18th August 2017 - Dear Jo @ Samaritans

Update 2018 - This is one of the many drafts I have written to Jo at the Samaritans.  I never completed it.

Hi

This is a long story, but I need to talk to someone. I am so close to giving up, I can't take anymore and no matter what I do, they don't stop!

It all started back in late 2014 early 2015. Unfortunately during 2014 I became addicted to a legal high called ethylphenidate. I have ADHD and I take Ritalin now, which is methylphenidate.

Of course ethylphenidate had a great effect on me when I first started using in May 2013, but I quickly became addicted and by March 2014 I was injecting large amounts daily. 

I visited a friend in July 2014 and she found a needle. Clearly she reported back to my family as they're friends on Facebook, and this is when it all started.

Things started going missing in my house. I'd find windows open I had left closed and locked doors unlocked. As they thought it was my friend who got me into injecting drugs (it wasn't, I got him into injecting), they went out of their way to destroy our relationship. He fancies me, so they some how managed to convince him I was hiding a man in the house.

I also managed to become infected with scabies during this time, so with being accused of doing things I wasn't doing, being bitten to infinitely with oozing wounds that wouldn't heal, on top of what I've mentioned above, needless to say my mental health deteriorated.

By November 2014 my parents 'officially' found out about my drug use and I went to detox. I would be dead if I had not gone. I was only weighing 7 stone when I was admitted and I'm 5'6.

Anyway I wasn't ready to stop using and when I came out I relapsed. This is when everything started to go really crazy. 

Firstly my LinkedIn was getting an insane amount of views. Really crazy. And my friends on Facebook started to drop like flies, including family members. For no reason apparently if you ask my family.

Then, when ever I was in there house I knew I was being watched. At first, they would wait until they believed I was asleep. Then I would hear my dad go into my mum's room and watch a video clearly of me banging up drugs. I would hear them cry. One day I didn't use and I can remember hearing my mother say 'oh she didn't use'.

This quickly progressed to live cameras. I would hear my parents react when I was injecting drugs all the time.

Soon they added speakers to the mix meaning I could now hear them. This only happened when they were 'out' or 'in Bed' and never happened when they were both watching