amount of methylphenidate. Which rules out the Charlie, as when on a decent amount Coke doesn't work. 

It was so weird when I was on a proper dose of methylphenidate before. I'd wake up with no anxiety or negative thoughts. Opening post didn't bring an impending sense of doom. Getting 4 emails, a knock on my office door and a phone call at the same time didn't stress me. 

Haha! My father didn't stress me. The only drug free period in my life was the 3 months I was on a decent dose of methylphenidate and before I began experimenting with intravenous drug use.

If I had the Delorian I'd go back to then and tell myself never to pick up a needle.

Today I searched for homes I could afford  to buy out right and was presented with a list of mobile homes miles away from my family. Although I despise their actions when I use legal highs, I realised I didn't want to be so far away from them. Especially my mum. 

On a sad note my rabbit Fyver has been eaten by a fox. I'm so gutted. Fluffy his girlfriend is well sad and lonely. I know I can't get her a companion until I'm back in my own house. Maybe after rehab, but not for a good 6 months. I've lost 3 pets in just over a year.

RIP

Cyran - bunny

Tsega - cat

Fyver - bunny

Anyway I'm counting my blessings. I still have my forever home. I hope my father makes it secure as he promised me. I'll still change the locks when I finally move back in.

But I don't have to move miles away into a mobile home! I'm happy. 

❤️ 12th February 2016 - Living On a Prayer

Well I still pray my parents just come and tell me I'm not mad, never have been and they've made mistakes. They don't have to say any thing further.

V

They could go back to The Sun and do an article on how I want detox and rehab. I'm sure the Sun would pay and I could go now rather than wait on the crappy NHS.

Other than detox and rehab I want to be on a proper dose of Ritalin. I'd give my arm to have the correct dose of my meds. I need a high dose 56mgs-72mgs. I'm on 18mgs so you can guess how well 

It's working. By 2pm I'm falling asleep. It hurts knowing than rather than make the tremendous effort they made to make me think I was mad, they could have helped instead. 

I don't know what has happened to the mummy and daddy I grew up with but they are gone.

In their place are two scary monsters who go above and beyond to gang up on me and try and make me think I'm mad instead of helping me.

My dad's eyes give away each of his lies. I hope he suffers for swearing on my precious P's life. My mum just shouts she's paying my bills! Yeah the financial help has been amazing. Having a mummy to hug and a daddy to tell me it will be ok hasn't.

I want my family back.

This is why I think I must be the worst person to live. Murderers parents still stand by them.

Mine go tell the world I'm a disgusting junkie who must be tormented at any opportunity. 

I've been spat at, people swap seats so they don't have to sit next to me on the tube. People shout out 'CRACK / SMACK HEAD!' At me. This is shit too because I was a crack / smack £100 a day junkie and I won that battle.

The newspapers haven't told the truth about me. They don't know I self medicate with legal Ritalin. I don't mind people knowing the truth. My parents brought me up to be honest.

I know they're reading this and probably watching me too. I'm so broken, I need their help and I want the truth told. They'd rather carry on and act like nothing has happened. And of course torment me if I do use. Which just makes me sadder... Which just makes me use more.

I think I won't bother renting my home for a year and trying again in the UK. I'm gonna sell my 'forever' home ASAP. 

You can buy an apartment in the Caribbean for £20,000 in a complex with a pool. I have equity of about £100,000 plus profit. My house is provably worth £80,000 more now. My parents can have their money back with interest. And me... I'll make their dreams come true and vanish. No more black sheep to tar the family. 

I could buy 3-4 apartments and rent 3 out for income. In a country where I can be blonde again. 

So many people were interested in offering me work until they met me when I had blonde hair. 

I'm a celebrity but a hated on. One man even pretended to be deaf when I petted his dog (then made a phone call probably updating whoever on my location once I'd walked off)

I'd never do this to any of my family. I just wish one of them... Only one... Realised it isn't as easy as the films make it out to be.

I hate being a drug addict. I hate myself so much. But I cannot help my brain soothing when I do use stimulants. In a way I hope they encounter more people with ADHD and try and realise it isn't just in my head. 

I give anything not to have it.

Without it my drugs phase would have ended in my 20's like my mates. I still have a beautiful home. And car.

I'm so broken right now and really want to sleep but can't as I know people will be in here removing and evidence I have to prove my sanity. 

I will fight for the truth... But I'm already broken, can never be fixed properly and am running out of fight.

See, I just heard a noise by the airing cupboard. I wish they would leave me to sleep... Not that I feel safe.

The less they torment me, the less drugs I'm gonna use. Why do people use drugs?

Social party aspect I know, but normally to mask other feelings. Numb the pain.

I'm petrified they will lie and get me sectioned again. If so that puts detox and rehab even further back. I will not last and simply will buy a load of pills and top myself.

I do love my cat so much, but I have NOTHING else to live for any more. 

I know it's all my fault. I fucked up. But I though my mum and dad would make it better. Not worse.

I really think they want me dead.

Mum, dad, I'm so sorry you got me as your kid. In so sorry I'm such a failure. I'm so sorry you hate me so much you wanted me to think I was mad so you could lock me away. I'm so sorry I'm so awful you'd rather my suicide than you tell the truth. 

I hope some of the money from the Sun has been saved for Fat Cunt and Nice But Dim to try for another baby. If not what I leave behind give them enough for a go. I want Precious P to have a sibling. And I'll make sure it's a damn good one and they get on so well, unlike me and my bro 😥

I'm gonna forget the last 3 years and remember you as the brilliant family you were before all this shit.

I'm so sorry 

So so sorry. You deserve better than me. 

❤️ 08th February 2016 - Orphan Jay

Well I'm officially an orphan. Will sign my beautiful forever home over to my parents and get the council to house me. I hope I don't have to lose my real family Orion, Fyver and Fluffy, but the last two are rabbits so doubt I can keep them. 

It makes me so sad. I have no friends who aren't on 'their' side either.

They are so ashamed of being discovered when I sleep they steal any evidence I find. They delete all the emails from lawyers willing to represent me before I can contact them. They read this blog so they know if I can't clear my name I'm gonna take a massive dose of pills and kill myself. 

Unlike every other parent in the world, their lie is more important than their child. I pray to God each night they'll be truthful and do a final article in the Sun telling the truth with me but my prayers are never answered.

I could cry myself to sleep every night. Why don't my mummy and daddy want me??

Clearly I'm the worst human to ever live. More worse than rose and Fred West. Myra Hindley's mother loved her more than mine does.

If I can get a Laywer on my unlawful section and get to stay in my home I'll have a reason to carry on. If I can get a Laywer and take my equity I'll carry on in another country. But they will never see me again.

Gonna sign off as I haven't slept properly got for 4 days so gonna sign off.

Will update you on the other evil things they have done.

Night night my beautiful world. Hope I'm not forced to leave you right now.

Love Jay 

I'm changing my name and divorcing them too if I do get a chance live 

❤️ February 2016 - GOODBYE MY LOVERS

Well I've fucked up big time and I have nothing left anymore.

Made the stupid mistake of ordering ethylphenidate. My Ritalin dose is so low I was falling asleep mid afternoon. Being so excited to go back home I needed energy to pack my belongings. 

Well with lovely N’s  help we decided to order some of the new ethylphenidate.

Of course my parents (who are definitely not staking me) found out immediately. 

Then my brother and my next door neighbour decided to keep breaking into my house Sunday night. Through the bathroom, loft and cupboard under the stairs.

The dad from next door freed the person the trapped in the cupboard. And soon they were all our. Still freaked me out all night. I got no sleep and ended up using all night. Missed work. 

On top of that we decided to get a package delivered to work. My manager opened it so bingo. 

My heart broke it two. My parents even play psychosis when I'm sober. It's not fair. If I stop they should stop. 

I need help. Not just financial. I need them to realise I'm not perfect. I'm gonna fuck up.

Now they want me sectioned. Some where I get no help. No counselling. Nothing for my ADHD.

I want my ADHD treated more than life itself. 56mgs of Concerta and I'm a normal person. Crack and Coke don't work. Ethylphenidate doesn't work. All I want is a spliff at night to chill.

I'm so broken now. I loved my home. But my mum screamed I wasn't broken into I'm just mad Coz the drugs. I'd do anything. I hate the idea of rehab but I'd even do 6 months to keep my home. I'd stay at detox for 3 months.

Get of buprenorphine again and for good.

My home, I wanted to live their forever. I also want them to come and tell the truth  me. After rehab when I'm better for good.

Life is worth it for my home.

Otherwise I have no choice but to fight alone. I don't mind people knowing I'm a dirty druggie buf at least let them know I have ADHD. Least let them. Know it's legal Ritalin and not crack and smack.

If I go back there (Springfield) will also No I won't have the Energy to fight any more. Like Sonic the hedgehog it'll be game over. It'll kill me. Especially when I do you want the real help that need.

You've already destroyed and damaged me so badly. I know you hate me mum and dad please don't kill me

I will be out of your life so you might have to be bothered with me anymore. You can finally have your perfect family. I'll save a nice cash fund for P. Either then that I won't bother you anymore. 

I'm so tired and broken. I don't have much fight left in me. I have to try. But I'm not good at winning in this game of life.

If this you are the best parents anyone could ever ask for. I'm sorry I'm the worse child. I'm so sorry.

Guess this is good bye. I just hope it's not forever. But that is your calll. I need help but will you give it to me?

I loved you so much.

The worst child ever.

Jay