12th June 2018 - Journal Part 2

Well today I  had a little smoke for my bday.  I haven't had money in ages.

And queue the gas lighting.

I've put sticky tape over the sockets, so naturally they played a sound on their stupid speakers which sounded like the tape being removed.

All that effort for a pitiful £20 smoke.

CUNTS.

12th June 2018 - Journal Part 1

House sale is complete!!!!

Victim Support said I could get an injunction.  Was quite shocked and sickened at the abuse I have suffered for the past 4 years.

I'm so happy.

Stalking and harassment injunction
Theft
Illegal entry
Destroying property
Emotional abuse
Financial abuse
Physical health through damp (most likely caused by the shit they have done to my house in order to be able to access it at numerous points)
Abuse of government IT systems (I have no doubt my father is abusing the IT systems at the Met Police to abuse me)
Hate crime (the hate campaign)

18th April 2012 - Journal

If God does exist, he's a cruel fucking bastard.  Why take life from those who want to live and make those who have nothing to live for, live?

Please let me die and give my life to someone who would appreciate it more.

I have nothing to live for.  No partner, no children, few friends.  I work to pay bills for a place I hate.  I am miserable, sad and depressed.

(UPDATE 2018 - This was just before I sold my flat and moved into the house of horrors... Like literally just before I took an offer.  I had the neighbours from hell upstairs intentionally making my life a misery with noise.  It's quite sad actually, I don't think I've been happy since 2011)

20th May 2015 - Journal

I'm so excited about the possibility I could get my methylphenidate back.

There's another drug I could take but it takes 6 weeks to work. So I'll probably use while taking it and unlikely to stop when it does kick in.

For me methylphenidate renders crack and cocaine useless. This is what I need. It works immediately and soothes my schizo brain.

So guess I'm off to rehab. I need to wean off my buprenorphine and may go back to detox to do the last jump.

Currently I'm 6.8mgs. Next week 6mgs and I may do week after 4mgs and next

Week 2mgs.   Then possibly detox for  

4 Days 1.8mgs 

4 Days 1.4mgs 

4 Days 1mgs  

4 Days .8mgs 

4 Days .4mgs

But on the outside I've got the herbal high Kractom to help with the drops. It's a plant that attaches to the opiate receptors but isn't an opiate.

It's addictive but not for someone like me with a huge tolerance. It's short acting so lasts 4-6 hours and I'll need to take 4-6 capsules each 4-6 hours. I'll only need it for 2-3 days each week when the drop kicks in. It takes 2-3 days to notice a drop.

Plus I'll have the legal high benzos 

Etizolam 

Diclazepam 

Flubromazepam  

Pyrazolam (There's a few new ones too)

This can help me with the anxiety, restlessness and sleeplessness.

I'm really trying on this one as although I can see me using drugs later in life. I'm fed up with opiate addiction.

Fingers crossed 

Untitled Note - 2015

Am I not your real child?  I've always felt safer at N's.

Last night he roughed me up.

Why did you take him?

All those dodgy screws are now in his flat

Fat Cunt and him tag team of torment

Letter to 'Psychosis' AKA My Family - 2015

Dear Psychosis

Firstly 'dad' psychosis, you are an evil man.  I found your cameras in the wall sockets.  I found the weird screws in the bathroom.

The whispering stops (UPDATE 2018 - they continue to do this to today, it's gas lighting in its finest, they also used the hacked mobile to do this).  

Mum - you are a bitch.  You want your baby.  Well caught out.  Now don't lie, just don't speak.

1 - Allow me peace.  Why is it whenever I'm alone in the park, a fucking helicopter suddenly appears above (2018 - this is no joke, I even had one hovering outside my bedroom window for ages once)

2 - Stop those stupid 4 x 4's who play noises like helicopters (2018 - again, this wasn't in my head unfortunately)

3 - Actors playing your game
Looking out for me
Getting out their phones
Getting anxious when I clock them (2018 - this is the junkettes, AKA, the dick heads who believe the destruction of my mental wellbeing is appropriate support for someone trying to reach sobriety)

Untitled Note - 2015

Another hand written note for them to read, clearly at another suicidal point in my life.

I'll be free from pain, regain privacy, be rid of you (miss Orion and Fyver)

Fyver needs a mate (rabbits must be two)

Find Orion a new home, I know you don't like him coz he cries.

Sell my goods so money for Fyver and Orion

You would be totally retarded to abuse them (save that for the unwanted family member... me)

Untitled Note - 2015

This is one of my notes from when I knew they were watching me with their stupid light bulb cameras.

'Being the 'mad' loser I am, I'm staging a protest.

What do I want?
The TRUTH
When do you want it?
Depends when you want your (ripped... but appears to be hostage) back!

Most probably in relation to taking the witch's jewellery.

29th March 2018 - Evidence of Abuse

Got speed last night.

Next day, 6 alarms and not one goes off for work.

18th August 2017 - Dear Jo @ Samaritans

Update 2018 - This is one of the many drafts I have written to Jo at the Samaritans.  I never completed it.

Hi

This is a long story, but I need to talk to someone. I am so close to giving up, I can't take anymore and no matter what I do, they don't stop!

It all started back in late 2014 early 2015. Unfortunately during 2014 I became addicted to a legal high called ethylphenidate. I have ADHD and I take Ritalin now, which is methylphenidate.

Of course ethylphenidate had a great effect on me when I first started using in May 2013, but I quickly became addicted and by March 2014 I was injecting large amounts daily. 

I visited a friend in July 2014 and she found a needle. Clearly she reported back to my family as they're friends on Facebook, and this is when it all started.

Things started going missing in my house. I'd find windows open I had left closed and locked doors unlocked. As they thought it was my friend who got me into injecting drugs (it wasn't, I got him into injecting), they went out of their way to destroy our relationship. He fancies me, so they some how managed to convince him I was hiding a man in the house.

I also managed to become infected with scabies during this time, so with being accused of doing things I wasn't doing, being bitten to infinitely with oozing wounds that wouldn't heal, on top of what I've mentioned above, needless to say my mental health deteriorated.

By November 2014 my parents 'officially' found out about my drug use and I went to detox. I would be dead if I had not gone. I was only weighing 7 stone when I was admitted and I'm 5'6.

Anyway I wasn't ready to stop using and when I came out I relapsed. This is when everything started to go really crazy. 

Firstly my LinkedIn was getting an insane amount of views. Really crazy. And my friends on Facebook started to drop like flies, including family members. For no reason apparently if you ask my family.

Then, when ever I was in there house I knew I was being watched. At first, they would wait until they believed I was asleep. Then I would hear my dad go into my mum's room and watch a video clearly of me banging up drugs. I would hear them cry. One day I didn't use and I can remember hearing my mother say 'oh she didn't use'.

This quickly progressed to live cameras. I would hear my parents react when I was injecting drugs all the time.

Soon they added speakers to the mix meaning I could now hear them. This only happened when they were 'out' or 'in Bed' and never happened when they were both watching