I have just realising all the wiping of my phone has meant I’ve lost ALL the posts I had saved in offline and drafts!!
Damn damn damn! There was a LOT there.
Oh well, I bastards haven’t won yet, I’m still fighting!
My focus is now to get clean. I’m down from 120mg diazepam to 5-10mg
Gonna get some Zopiclone sorted for Xmas holiday and knock that addiction in the head.
Sorted out alcohol addiction before I started my new job, and whilst I am partial to a couple of drinks before bed, I don’t psychically need to have a drink anymore.
New year, I’ll be getting off opiates!!!
I have no doubt that due to my high tolerance, in order not to interfere with work, it’s gonna take me a year.
Then I’ll be full steam ahead with regards of getting ‘MY STORY’ aka THE TRUTH told.
Judging by the type of followers I have on Twitter, sobriety will result in a lot of interest in getting the truth out.
And then those people will finally be recognised as the nasty, evil, sick, twisted humans they actually are and their lies about how I’m such a terrible terrible junkie, who needs surveillance 24-7, shall be exposed.
It’s the only thing keeping me going.
The truth WILL come out regardless. Either I’ll commit suicide and there are several people who will make sure the media get this blog and the rest of my handwritten notes, or I’ll live. And when I’m clean, I will fight until I do get to tell my story.
If they keep on eventually I’ll break. They’ll push me to suicide. And, this will only make them look so much worse.
No matter how disgusting they behave, if I’m alive they will receive a better reception than if the media gets this blog after I’ve hung myself (no nice overdose on fentanyl either as they’ve made sure I didn’t get my order, those bastards want me to suffer!)
Which does leave me to wonder why they still torment me and push me to kill myself? Confused.com?
But I know, for me to be successful in disclosing the truth, I have to be clean. It’s a blessing in disguise actually.
I have NEVER imagined a future without drugs. But exposing these pieces of shit makes it worthwhile.
Oh, and alcohol and weed... it’ll never happen. I have crazy bad ADHD, my head comes alive at the night time... I will ALWAYS need something to help me to relax.
Preferably weed, as alcohol is more detrimental.
I’ll still take a benzo or Zopiclone on a Sunday, so I’m not awake at 2am.
And I’m still likely to accept the offer of a free line of coke... But... I WILL NOT BE ADDICTED TO ANYTHING, NOR USE REGULARLY!!
Bar cannabis, I’ll happy give you clean piss tests on demand.
For now... keep blogging, keep exposing the nasty pawns playing their game, keep reducing my opiates, keep getting my old notes on here, buy a nice house as far away from these people as possible and keep fighting their nasty behaviour.
The more stupid things they indulge in, the better my story will be.. more interest.. more people offering financial rewards for working with me.. I know my career will be over if I disclose the truth.. I need to ensure I’m financially sound.
Anyway, the more nasty behaviour they ensure I receive whilst I’m fighting so hard to sort myself out, will only reflect more negatively on them.
When people realise I work incredibly hard in my job, I have a mortgage, bar 2 years I have ALWAYS worked and contributed to society both financially and in the employment I do. I care for animals, give to charity, am honest, kind and caring the more guilt and remorse they’ll feel.
If I tell the truth out loud when a Junkette (stalker) is around they ALWAYS get such an aura of guilt. Clearly displayed on their face and as I pick up people’s feelings, I also feel the guilt oozing from their pours!
Remember, whilst they’ve tormented me I’ve begged and begged for them to stop and sincerely stated I would stop drugs. I’ve even told them, should this have happened recently when bad, I would sell my house and fund rehab for 6 months myself. If only they would stop tormenting me and be honest with me.
I have even begged in real life for their help, only to have them dismiss my claims as due to drug abuse.
I’ve been soooo ill recently. And even on good days, I’m not myself! Seeing as my drug use as dramatically reduced and this has only resulted in myself feeling so much worse physically, it’s clear there’s an underlying reason for my physical and mental decline, that’s NOT drug related.
I even looked my mother in the eye and told her, for me to ask for her help, and to be honest about my recent drug use (although we both know the truth! They watch me daily and I know they’re doing it.. we just pretend face to face that none of this happens!), is surely is an expression of my desperation.
Although her verbal reply didn’t agree with me, the look in her eyes said it all.
Anyway, don’t want to be all negative, so wanted to add my positives that I can remember from the past week
1) Excellent service from Apple geniuses. They did not doubt my story about my phone vanishing for hours and being hacked and went above and beyond to help me
2) Great fun following Junkettes back. Will tell you about my little follower who completely freaked please out when I turned the tables and followed him! Hilarious! I’m 5’6 and weigh 8.8lbs. I’m tiny! Majority of Junkettes are big grown ass men.
3) Smacked it at work! Found LOADS of unclaimed certificates (funding) and registrations that hadn’t been uploaded (more funding). Even one registration that hadn’t been uploaded WITH a certificate!! So I’ve hit the qualification target and probably wiped the deficit. Found a few complete unclaimed registrations too, so I still have a week, but I’ve hit my 11 registrations. I have four 6 month outcomes and I only need 3. I just need 2 more job outcomes to hit that target.
4) I have a new toy! iPhone X!! Still pissing myself I can be a singing emoji! And face recognition. In public I’ve decided if I have an audience I shall pull weird faces when I want to unlock my iPhone. I’m already giggling about that one. Plus, it’ll draw more attention to the £1,000 phone in my hands, contradicting the bullshit people believe about me being a complete junkie.
5) Found out my niece is called P****. P**** and P****. Doubt I’ll ever see her 😔. Anyway, bought them both a limited edition teddy for Xmas, opposed to buying lots of little things. P**** (realised you cannot distinguish who I’m talking about, older child), is getting Lola bear (one of my favourites!) and there was only 1,500 Lola’s made. Baby P is getting Lucy bear, and only 1,000 of this one.
I had decided on Lola for big P, ages ago. Didn’t know if they would have a boy or girl (well I thought it would be a girl, but didn’t want to buy for a girl and jinx it). I also liked Lucy and another white bear. So I asked my mum which ones she liked and she liked Lucy and a different bear to my other favourite. So I decided on Lucy. And I’m glad, as although they’re different styles of bear, across the Silver Tag range, they’re quite similar.
Both cost around £70.
Anyway, so off track, here are the bears below! Available on Amazon.
Going to go, as I need to clean, but hopefully will post more before today is over!!
No comments:
Post a Comment