Went to see R*** and went to a barbecue.
R*** makes me so fucking horny. It’s annoying feeling like this when there’s so many people around. I struggle to keep my hands off her.
Still it makes it more exciting when I do touch her. I like it when we’re caught.
3 guys almost walked in lamppost when we were kissing and getting touchy in the pub.
Guys at the BBQ noticed us flirting. We were alone in the front room and I was playing with her, and she was touching me also, when some guy came in.
Some black girl was nasty to us. We went to the toilet to some cold and she was ramming the door. Then 15 minutes later she was slagging us off.
Me and R*** thought her distain stemmed from our clearly evident drug taking, but we were wrong.
She later apologised and said she thought D** (the guy whose party it was, who invited R***) had thought he had ordered two prositutes / strippers.
We were in dresses / heels and everyone else was quite hippy and dressed down.
She turned out to be really nice. She apologised and was very ashamed that she stereotyped is, as she was also fucked on MDMA, so definitely no drug concerns.
I explained I didn’t go out that often, so when I did I wanted to wear nice clothes and shoes. She asked why, and I said I had a mortgage and bills. Her jaw hit the floor when I said mortgage. It’s quite sad that blonde hair, slim, tan, dress and heels creates connotations of being a stripper / hooker.
Me and R*** got an Uber. It’s so cheap. £35 from north London to mine via Barbican. I need to pay R*** £40. I forgot my password for internet banking (it wouldn’t let me use a thumb print for new transfers).
I think it’s a massive turn on not being able to do what I want to do to R***. I was only able to snatch small glimpses of felling her body. I love her bum and thighs. Her dress was really short so it was easy to slip my hands on her ass when I was walking behind had and she loves it too.
It’s like she switches to a nympho if I flirt with her. Just like she said about the 5 or 6 different personalities in her.
We got rather cosy in the garden and D** came over and said he fancies R*** and said something about us being touchy feely.
And the coke dealer wanted a threesome too. He’s hot. I’d be up for that.
Anyway this is a log of my life, so when I die, the truth can be told. But it needn’t be all doom and gloom.
R*** thinks I’m super hot, which is weird as she’s WAY out of my league. But anyway I can’t be that bad looking if I’m pulling girls as hot as R***.
And I recon I’m fucking M*** tomorrow. About time. 10 years’ we’ve flirted, but one of us was in a relationship.
I’m gonna party, fuck, get drunk and take drugs like there’s no tomorrow. Because it’s likely that ‘no tomorrow’ is likely to happen at some point should they carry on.
Came home to find the two empty Concerta bottles I had left on the bed moved to the windowsill.
I decided to bang up a sunburn. Would have done it booty bumped otherwise, but if they fuck with me, I’ll fuck with them.
I’m gonna order more from TOR. I don’t want to live. If I abuse drugs there’s a higher likelihood I could die and have fun too.
When they stop traumatising and abusing me (and it IS trauma and abuse according to counsellors at Longreaxh), I’ll stop self medicating.
I’m gonna try new legal Highs, the ethylphenidate wasn’t all that. My tolerance sky rocketed, but I made a gram last 3 days. I’d easily do that in a day, if not more.
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