I'm a little disordered with my eating. I'm similar to anorexia, but I don't go to dangerously low weights. I've been trying to walk more, 10,000 steps and have started doing some weights using some small dumbbells my mum has.
To lose weight I need to eat less than 1,300 calories a day, that's not including any exercise, just a sedentary day.
Also, I've seen a lovely sofa in Marks and Spencer I think my mother may purchase for me. It's a corner sofa, in grey. Much smaller than my old one. She bought me four green cushions and a green throw. As it's smaller I will also buy a small table and two chairs, the metal folding kind usually for the garden.
My uncle is making a glass door for my kitchen. I'll block the original door and open up between the kitchen and conservatory.
Also, in Mark's, they had a gorgeous polar bear teddy, reduced from £25 to £12. Another present for precious P. They had panda bears, but I thought polar bear was more Christmassy. I've already got her pyjamas and a xylophone for the bath. Everything in the sale. So I spend £70 but without the sale price it's £150 worth of presents.
I may be in rehab for Xmas which takes away the uncomfortable Xmas dinner with my brother and his girlfriend who very much dislike me. They are the perfect couple. The only thing which could pathetically be a black mark is they have a kid and are not married.
Everything about them is perfect. At least my mum has a daughter in law she can boast about. Even before my big drugs discovery, I was always second best. It really bothered me at first. Especially when my boyfriend's where treated like crap and she was worshiped immediately.
Now, I don't care. I enjoy being the black sheep. I'm good at it. Even as a child I always excelled over my brother at activities, but was never number one in my mother's eyes.
I tend to get compensated financially. This shows in my adult life as I spend on people to show my appreciation for them.
It killed when my brother's girlfriend got pregnant. I always wanted to give my mum her first grandkid. This was made worse knowing I could have. But I was temping at work, so no maternity pay and my partner wasn't supportive.
I'm glad now. Due to the nationwide knowledge of my drug use, social services will be crawling all over me, should I dare get knocked up. It's made me decide I don't want kids.
I'll spend my life enjoying holidays, plastic surgery, lie ins and indulgence. Oh, and many, many pets. When in the depths of being a nationwide hate figure, animals loved me. They didn't see a dirty junkie, they saw a kind person with a lot of love to give, who was looking for a little back.
So not only did my family decide to terminate my career, but also any future possibility of having a family. Whilst I appreciate the financial assistance they are showering me with now, this will always leave a bitter taste in my mouth.
Maybe, maybe, if I can tell the nation the truth, my opinion will change. But realistically I doubt my parents will have the guts to admit what they did to me. It'll be brushed under the carpet and I'll be expected just to forget about it.
It's so sad. Why couldn't they do what other parents of drug addicts do. Why did they destroy me. They decided to make me hit their version of rock bottom. But it wasn't my rock bottom and didn't work.
Oh well, Battersea here I come, I'll have 52 cats please, never marry, have kids and when I die, I'll be found, with my face eaten away by hungry kitties!!
Yay!! Can't wait!!
Seriously I don't mind. I do love cats.
Love a realistic Jay x
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