❤️ Eating Disorders In Recovery

When one is no longer fueled with artificial energy from the substances they used rely on to feel anything remotely normal, something else happens. 

I’m actually going to ask some people who have recovered to give me their advice on this. 

There is a horrible catalysts of changes. You suddenly feel weird growling like your rib cage.

You’re HUNGRY.

Long gone are the twice a week drives to the petrol station for Haribo, family sized Monster Munch (Flaming Hot), the 99p sized bar of Cadbury’s and whatever else is on offer.

Long gone are the walking into McDonald’s and ordering whatever you want. Long gone Are the times when you can eat whatever you wanted without feeling an ounce of guilt.

Now, you need to do this EVERY DAY! And what’s worst, SEVERAL TIMES   DAY! And.. wait for this.. coz you’re not tweaking or gouching, and there’s only so much time you can spend smoking, you actually get intense cravings to eat! 

If, like myself, you have starved on the twice a week 2,500 calorie binges, meaning you only ate 5,000 of the  14,000 you should have per week... initially... it’s great! The re-feeding period!!

At first you revel in this privilege. am on diagnosed  EDNOS

You are skinny as hell, me, I was weighed at 7.3lbs at MDART before detox. I’m aware my jewellery, hair extensions, clothes and gosh! Even not having an empty bladder will add easily 5lbs. Plus, my family had intervened at that point, most definitely would have brought a lot of tempting junk food. So this wasn’t my lowest weight.

Weighing 8 stone to 8.5lbs I looked too slim, but with hair done, make up, tan... no ones forcing a feeding tube down you.

I suspect my lowest weight could have been around 6.7lbs. I’m accounting for the fact any calories I did consume between being discovered on the Saturday night to seeing Dr. P the following Wednesday, would have been tightly guarded by my starved body and not depleted. Therefore I am likely to have gained, easily 7lbs in 4 days.

So at the height of my addition I weighed between 6.7lbs and 7.3lbs. (91lbs - 101lbs or 41kg - 45.8kg) which meant a BMI of 14.6 - 16.2, if anyone who has anorexia is reading this, and weighs more! I apologise in advance for the horrible trigger this must be. I wasn’t even trying to be skinny and when I chose to eat, I ate crap. I am undiagnosed EDNOS and I too, would get incredibly jealous of anyone weighing less / lower BMI on Why Eat and My Pro Ana.

In rehab I’d say about 50% of the girls there had eating disorders. Me and R*** starved ourselves for 10 days before consuming a load of sugar on NYE and we got buzzed off our heads on sugar.’

When you’re caught up in drug addiction you can eat what you like. Because 90% of the time you don’t eat.

Recovery is hard. You have to control an appetite again. Addiction allows you to eat what youn when you want.

 #itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked