Dear R***,
Well the temptation to use was clearly far greater and my new, unwanted prerequisite of a sober life. I used tonight. Not my DOC, as rather annoyingly, due to money being quite tight. Actually, money is non existent at the moment, anyway I was rather frustrated upon arriving at the LH shop, at 06.24pm, to find it shut. I'm sure opposed to an incredibly unfortunate coincident, Alanis Morresett would find it 'Ironic', as the sign on the door clearly said 08.00pm closing time.
I've just read your email and I'm smiling. The one where you said I made you smile. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have the chance to off load on you A*****. I probably wouldn't be here any more. I'm glad I came to MACs, even though the name and location deferring me for years. Your aura and the aura of most the people at MACs is so warm, gentle and inviting. I feel genuinely welcomed and liked.
Right, enough sycophantic voice... Diary: I have not long returned home, from using. Not my DOC, although one is likely to crack that resolve tomorrow. Tonight I shared brown, light and weed.
I wish I had a real friend like you R***. But I doubt befriending junkie addicts outside work is in your list of to-dos. Another reason to stop anything that's consumed in a needle. No friends.
Even if I quit drugs, I know it won't affect my 'psychosis' Because it's not real psychosis. Again the thoughts of overdose have plagued me.
I will definitely commit suicide if this psychosis doesn't give me a break. I'm still forgoing the seatbelt when I drive. I don't look upon crossing the road. I'm not depressed about it. Life 'can' be good. If only small mercies like this would vanish from my life.
Until I use again. God bless.
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