04th June 2018 - Journal

Well haven’t been using, coz no money. Still, the gas lighting behaviour is disgusting. So even when I’m clean, I’m still being abuse. 

It’s not about the drugs.

Jeeze those crazy psychopaths even had you fooled too!

Can’t fool God. No matter how much you sit there like the peados of the past and beg for forgiveness.

Their behaviour is sheer nasty. It was NEVER meant to be this way.. I am just dumbfounded, how my relatively middle class, nice, proper parents, could turn into such monsters...

Update... my brother has just clearly sneaked out from next door... L*** was standing by the front door for ages, making a blockade... swear I saw the fat cunt driving a car not long after... (6.50pm)... and I swear the bald man.. who looks exactly like my father.. but is bald.. is my father.

My heart sighs.

He’s the cruelest.

I think he hate me, coz he must have had something horrible as a kid. He was a catholic, so no doubt he got buggered. I recon that’s why he hates me so much, and allows / encourages me to be abuse. I can sympathise. Thanks to this, I’ve now been raped.

I could never destroy anyone’s mental wellbeing. 

Like a

Stupid puppy, I hope my only intention on earth was to be abused, mad go crazy etc... coz then they’re not bad horrible people are they??

I know, like 90%, I’m wrong though.

I’m just a normal girl. With ADHD. Which was undiagnosed for 15 years... and when her 15 year addiction problem wasn’t fixed in 15 days.. her family decided that making her think she was crazy was the best bet. And then took away any pride she may have had left, but transforming her into a monster with the lies

They tell the public.

And they want me to kill my self.

Coz no matter how much I change my behaviour, this doesn’t stop. I don’t get a

Respite!! Being clean doesn’t mean having a break!!!!

Just like my whole

Life (but a trillion times

Worse)... I was never good enough for them. I could never make them proud. And hey, well they’ve fucked this one up so much, if we don’t make her kill herself, we might look bad, so let’s carry on... doesn’t matter, we’ve got another one. Won’t make the same mistakes again. 

How can any real parent, love them self more than their child?

(Dad 

You could saw

Your legs half

Off and wear a fucking clown outfit!!!!!!! I’d still recognise you