❤️ RESEARCH CHEMICAL SUPPLIER

Ok, I’ve been naughty. 

My curiosity for legal highs has perked its ugly head, complete with horns and snarling grin 😈

So for some reason, don’t ask why, I chose not to use my favourite site on the dark net, but used google. This meant paying immediately (No Escrow - this means you pay, but the seller doesn’t get it until you relsease it, you release when you receive the product).

So I used a company called

AceChemStore.com

I ordered 4F-MPH an analogue of Ritalin. Waste of money really when your tolerance to Ritalin is already stupidly high. Anyway product review to follow.

Anyway, Ace Chem Store

I order on the 19/09/17, screen shotted bit coin transfer and emailed it to support@acechemstore.com and asked for a change of delivery address.

Nothing....

19/09/17 - Wanted address changed. Emailed sales@acechemstore.com and Support@acechemstore.com both failed realised need to send proof of order and payment again

20/09/17 - Emailed  acechem@tutanota.com. The said nothing in relation to to adddress being changed. Just ‘we send order when we get money’ *not faulting their poor English. I’d be buggered to say that in another language! 

21/09/17 - asked about address changed. Asked to send order ID! My ID was already in this email trail as I attached a picture earlier no with this. So sent photo again. Ace Chem goes quiet.

04/10/17 - chased them. Asked for frigging ID again. Still using the same trail of emails I had added this to numerous times previously 

05/10/17 - still nothing. I I chased them up. Left a bad review on some Glass Door type company connected to their website. Said throw some freebies and I’d change this. FINALLY HAD CONTACT ... asking me to confirm my payment! They asked for proof of payment again!! So I send again. Just told it would be sent tomorrow. 2 week’s after their payment was taken from my account! 

Their only other response was the payment page! No apology! 

Anyway I had a real moan at them. Told them I ordered fentanyl from Canada on the same day which arrived in 2 weeks.

Promised them they would get a whole page my my blog dedicated to them, and I got over 100 views a day. Any clever company would at least apologise not to look like utter wankers. Maybe send some fancy freebies... I mean those make up bloggers are laughing aren’t they!! I’d love to get the same perks!!

Blog about my cocaine and here’s a free sample!

Any drug dealers using them dark net, feel free to be a groundbreaking company, the first, in the drug field, to utilise a blogger. 😄 but still, I’m serious. 

Or pharmacists, drug researchers, etc I get so jealous of reading about people getting to test LSD, probably with the infamous Professor Nutt... yet, when do I see these trials advertised???

I’d be first choice candidate. Well for drugs I have experienced, but don’t currently use. You know I’m not allergic and won’t die. I know what to expect. I won’t freak out when the IV ketamine reaches my brain, because as horrendous as it is, I’ve done it before. 

God forbid should I be in an accident and get IV ketamine and not morphine. I’m already worried at my reaction. Hate the stuff. AMAZING for opiates withdrawals and worth tripping your tits off for an hour to then be able to sleep and feel normal the next morning and half the afternoon.

I see it as imperative. I’ve not slept for 6 week’s properly (1-3 hours max a night), during opiates Withdrawal. Ended up getting a script from my favourite Psyche Dr. P. Even if it’s just one night’s sleep in a week and the ability to bathe, wash hair, go shopping!

Anyway ketamine and to some extent it’s cousin Robustins Light Blue cough medicine, helps sleep.

Anyway this 4F-MPH clearly wore off ages ago. This post is SO ADHD.. I wouldn’t bother with Ace Chem Store ☹️

You can now sign up for my posts via email, if you click the full website, it’s on the left hand side.

#itsnotaboutthedrugs

@Gemma_Stalked

❤️ 01st July 2017 - Journal

Had an ok day. Still better than before, but still have chronic anxiety. It stops me eating, relaxing and makes me feel awful.

Went to see R*** and went to a barbecue.

R*** makes me so fucking horny. It’s annoying feeling like this when there’s so many people around. I struggle to keep my hands off her.

Still it makes it more exciting when I do touch her. I like it when we’re caught.

3 guys almost walked in lamppost when we were kissing and getting touchy in the pub.

Guys at the BBQ noticed us flirting. We were alone in the front room and I was playing with her, and she was touching me also, when some guy came in.

Some black girl was nasty to us. We went to the toilet to some cold and she was ramming the door. Then 15 minutes later she was slagging us off.

Me and R*** thought her distain stemmed from our clearly evident drug taking, but we were wrong.

She later apologised and said she thought D** (the guy whose party it was, who invited R***) had thought he had ordered two prositutes / strippers.

We were in dresses / heels and everyone else was quite hippy and dressed down. 

She turned out to be really nice. She apologised and was very ashamed that she stereotyped is, as she was also fucked on MDMA, so definitely no drug concerns.

I explained I didn’t go out that often, so when I did I wanted to wear nice clothes and shoes. She asked why, and I said I had a mortgage and bills. Her jaw hit the floor when I said mortgage. It’s quite sad that blonde hair, slim, tan, dress and heels creates connotations of being a stripper / hooker.

Me and R*** got an Uber. It’s so cheap. £35 from north London to mine via Barbican. I need to pay R*** £40. I forgot my password for internet banking (it wouldn’t let me use a thumb print for new transfers).

I think it’s a massive turn on not being able to do what I want to do to R***. I was only able to snatch small glimpses of felling her body. I love her bum and thighs. Her dress was really short so it was easy to slip my hands on her ass when I was walking behind had and she loves it too.

It’s like she switches to a nympho if I flirt with her. Just like she said about the 5 or 6 different personalities in her.

We got rather cosy in the garden and D** came over and said he fancies R*** and said something about us being touchy feely.

And the coke dealer wanted a threesome too. He’s hot. I’d be up for that.

Anyway this is a log of my life, so when I die, the truth can be told. But it needn’t be all doom and gloom.

R*** thinks I’m super hot, which is weird as she’s WAY out of my league. But anyway I can’t be that bad looking if I’m pulling girls as hot as R***.

And I recon I’m fucking M*** tomorrow. About time. 10 years’ we’ve flirted, but one of us was in a relationship.

I’m gonna party, fuck, get drunk and take drugs like there’s no tomorrow. Because it’s likely that ‘no tomorrow’ is likely to happen at some point should they carry on.

Came home to find the two empty Concerta bottles I had left on the bed moved to the windowsill.

I decided to bang up a sunburn. Would have done it booty bumped otherwise, but if they fuck with me, I’ll fuck with them.

I’m gonna order more from TOR. I don’t want to live. If I abuse drugs there’s a higher likelihood I could die and have fun too.

When they stop traumatising and abusing me (and it IS trauma and abuse according to counsellors at Longreaxh), I’ll stop self medicating.

I’m gonna try new legal Highs, the ethylphenidate wasn’t all that. My tolerance sky rocketed, but I made a gram last 3 days. I’d easily do that in a day, if not more.

❤️ I GIVE UP

Ok so I decided to do things properly. Wasted a whole day of annual leave to go to MDART and get my script.

For some reason they TTO Saturday and Sunday (normally just Sunday is a TTO)

Coz TFL is a useless piece of shit and can’t operate some fucking lights there was major delays and the tube stopped at Tooting Broadway.

By the time I got off there it was 6.30pm. The time the chemist in Morden it was 6.30pm. As the TTO was two days, that means I’ve missed three days. That means bye bye script.

So I’m getting b so I don’t get sick. I’m also now wasted in Spoons in Tooting.. two large cocktails and 20mg diazepam

I have no annual leave left to visit MDART for a restart. 

To top it off, I was supposed to have a phone session with my counsellor at 4.30pm. Took half an hour for lunch especially. Did she bother to call? Did she fuck.

I’m a fucking red zone patient!!! The worst catagory. When you become an IV drug user, you kinda lose all your friends. She knows I rely on her and I’ve waited 10 Days to speak to her.

After my two failed recent drug ODs, the couple of seizures I’ve had on coked, and the rest, you’d think she’d had kept my appointment as a priority.

So fuck doing it the right way. Fuck detox. Fuck counselling 

Shit I’m wasted and just got a next cocktail. The last one (plus benzos) has just hit me now.

Better down this, take some pills and fuck off.

I am so tempted to overdose and actually make sure I die.

More fentanyl anyone?

 

Let’s see if MDART actually send someone to my house for not for disengaging

Shit I’m so wasted I can’t keep my eyes open. Better rolls and cigarette And get the next bus home.

#itsnotaboutthedrugs

@Gemma_Stalked

❤️ Unknown Note

I binged today

Ice cream 

Cake

Chicken pie

Ice cream 

Wine

Nuts

Crisps x 3

5 Jaffa cakes

2 yoghurts

Dried fruit snack

Cheese and pineapple

Ham

Must starve tomorrow 

In fairness I haven’t eaten properly for four days. I was back to 9.1lbs

❤️ Junkies And Credit Scores

I might be a junkie, but it doesn’t mean I’m on benefits and in debt.

My recent credit score I’m rather proud of, seeing my rough patch I’m just recovering from 

So to all my haters, I’m considerably richer than you! 954/999

#itsnotaboutthedrugs

@Gemma_Stalked

❤️ 大きな日本 🇯🇵

読んでくれてありがとう

読んでくれてありがとう

私はこれが助けて欲しい

親切で、裁判官ではない

🇯🇵 ❤️

❤️ Drug Myths

I see a lot of incorrect information on drugs, and it drives me crazy.

I want to dispel some of the myths people believe about drugs. This post will be a work in action. When I encounter more myths I will add.

1) Addicts are skinny 

Wrong! Cocaine addicts are notorious for being overweight. The cycle of cocaine addiction tends to go like this. You get drunk and use, naturally you neglecte to eat. However you wake up ravenous! Because you didn’t eat the day before, you binge! You crave junk food. You scoff junk food. Even if you’re rich enough to use daily, it’s VERY rare you can afford enough to use more than being sober. In my experience cocaine addicts are chubby! I’ve only met one person who was addicted to cocaine and was slim. This person was a top earning lap dancer / prostitute, and was SLIM. Not skinny.

2) Heroin addiction equates to tin foil and evidence of needles

Wrong. When I was heavily addicted I smoked heroin in a spliff. No one had a clue. However unlike cocaine addiction, you do lose weight.

3) Addicts, especially injecting addicts, are skinny, homeless and on the streets, who would rob your granny for her pension. I am an testimony of how incorrect this myth is.

4) You can easily spot an addictwho injects. Wrong. I got away with secrecy for ages here. Look out for long sleeves in summer, or like me, someone who goes OTT with fake tan

Reality Check

Here’s my real experiences to look for

1) the person who eats junk food constantly, when no longer a teenager, who stays slim. When you smoke crack and heroin all night you don’t eat. During the day you binge on shit. People marvel at your fast metabolism.  Unless you’re undiagnosed hyperthyroidism, it’s an easy indicator you’re on drugs.

2) Pin prick pupils. The give away for opiate addiction 

3) Cannabis can make you both hyper, giggly and chatty AND quiet, lazy and give munchies

4) If you notice a colleague who’s very hungover and lethargic, only to take a early lunch and be productive and active after ‘going to the bank’ at 11am. In hindsight this was a major red flag I was a drug addict.

5) weight loss. While cocaine makes you binge, by the time you’re onto crack or injecting, you’re gonna join the size 0 club.

6) someone who flicks their ash into a container to save. Many crack heads save their cigarette ash to place on foil on their pipe. I did this often. People noticed. They just didn’t know why.

7) Ridged plans. I was not spontaneous when I was in the height of addiction. If I had made plans, I would socialise. If I didn’t make plans, chances were I would need to score that evening, so wouldn’t come out.

8) A sense of urgency, mood change. From withdrawal to high.

9) When addicted to heroin, that doesn’t equate to immediately feeling ok. In fact, I’d be feeling incredibly sick, score, smoke a b spliff AND still vomit my guts up.

10) Scabs and scars... on your face. Whilst I never circumed to this, I’m well aware that stimulant users love to pick and something which isn’t there. Scabby faces are likely.

11) Bambi eyes - Ecstasy give away. The police are clued up on this now, but I’m astonished at the number of times in the 90’s I was pulled over with bambi eyes, chewing my face off, and was let drive away. 

12) a ‘cannabis’ bong, which has been scraped. No weed smoker is going to scrap the residue off their pipe. A crack Head however!!

Anyway, comment anonymously if you can think of any others I’ve left off. I’m constantly watching films and cussing their representation of drug use. If I’ve missed anymore I’ll add. And as I encounter more this will be updated.

❤️ Definition Of........

Ok, what kind of person am I describing 

- Incredibly high IQ, around the 150 mark

- Completed the Mensa tests for adults in the newspapers aged 7

- Raised with a strict catholic father

- Middle class

- Convent education 

- 10 GCSE’s, 4 A Levels, 1 AS Level, NVQ 2 & 3, CPCAB Level 2 Counselling, IOSH Qualified

- Safeguarding Officer

- First Aid qualified

- Fire Marshall

- Works in Employability helping people on benefits over come their barriers and secure employment 

- Work has been award winning

- Donates to cancer and animal charities

- Volunteered at Cats Protection

- Sky dived for Battersea Dogs Home

- polite, please, thank you, may I?

- honest 

- home owner (single too)

- psychic 

- believe in karma

- does fake tan

- curls her hair

- hair extensions 

- nice clothes

- clean

- wears make up

- owns a hot tub

- owns a pedigree pet

- rescues animals

- lives in a presentable home

- works

- has sky TV

- has broadband 

- owns an iPhone X

- has designer handbags

- is kind

- loyal

- articulate

- intelligent 

- owns expensive jewellery 

- has a house full of possessions 

- is empathetic 

- Is buying a 3 bed house, with ensuite, parking, garden, downstairs cloakroom room, OUTRIGHT. Yes that right, single (much hated) female, and mortgage free at 36

.....

- they also smoke crack

- take heroin

- addicted to opiates 

- injects drugs

- uses cocaine

- addicted to benzo

- has been detox and rehab

- and failed all three times 

- has been sectioned 

- has to hide the tracks on her hands before work

- has ADHD 

- cannot function without opiates or Ritalin 

- feels nothing from Ritalin anymore, she cannot get out of bed without it 

- no high from opiates, need to stave off sickness and feel normal.

You can bet if you work in a company of 100 or more staff. You’ll work with an addict... maybe even a junkie like me. Whether it’s OTC codeine or IV heroin (probably done during a break at work), we have the ability to have addictions and be functional.

Bar major fuck ups, we tend to work hard. We’re good employees. We need our payslips to fund our habits. We do not want to lose our jobs. 

You may notice certain behaviours, and fall for our excuses. Sweats - cold or flue, exhaustion - insomnia, vomiting - 24 hour bug, most likely we’re skinny to small. Size 4 to size 10. We’ll eat a lot at work (as when we’re at home we’re using and not eating), but we have ‘fast metabolisms’. Our energy levels can dramatically change. This is when we’ve used. But we’re working hard now, so you say nothing. We take lunch at 10.30am To go to the bank as it’s too busy at lunch time. After that we frequently go for a smoke or to the toilet. We may get anxious and edgy when we’re running out.

But our positive aspects outweigh the quirks.

So don’t judge me. You don’t judge those you know, you just aren’t aware about. I was smoking crack and heroin all day every day whilst employed.

- I’m a junkie 

#itsnotaboutthedrugs

@Gemma_Stalked

❤️ 11th October 2017 - I Love My Job!

I LOVE my job.

Today I saw two clients. I enjoyed helping them both. One has a reputation for being negative and lazy.... he wasn’t with me! Actually got him to apply for a job with the Royal Mail! And set him homework to check their website for more jobs.... and he ‘was’ dead against training / education.. even managed to change his mind on that one.

The other appointment was just an introduction, and he was lovely too.

Yesterday I ended up having to do a registration completely on my own... my mentor was on a conference call. Well she said conference call, it sounded more like a personal chat. Anyway, did it... all on my own... perfect!!!

I never got one registration correct in my last role, it was so complicated. And if there was one error, you couldn’t correct it. The two hour registration session had to be respected.

Disclosed to two colleagues how depressed I was before I got the job offer and my intentions. I hope I didn’t shock them.

So, whilst I will always be an addict (even if I’m clean), and most likely always be a junkie (banging up occasionally), it doesn’t mean I cannot be a person who contributes positively to society.

God sent me two angels on Wednesday the 27th.

J and A

#itsnotaboutthedrugs

@Gemma_Stalked

❤️ TO ALL THOSE WHO COMMENTED

To everyone who has commented I am apologise for not replying.

I had notification set up to an email account I was not using therefore did not receive them.

Comments will be applied to more frequently from now on.

#itsnotaboutthedrugs

@Gemma_Stalked