May 2018 – What I Have Been Doing To Try Prevent Entry When I Sleep

I have a feeling, my dodgy tiles which do not stay grouted down, are possibly a route of entry.  I am getting a lot of ant entering my house from the crack in the grout and my father looked very guilty when placing them down.  When he saw how I laid out my front room, he also remarked ‘This looks nice’ which I should have realised by now, when he says anything looks nice, it actually means, this is a good lay out as I can still enter and abuse you.  (18/05/18) I have now change my front room lay out and I hope this prevents this.

Anything valuable, has to be celotaped to me, or tucked away under my pillows or sandwiched in my duvet, to prevent it being stolen.  Here is my medication.  A lot of controlled drugs have vanished from my house.  I want to remind you that when my CD medication is not in my possession it is classed as CLASS B illegal substance

Here is my Ritalin, which is tucked into the corner of the sofa, and covered with a plastic bag, so the noise will hopefully wake me if it goes missing again.  I then place a pillow on top of it and tuck it in.  I then place pillows on top of this (I’m sleeping down stairs as the damp in the house ruined the mattress and I refuse to replace it)

I then place a ladder by my front door.  On numerous occasions, when NO ONE ELSE SHOULD HAVE HAD ACCESS TO MY PROPERTY, I have returned to an unlocked door.  I have OCD, so naturally, am incredibly OCD about locking my door.  In order to feel safe at night, I place a ladder by my door.

I had two videos where I could hear them stealing from this cupboard, from number 41’s house. However they hacked the account which was linked to my phone and have deleted any evidence of them entering my property or stealing from me.  I have now bolted this cupboard.

My father has also commented that the doors in this conservatory, cannot be locked / unlocked, from the other side, if there are keys in the door.  This leads me to believe they can be unlocked / locked, so I also tie the doors together.

Finally, I tie all three bedroom doors together, as naturally I am petrified about their ability to access my house.  Upstairs is incredibly damp and full of dust mites, which I have become allergic too.

24th October 2017 – Rehab Journal

Well C**** and D***** laid me in open group. Manned up and apologised. N**** was a different story. Everyone stuck up for me. She was nice and lovely and apologetic to everyone, bar me. Kept calling me ‘her’ and ‘she’

She refused to apologise to me.

(Even though we had beef), N***** and B**** all really stood up for me and C**** too.

 Anyway P**** was pleased for me,

For taking ownership for my bad behaviour and hugging D***** after D**** did me a card which was lovely’ never had shit like that before.

Did my angry letter and got sad. Wrote all about going for legal highs, committing suicide and self harm.

P**** asked me why I was here. I replied I didn’t know why.

Now I have write a positive letter.

22nd May 2018 – Tarot - Will I Escape?

Eagle – King of Swords

Brilliant, truthful, just and transformative.

Strength and wisdom.

Small minded view points and need to widen perspectives.

Detail, finer points and widen perspectives.

Reveals hidden truth and glimpse into unknown.

Fair honest, sees clearly and thinks quickly.

High ideals, champions new ideas and searches for ways to make the world better.

Passion and knowledge.  Desire to know more and to discover unusual solutions.

Defends freedom and rules with compassion,

Trusted liaisons, prompts is to use inner resources to innovate and explore extremes.

Do your best and use your gifts for a greater good.

Firefly – 4 of Branches

Inspiration, illuminiation, celebration and delight

Feel renewed appreciation for life’s magic, a deep down knowing all is well or a desire to share inner beauty.

Stability, support and success.

On the right path

Leads to marriage, creative accomplishments, brings rewards or recognition.

Inspiration, shared celebration.

Shine and attract what you need

You are loved.

Hope, insight and joy

Lion – Card 8

Strength

Courage, compassion, acceptance and love

Courage of truth and dignity

Healing light and illumination of self

Strength, stability and leadership

Honest appraisal of inner strength and character

Am I weak or ineffective?

Express self and step into power

An I ruled with rigidity, force or manipulation?

Be patience, compassion and respect

Is my inner beast out of control?

Channel energies into positive, meaningful, self-discovery.

True strength is not violent or controlling, but emerges through love, appreciation, acceptance of self and others.

Be present, overcome fears with trust and advance of journey to self-actualisation

Be true to self, claim authority

17th May 2018 – Journal

I am so broken.  I cannot take anymore.  It’s constant abuse.  I have no idea why.  And I have no idea how to make it stop.

They have completely ruined any mobile device I own.  I purchased a new phone and within hours, it was hacked and I was unable to use it.

I created a second account for the phone, and it didn’t take long until that was hacked.

My Sky WiFi is hacked.

My iPhone, apparently had nothing wrong with it.  Even without a SIM the minute I connected to the internet it was fucked again.

It’s got about 40 error reports in two days.

I put a passcode in, and it’s accepted.  I try to open my account and all of the sudden the password, which was accepted two minutes ago, no longer works.

They’ve changed my Mastercard details on my account so I cannot even recover it using that.

It’s clear my house sale is not going through as all the legal documents which relate to the work my father has done, does not appear to be on any national registers.

Yesterday, I received some call to my direct line from an anonymous number.  When I answered, they hung up.  Then my dad sent me some BS email saying he had to go to a meeting.  I know he wasn’t at work.  He clearly was making sure I was at work, so he could go and steal the electrical certificate.

I will never sell my house.

I will never be happy.

Nothing I do stops the abuse.

It’s my mission now to spread the truth. 

Today on the tube I wrote a large message saying

DID YOU KNOW I HAVE BEGGED FOR THEIR HELP AND INSTEAD THEY’VE TOLD LIES AND ABUSED ME FOR 4 YEARS’. I’VE BEEN RAPED BECAUSE OF THEM. THEY HAVE DESTROYED EVERYTHING INCLUDING MY CAREER.

I know everyone was staring at me.  As I got off the tube, I caught a couple of men’s gaze, and one had tears in his eyes.

They want me to kill myself so they can delete my blog and hide the truth.

From 1^st June 2018, it’s my mission to let people know the truth.  As I won’t be moving.  As I won’t have a mobile phone to do anything on.

I can dedicate all my time to making sure every single person who believes the lies, now knows the truth.

UPDATE

Well today I decided if I was going to be stared at I’d give them something to see. Wrote about being raped and begging for their help, but they abused me for 4 years instead.

I’ve noticed U***** and S***** are whispering about me. They sit there, whisper to each other and look at me.

Can’t believe they’re judging me when they fucking know me.

In the company meeting my manager said to my colleague she was in ‘rehab’ because in her last role they were paperless and we’re not. U***** and S***** see me get anxious and whisper to each other.

Then someone said ‘stalking’ and the same. It’s so cruel. No one will talk to me. They can see how my mental health has declined. And they’re joining in. Abusing me. Stalking me. Pushing me to suicide.

I can only begin to fathom the awful lies which have been told about me.

Before the meeting, A** my manager could see I was beginning to freak out. Thankfully, he told me to sit next to him and asked me to take notes, which gave me something to focus on. God bless him. God bless him and small mercies. A** if you’re reading this, I can bet you I’m dead. Thank you. Honestly. When the whole world hates you for bullshit... tiny things like those kind words mean the world to me.

And thank you D**. Just for sending the odd text. When I’ve felt so hopeless. I know you don’t want to be associated with me and my tainted reputation, but your messages came at a time I was so low.

And F****, who has relentlessly endeavoured to unhack my fucked devices. Three people who know that the public’s perception of me is incorrect. Those three people and their small gestures, have made the unbearable, ok. Have enabled me to scrape by.

And of course S**. I don’t know whether his intentions are congruent, but having someone to confide in has been crucial for my survival.

It’s not tough love. They don’t care. They have stolen my contracts from the storage place. And this morning, I heard a noise, mid panic attack over having to leave my house.. and then I find my toilet seat had been lifted up. As if a man had used the toilet. I’m a single female... they are just going above and beyond to scare me for no good reason.

They want me to kill myself. And they’re going to try and delete my blog. To hide the evidence of their sick abuse.

Tough love my arse. I’ve begged them to be honest and stop. I’ve said I would fund 6 months of rehab if they did. They don’t stop. They continue. They want me to die. So they can try to hide their dirty secret. But they’ve made it big. They’ve made me famous. And if they push me to commit suicide they’ll look a million times more a piece of shit than what they look like now.

I know they won’t stop.

I know my only escape is death.

People already think I’m the biggest piece of shit alive. But I will make sure the fucking truth is told. No matter what I say, I cannot come off looking any worse.

The massive amount of members of the public who have seen my mental decline, is evidence itself I’m being abused. Shame on U***** and S*****, who are ruthless

UPDATE

Tonight my friend’s dad, introduced me to another girl, from my ends, my age...

And I got to talk.

And I wasn’t judged (other druggies are more sympathetic and able to show more empathy)

And she didn’t think I was mad.

And the night was so normal.

I haven’t had that in ages.

If every day was like that, I wouldn’t want to get wasted to cope with my anxiety and stress.

It was like when I was in rehab.

We had quite a lot in common... including similar names and the same age. And she’s local. And unlike the other crazy crack heads I’ve known, she’s not a compulsive liar.. I could trust her (ok... only for a short time... twice bitten, three times shy) in my house with my stuff.

And I feel so heartbroken now, as I know tonight I’ll wake up to something missing, and being tormented tomorrow.

God - thank you! For 4 hours of precious, beautiful, well missed, sanity. Although I know they would have been watching... and are probably getting ready to abuse me now.

If my life was like that, I wouldn’t want to come home and get wasted every day due to the sheer state I am in due to the anxiety and stress I have.

It was like rehab.

If tomorrow was like that, I wouldn’t want to use.

Tomorrow won’t be like that.

I’ll be abused.

It’s not about the drugs is it?

16th May 2018 – And It All Falls Down

Email to my father….  The dodgy work he has done on my house is all coming out now.  None of the required legal documents have been done.  Here is my email to him

 J***.S*******@met.pnn.police.uk

16/05/2018 - 13:52

Hi Dad

Buildings Regulations Consent Gas / Fire Boiler – It says installation says GASAFE187485 and its dated 11/12/2014, it’s the certificate of when the boiler was installed.

The documents you have given relate boiler and hob from 2017, so this has nothing to do with the boiler installation.  I have contacted the national register and they have no record of me at this national gas place.

The electrical certificate you have given me is not the correct certificate.  But I have ordered this and it should be there when I get home today.  However, a lot of my post and deliveries have been going missing.

My old solicitors have closed down, so I cannot get the details of the extension the council did.

I don’t understand this gas thing….  How can I not be on the national register?  Is the work you have done on my house legal?

I’m concerned about my electricity for certain, as the bill is incredibly high.  The amount of debt I am in is crazy.  Perhaps if this is down to an error on your behalf you could be so kind to help with the money owning?

Seeing as I’m not there most of the day, and even when I turn ALL the electrics off via the fuse box, I can still get electrical readings from places in that house, it’s rather alarming. 

I’ve also have thermal images taken of my windows and lights, during the day when the lights have been off and the windows have been in the shade for hours, and they have come up as being extremely hot. 

Finally I’ve also had an independent electrician tell me, the house is not wired correctly, which is very concerning.

If these fault lay with the work you have done (and you did get the whole house re-wired and install the boiler), I urge you to fix it please.

My new house is my dream house, and I have a feeling I’m never going to get there, because the work you authorised is dodgy as hell.

Just so you know I am working Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

Please be honest with me, if I need to phone the estate agent in Plymouth and cancel my dream home, let me know, because they will be installing my choice of décor soon, and I wouldn’t want them to do that, and not get to live in the house.

I am so stressed, I am so upset.  I can’t believe I was stupid enough to believe I would actually get to move somewhere that wasn’t decrepit, falling to pieces, making me ill and causing so much misery there are not even words invented to describe how I feel.

Regards

Jay

Employment Advisor