❤️ Letter To Independent Press Standards Organisation- June 2015

During the height of my fame I ended up speaking to the Independent press standards organisation. I explained my situation about in falsely missrepresented in the press.

Funnily enough I’m like when I telephoned the Sun and was told to check myself into a mental hospital, my complaint was taken seriously almost as if they were aware of my situation. Below is the letter that followed.

Dear H

I feel it’s imperative to prove a little background information. I am an  adult sufferer of ADHD. I was previously prescribed methylphenidate. Duty sale misfortune both at home and at work I started to also use legal Ritalin.  Soon after I was a mess. I neglected my prescription and just abused ethylphenidate. I deeply regret this.

My parents then began undertaking some very nasty behaviour, claiming it was all in my head. I have been and still am tortured by them.

Around March I noticed I appear to be famous. People photographed me or appeared to text my location. My congruency resulted in me being sectioned. No one believed my parents could undertake such horrific actions. I have evidence to prove that invasion of privacy was not in any way a psychotic episode.

I found even when clean people still appeared to stalk me.

That distressed me so much it resulted in an overdose.

Thankfully when disclosing the horrific actions my parents have done several strangers informed me this was due to an article in the Sun including a photo with me smoking crack cocaine. Something I really indulge in.

It would appear the intention of this is to make me believe I am mad, yet prior to my parents knowing, I used considerably more, with no psychotic episodes.

My parents have destroyed my home, my car, my possessions and now my reputation and career in education

Any decent parents would’ve paid for and ADHD psychiatrist all rehab and detox.

The Sun has breached the following

1) accuracy - I used crack cocaine occasionally I use Ethylphenidate for ADHD. When so many people strive to destroy and hurt you I’m certainly not in during disabling consequences of my disability

- misleading photo

- misleading statements

- did not distinguish between comment conjecture and fact 

- not fairly reported

- clear defamation.

2) privacy

- no respect for private life.  Whilst I have struggled with drug addiction since I was 17 I have always worked and contributed to society

- no consent for photo

 

3) Clandestine devices

- unsure whether my friend took the photo or my father /press did this

I am completely broken. I was sectioned unlawfully. I will never work in education again so will need to retrain

My loss of endings could easily amount to £150,000.

I will not live a lie, to Eastfork consciences of my sick parents.? They have done actions to me which places them up that with Fred and Rose West.

They’ve destroyed my whole life and have got the nation to hate me when I desperately needed the help and support.

I am praying you can help me. All I want is the truth and some help with drug addiction

Update -  Unfortunately all evidence of the article had been removed by this date so no further action could be taken

#itsnotaboutthedrugs

@Gemma_Stalked

❤️ 10th October 2017 - Journal

Well I’m back at work. The job isn’t perfect but I love it. I’m working and contributing to society again.

In this role I literally only have to complete 4 pages of paper work, which admin soughts  and uploads to the system.

NCS come in once a month to do CV workshops, so I don’t even have to stress about that.

Someone else goes out and sources the candidates. A job broker finds the jobs. All I have to do is get candidates to come in and apply for vacancies.

I will get bored as I will literally be sitting at my desk all day just seeing candidate after candidate. But I will not have to travel across loads of boroughs,?worry about travel fares, stress to get to meetings miles away for. 9 o’clock in the morning. I guess it’s an easy role.

It’s only my second day and I’ve already lost my candidate virginity. So my first one completely unsupervised. 

I wanted to have at least four meetings booked by the end of today. I have 10 meetings booked.

The staff are all really nice so praying to God nothing gets caught out about my previous work history and I’m able to settle in and do a good job. 

I went to the toilet earlier and took some Ritalin. I take it correctly due to its bioavailability and my high tolerance. Went for a cigarette afterwards. Amen and the receptionist was like oh the lady who went in the toilet after you found something you left behind. I shit myself it was the plastic syringe even know I’ve been very careful about making sure it was in my bag before I had left. Panic Field my brain.... only to notice my energy drink was on my desk. I had left in the toilet.

I told a story to the receptionist that I was worried I’d left my Tampax in the toilet. I do love to panic and think the worst.

I had a great day even though I was tired from lack of sleep last night.  Had had a cheeky Monday night smoke. Didn’t sleep till 2 AM.

But as I travelled closer and closer to the place I call home I noticed my mood slowly dropping and dropping.

By the time I arrived home I was in a foul mood and I remained in this mood all night.

I have taken this mood out on N. This house is poisonous. Because I am now working my counsellor has agreed to have email sessions with me. I long to email her now when I need her help but I cannot be assured I actually have privacy. Either time I’m aware I have privacy I probably won’t feel the need to email her. My evening depression is only likely to get worse.

I don’t know what today I hope I can move quick because this house is killing me.

#itsnotaboutthedrugs

@Gemma_Stalked

❤️ October 2016 - Rehab - Email To My Counsellor

Subject - Are you back at work

 

Can I please arrange a session with you when you're next working late. 

I miss talking to you. It's harder here as
I have to build up the courage to disclose all my sh*t again.

You said (I wanted to say promised, but I don't think you actually did, but let's pretend you promised!) you would still talk to me.

I've got a lot of hatred over what my sick fcuk family did.

Let me know when this might be possible

X 

Counsellor

HI J,

it may be a good idea that you stay with the therapeutic work you are doing over there, I believe you  it's hard to build up a new relation with someone who does not know you yet (feeling maybe exposed? )  but give it the best you can...it is a process. 

My Tuesdays evening are usually taken up, as you can imagine  they tend to be popular but I will try to find some time in between appointments for a chat.  e-mail me a contact number or a way to contact you. 

A warm hug, 

Rx 

#itsnotaboutthedrugs

@Gemma_Stalked

❤️ Rehab Bullies - Emails 2016

To - Counsellor and Social Worker

Subject - I'm being bullied!!

There's this woman who's always had a bit of an attitude with me, like kissing her teeth when I sit down and the chair accidentally scrapes, etc. and now she's started bullying me.

Yesterday in art the tutor was waiting for us to fill out forms, and the music was on. Since we were not doing anything I started singing. She's then shouted aggressively 
'WILL YOU SHUT UP'

I've replied no we're not doing anything. So I've carried on singing and she kept on shouting the above. She then shouted I was acting like a toddler (what does she expect when she was speaking to me like one). Shouting got worse and we were pulled from the session.

In with the counsellors she tried to say she spoke to me nicely, and said please. I replied this was bull, and when ever anyone has asked me nicely to stop doing something like being loud, I've always complied.

So now today, she normally isolates, but made a real effort to come out to the smoking shelter and who ever I was talking to she had to get their attention, start talking to them making sure she took the attention away from me.

So back in group and I've gone to speak and she purposely started talking over me. Now outside in the smoking shelter I tolerated, as I'm more well received than her so it didn't bother me.

I was calm as fcuk and asked her not to talk over me. She started shouting aggressively how do I like it. Everyone was telling her to leave it

Instead of getting angry I went and spoke to a counsellor who were super impressed I didn't react and did the right thing.

Anyway I'm ok with the situation at the moment but I will not tolerate bullying behaviour. 

I've suggested mediation should it continue. 

I knew this would happen. She can't cope with me having ADHD, and yes I talk over people, but NEVER is it done maliciously. I can help having ADHD.

Anyway this is why I didn't want a woman's only rehab. But I'm well liked and everyone else says they would change me, as I make them all laugh.

Speak soon

Jay

Counsellor 

HI Jay

nice to hear from you. As you said you are managing difficult situations which always happens between humans ... man and women alike 

big hug, 

R 

Social Worker

Hi Jay
Sounds like you dealt well with the situation. 
I've left a message with your support worker, Paula, but have not yet heard back. I'll give her a call today. 
Thanks for letting me know. 
L

#itsnotaboutthedrugs

@Gemma_Stalked

❤️ My Return To Work

Ok, the big day is here! I'm returning to work.

I have checked the journey planner on my dream house in Paarl Road to Stockwell and it's still saying 1 hour and. 35 mins. It takes 22 mins to get to Benfleet station.

Driving is 2 hours 22 mins, so maybe a scooter is the way to go. That would knock a good 15 minutes off the journey. I wanted to hire a car to see what the drive was like. Now I want to hire a scooter and see. Maybe there's a scooter hire company which will let me collect and return to the station?

Maybe even a foldable electric bike, if they go fast enough??

#itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked

❤️ 28th April 2017 - Journal

I Long for a syringe filled by 1/3 with glorious blue crystal ethylphenidate. It's now illegal to sell and my parents scared me by threatening a second admittance to he hellious Springfield. I gave them my drugs. I have them my works. I have now not used drugs intravenously or one week. Last Friday Dr. P told me I might not get my Concerta back. I told her I would endure 3 months prisionment for my 'normal'. That's the only reason I have not banged up. Otherwise a replacement legal high is already out there.  4-me-TMP.

#itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked

❤️ April 2015 - Journal

This book contains information from all my pads collated before and during psychosis created by my parents. The more you read the most you'll understand why my psychiatrist was which to get me two urgent drugs detox admissions and in Springfield.

The sad thing is, my parents' actions only ensured by drug use sky rocketed.  

The lost of my 'normal' Concerta increased my self medicating to daily. If I am unable to get my Concerta script reinstated I will definitely purchase ethylphenidate's new replacement and revert back to self medicating.

#itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked

❤️ Not All Junkies Are Homeless, On Benefits and A Waste To Society

I just read this article about a doctor addicted to opiates

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.express.co.uk/expressyourself/193268/A-drug-addict-doctor-speaks-out/amp

So your own GP could be a dirty needle junkie just like me.

We’re not all on benefits. We’re ‘functioning addicts’

In fact, I’m not as bad as this GP as I don’t bang up at work.

Yet I’m judged far worse than how he’s judged. Why?

In fact, if you work in a company with 100 members of staff, you can bet your bottom dollar you'll be working with an addict.

Whether Nytol, codeine, Zopiclone, benzos or like me crack and heroin. We disguise ourselves well.

We make exceptional employees (bar when our addiction gets out of control). We need our pay cheques. We need our drugs.

Most addicts have a reason for being addicted. Mine self medicating of my ADHD. Others have become addicted to pain meds

#itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked

❤️ Alcohol Detox / Withdrawal

So I decided to bite the bullet and withdraw from alcohol at home.

Partied Thursday afternoon until Saturday midday with a lot of dramas, heroin, fentanyl, crack, coke, benzos, buprenorphine, Zopiclone and weed.

Saturday slept all day only waking to order pizza and smoke weed. Sunday felt terrible. Drank one coke sized can of 6.5 larger. I glass of processo and 30mg diazepam. Lots of Zopiclone to sleep.

Yesterday one can of Stella, 2/3rd of a 35cl vodka and 30mg diazepam (I was easily taking 80mg before),

Today 1/3 35cl vodka and one Stella. I have another in the fridge for later. 1.5mg diazepam.

Yesterday I felt like hell. I went down MDART to see J but they were in their two hour work meeting.

Today I saw my counsellor and she was well impressed at the level I had cut down and my determination.

Said I still want detox. But 2 weeks arranged in advance over Xmas so I can withdraw from benzos and reduce opiates.

It's not been fucking easy. I've now experienced mild to severe opiate withdrawal, mild alcohol withdrawal (now) and mild benzo withdrawal. Whilst I know if severe alcohol and benzo withdrawal are very dangerous, bit on the mild scale, nothing beats opiate withdrawal. Then alcohol second and benzo last. But I was in detox with the benzo withdrawal and coming off other shit (speed), which probably made the benzo withdrawal less painful. I could sleep for starters. 

Just to kick of my anxiety my parents text to say they're coming over with a letter about the noise (Friday, yet to be written about). 

Straight away I craved a drink like mad. The craving was unbelievable. Definitely worse than the opiates cravings in opiate withdrawal (physical pain in opiate withdrawal makes it beat alcohol).

Said I would be out, took a benzo and hid in my room in the dark. Consumed with anxiety.

Just heard next door getting a bit heated. The son shouted something about crack heads. Clearly me. They've had a couple of 4am arguments, so pot, kettle and all that malarkey.

Just want today to be over. I have one Stella. I need to get some vodka so I can booty bump my benzo. It's easier to keep track of the exact amount you take (don't have to account for food). And it's much stronger.

But I'm living up to my name and waiting for some crack to arrive. 

ADDED LATER 

There was no letter about any noise!!!! They almost caused me to get drunk, ruin my taper, trying to get clean!! 

Nice family!

#itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked

❤️ Emergency Detox

Ok, so I had my appointment with my drugs psyche today. Stupidly I was using crack and heroin all last night and didn't sleep until 7am. Meaning I could not be awoken with my 10am alarm.

Woke up at 11.47am and my appointment was at 12pm. Got there at 12.25pm.

My psyche and the manager where both at this appointment. My psych probably wanted the manager there as I'm a pain in the arse.

I explained about the mess I'm in and the fact my new job wants me to start on the 9th. I've probably only been offered the role as someone else has pulled out. I don't want to lose it. 

Anyway I was basically told I have no choice but to have an emergency detox. It would take 14-21 days as it's alcohol and benzos.

I pleaded to just deal with the alcohol and let me home detox.

Again, told no. I could die.

I don't know what to do. My psyche said just to lie to the job and say I'm ill and start later. She said I couldn't go to work in the state I'm in. I guess that's true. But it's only the alcohol that's a problem. As long as I get off that I can taper the benzos and opiates myself until I can take annual leave for a detox. 

The only option I was given was to massively cut down on the alcohol and benzos myself. 

So I'm doing that. 

I haven't had a drink all day until now. Bought what I thought was a fancy cider, but it's some rank larger. At least it's 6.5 alcohol content.

I've not taken any benzos either. 

I've spent all day sweating and anxious. Didn't know if it was opiates, benzos or alcohol. But it's stopped now I've had a drink, so I guess alcohol.

I'm hoping the proper work arrives late for this new role, giving me some extra time. 

I'm saving my Zopiclone in case I get admitted. I'll will crotch them, along with extra Ritalin and a throw away mobile phone (as you're not allowed mobiles in the new detoxes they use). 

Told my psyche about the fentanyl, she said she was aware as I had emailed someone. Said Wednesday's appointment was only booked as I was going to ask to be sectioned. Dr. P threatened me with being sectioned until I promised her I would look after myself and not try to kill myself.

Once the meeting was over I disposed of my sharps. Almost chucked a pin with a little b out. Dr. P was NOT impressed.

She also made me speak to my drugs Counsellor and book an appointment.

So all I've heard all day is I don't have a choice over the matter of detox, I will end up dead otherwise.

Told Dr. P I saw my medical records! That I was green Zone for ages, then nothing, then red and black Zone (black is hospital.. detox..  nut house). She asked me how I saw the records, knowing I'm clever enough to easily swipe someone's computer log in and access the system... I got in trouble in rehab for swiping the staff door codes.

I replied freedom of information act, which is the truth. 

Kinda worried if I don't go detox it will fuck up my ADHD meds. Really worried about this job more though. 

#itsnotaboutthedrugs @Gemma_Stalked